
Owner: memberlist.php?mode=viewprofile&u=744701
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◤xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx◥
high when you're feeling low
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credit: sen lin @ flickr
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username: con-fused
viscet name: tobias
gender: biologically male
the things we lost in the fire, fire, fire
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things we lost in the fire- bastillexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxwhy does tobias have a tear mark on his cheek?
The tormentors; they crowd at the window sometimes. He watches them, brow furrowed and chin down,
from the gap in the thick, plush, velvet drapes. One presses its beaming, sugary face up to the window
and almost catches his eye. He turns away, eyes glowing furiously with annoyance. It, not discouraged,
mouths earnestly, "come... play with us!"
He narrows his eyes, and glances away again. Calmly letting the embers inside slowly smolder into fine
gray ash. He studies his frame in the old-fashioned, clunky mirror. The tear-stained cheek brings a stab
of hurt. He'd been meaning to get rid of that damn mirror anyway.
His heart thumps once. He yanks the curtains shut firmly and turns away, drawing a similar set of curtains
over the cold stone-framed mirror. He didn't want to have any reminders of the scarring pain. A single
candle sits amidst loose sheaves of papers on the sturdy wooden desk. He brushes these away and blows
out the candle. Only a trail of faint smoke is left. His head on the desk, Tobias whispers very gently, barely
moving his lips, "tomorrow. tomorrow."
Sleep comes, but no comfort. His memories grapple for her face, but only shadows and mist greet his dreams.
Banished. She is gone. Tobias' dear niece, the sparkle in his eye, is gone. Oh, here come the clouds.... The
things that were lost to the flames; the things he'll never see again.
Morning brings a cold gray sky and rain crouching behind the next corner. He goes to the mirror again, peeks
under one corner of the curtain, but his paws come to a standstill gripping the cloth, sending sharply peaked
wrinkles shuddering through the velvet. It's no matter. He sees his face reflected in the window. Panicked.
Unkempt. The tear. He tries for a weak smile and shoulders his way out the door. The children are back, no
surprise there. He doesn't exactly look at them, but he doesn't say anything either.
"good morning, Tobias..." their voices fade away as he paces into the forest. The forest is welcoming and
misty; he walks so fast he stumbles over a root. Ever so gracefully comes the fall. The mossy plants, shredded
leaves and bark, the loamy dirt, they intermingle with the mist and cool dappled shadows. Tobias lies there
for awhile with his eyes half-shut, deep shuddering breaths quickly losing their way in the tendrils of mist.
He's half-standing, now against the trunk of a tree. Stable things trees are, just so.
Here comes the sound. A mere distraction that will prove to be so much more. A dog. Coal-black, muzzle
dappled with white. Breath wheezing, movements stiff. Tobias gazes after its labored journey with a certain
unidentified emotion. He gets up, and beckons the dog forward awkwardly. He hobbles after it uncertainly
and gently, cautiously, quietly, rests a paw on its back.◤xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx◥
that makes us feel alive
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photograph- sam tsui & khs cover
The kids, he sees, are gone now, save a few sitting on his porch. On his porch! He passes without a word.
They know better than to try to speak. We went through that yesterday, the day before, the day before
that.... He can sense them looking at the dog now, though. He manages a small- friendly - glance in their
direction. One of them, timidly, waves. He glances at them, but doesn't make the motion back.
Sitting on his bed across from the dog, who has found itself a fine spot smack dab in the middle of his
favorite armchair, Tobias worries over what to do. The first step, he supposed, was to get acquainted. He
settles for a quick rub behind its ears before he stands up and gently pulls a curtain open. Just a crack.
He is reading by candlelight. The dog seems content lying by his feet. What was he thinking? He had no
idea. But his feet very nicely, satisfactorily, warm.
Oh, but, a viscling is here. They never dared to step within his house, but here one was, on the threshold.
Paws clasped in front of her chest. Tobias raised his eyebrows, and tried to return to his book. It was a
novel, actually....
"we just wanted to see her..."
Her. No, not her. How did they know? How did they know... her? Tobias feels like he is staring in the mirror
again- paralyzed.
"..the dog?"
The dog was a her.
"I suppose you could."
Caressing paws. Stroking fingers. Happy giggles. A warm tongue, from the dog, against a palm, a press of her
soft nose. Perhaps Tobias is not really reading his novel, for it appears to be upside down in his hands.
His eyes are valiantly struggling not to be amused. It is a battle not worth fighting.
"We should call her Princess."
Princess, then. Tobias was by their side now, paw absentmindedly on the dog's soft belly fur. Let her be the
children's princess, but she will be his Aura. His little light, here on earth again.
A tentative relationship, between him and the visclings. As long as Princess was between their souls Tobias
allowed them to be present. They played tenderly with his dog, his Aura. He played with them when he was
not otherwise occupied or tired. Tobias was at peace. He was learning.
Let's allow them around three months. Enough for the dear boy to thaw a little. For Tobias to see his niece
again, however figuratively. For the children to be allowed to hold his hand. They make these memories for
themselves...◤xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx◥
believe... Losing my mind... Goodbye
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goodbye/believe - louisa wendroff
Time, oh, time. It flies like a bird of the night, like deep, dark, wing-beats upon a shadowy night. Tick-tock!
There is nothing Tobias can do. He didn't even realize. No, not even after the loss of his light. There remains,
dear boy, hardship. Not even Aura, and yourself, your heart, re-imagined... can cure old age. No, we must sit
with our head bowed, and not for the last time as that.
Tobias. His head dutifully down, a teardrop echoing his cursed one. His feet on broken glass again. The
burning-drowing returns. Had it left at all, or was it sulking in the deep abysses of his body? The pain. The earth
does not know of "enough is enough." Not for Tobias. Not as he sits cradling his beautiful, beautiful, but aged,
Princess. His Aura, two-point-oh. Now only a shell on earth; a spirit up there somewhere. No comfort tonight.
In the end, it was destined that one who grows old must perish, but we must cry with him anyways.
He studies his frame in the old-fashioned, clunky mirror. The tear-stained cheek, blurry in the mirror from his
own real tears. It brings a stab of fresh, piercing, hurt. Letting the embers inside roar and blaze until it
crumbles into chokingly fine ash. When can he get rid of that damn mirror?
Days slide by, slimy and unfeeling. His papers and books lay untouched, collecting dust. The mirror confronts
his gaunt profile each morning. If only the skies would cooperate and rain, rain until the pain has been beat to
a stain on the ground. It stays, though, roaring like a river of liquid fire through his heart. Poor Tobias. He has
a little boo-boo.
The children eye him cautiously through the window. He slams the drapes shut and ignores their pleas. His eyes
glow with anger and the ever-present pain.
He lets the door slide open now. It is morning; the visclings are surprisingly absent. He bites his tongue and closes
his eyes. Very briefly.
He goes around to the back porch. The woods stand stoic, yards away. Nothing moves saves a twitch of a branch or
two. There seems to be something- lots of things - on the ground. A basket, a cake, a box of chocolates... sweaty,
hand picked, wilting dandelions. A fresh and lustrous bouquet on the other end of the porch. Cards, warm wishes, a
small rag-doll. A pile of candy. Skittles, they were called. Seemed human to him. A scarf, wrapped around a beautiful
wood carving of a dog. He winced a little, bit his lip, and kept sifting through the... gifts.
He found tears welling up in his eye. His back against his house, his smile bright for the first time in these torturous
days. He let his paws cradle these thoughtful trinkets lovingly, holding them up to his damp cheeks.
Goodbye; goodbye.◤xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx◥
your way... hold every memory as you go
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see you again- wiz khalifa ft. charlie puth
It was a horrific accident. Tobias couldn't save Aura, he couldn't. He could just watch his sisters's tears hit the
ground in rhythm to his own. Like the sky that cried for her, like the sky who took her unwillingly when its rain
let the stream grow, hungrily, hungry enough to take a viscling, to take Aura. He regrets. He lives on, though,
and therefore, so does she. May his little light never cease to shine. Oh, he'll tell you, and the visclings, and
the viscling's parents, and Aura, and Princess, all about it, when he sees them again.extra- you can see songs in his playlist as they correspond to sections of this story, as well as one
additional song linked here: the monster/wake me up mashup- megan davies██
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------ The "glow" and the eye glow is part of the design.Mutations: none