Username: SushiFoxx
Cat Name: Astrid
Gender: Female
Rank: Herbalist
Clan: Fallen Rose KingdomAge: 4 years
Prompt:If you try hard enough, was I ever really there?Perhaps the King and Queen were not as harsh of rulers as she had heard stories told about. Perhaps they could be kind and giving during the harsh seasons, allow cat’s prosperity and opportunity in the dark times. Although, she had also watched as they turned a blind eye to her injuries as a sentry, forcing her to retrain as a herbalist instead. Astrid had watched as they ignored her misfortune and step away during her struggles, simply redirecting her.
Sure, they had provided a little bit more food and resources during her uprooting, but they never as much as gave her their sorrows or wishes. Astrid despised pity with her soul heart, but watching as the royals turned blindly to her pain struck something with in her. Something that she was simply unable to turn away from. A rotten dispute caused her to lose a leg and also go blind in one eyes. Scars ripped at her one flawless pelt and she had to relearn everything.
Sure, Nyla and Eirian had helped her relearn how to walk, but it had been miserable to suddenly have almost everything she knew and loved stripped away within a mere instant. Everything was taken from her, without as much as a well wishes from the King and Queen. The thought caused her stomach to churn yet again, the memory of how she was barely more than a rock in their paw heavy on her heart. What would it have taken for them to wish her well? Would she have had to been rolling in her spirits to have a short glimpse of them? How far would she have needed to be from seeing the ancestors for them to have sat by her.
Perhaps it was a petty wish, one of self indulgence, but Astrid simply wished they had cared even a wink more for her wellbeing. There had been so little it almost hurt more than if they had simply done nothing. The princess had given her a brief visit, a few herbs to assist in her healing, and Astrid had clung to the authenticity for an embarrassing length of time. Seeing the genuine apology within the princesses eyes had distracted from the pain even if only for a mere moment.
Astrid couldn’t deny how much the pity did hurt, how incompetent she had felt, but she also knew that even the pity showed that the other cats had cared for her, even if only meekly. She had watched cats try to help her get better, to strengthen herself again. She had also seen cats do something as small as bringing her prey.
What Astrid didn’t know was the guilt that wracked the poor Queen. The thought that this poor sentry had gotten hurt so badly caused her to shiver in sobs long throughout those treacherous days where life seemed to cling by frayed threads. Astrid didn’t know that half of those cats were the Queens favoured servants who would report back to her on the young cat’s wellbeing.
Sure, the King may have been a big more apathetic to Astrid’s pain, but there was still that lingering concern that both rulers had for their people. If something was wrong within the Kingdom, if a cat was hurt, they knew and most likely cared in a silent way.
Maybe Astrid would never know the secret care that the two rulers had, but what she did know, is that sometimes it was better to even forget about it all in the first place. On the harshest of days, she refused to let the thought linger. Of course they cared, she would tell herself. It may have been fake confidence, but they did care.
Maybe, they were not as harsh as cats made them out to be.