[Ivara]

I'm fine with the block of text, so long as everything you need is in there, you could even have someone tell her what shes like for a personality. Would you like those catterpillars dipped in flour and fried first?

[the timey thing]

Ivara, can you look at my form and tell me mistakes, ect? xD

PM me if it is needed~ <3

[Ivara]

Sure Kear~ Just give me a minute to read it over.

[Ivara]

Only corrections I could find would be in the last paragraph. There is a knew where a new should be and a made where I think you ment to put a may. But otherwise your form is perfect~

[Wlyrout]

I'm thinking baked, actually. Though Flour might disapprove, as she would most certainly have them prepared that way, why not go low-fat and low-cal for now? I've been stuck inside all day apart from a quick 15 minute walk this morning (thanks to the pouring rain), and have just gorged myself on Cheese Sticks. They were most delicious!

Yesh, I shall complete my form now. Do you prefer longer or shorter stories? Also, I would love my form to be quickly scanned once I am completed with it, too! You don't have to, of course, but I would love your opinion on everything and I don't mind harsh critique in the least, as long as it helps me improve.

For now I shall leave and actually go do some work on my form,
commie

[broodingtulip]

I edited my form

[Ivara]

Longer story. Most definitely longer. And of course I'll scan your form, I want everyone to be prepared as much as I can prepare them for judging day. I'll go ahead and read over yours as well .c i t r u s., or should I say Umak in disguise c: Em.. I'll have the kitchens prepare another batch of caterpillars for you Mistress commie, the last batch seems to have misplaced itself in my stomach~

[Ivara]

First off, here are your new batch of caterpillars Mistress commie. I have to say that your introduction is very well written, an excellent explanation of how Flour got her name. Even if that's all you've got so far, it's amazing. Absolutely love the analogy about throwing cream pies at a clown. The one thing I have to say is this: in "Then he glanced at his reflection in a river, looking back at me with an utter hatred." I think it should be, "Then he glanced at his reflection in a river, looking back up at me with an utter hatred." It just seems to me like since he's looking in the river it should stand to reason that he has to look back up from the river, and the an shouldn't really be there.

.c i t r u s., I'm just going to call you Umak if you don't mind for the sake of it being what I remember you by. Mkay, first off I think you should go back and elaborate on all the topics a bit more, explain why he likes or dislikes all the things he does and add a little more weight to his personality to show more of that side of him. The one thing I have to correct you on is that in the friendly section of Universal's personality, in the last sentence you talk about him as a she.

[flyteck]

Anything I should do?

[broodingtulip]

First off, here are your new batch of caterpillars Mistress commie. I have to say that your introduction is very well written, an excellent explanation of how Flour got her name. Even if that's all you've got so far, it's amazing. Absolutely love the analogy about throwing cream pies at a clown. The one thing I have to say is this: in "Then he glanced at his reflection in a river, looking back at me with an utter hatred." I think it should be, "Then he glanced at his reflection in a river, looking back up at me with an utter hatred." It just seems to me like since he's looking in the river it should stand to reason that he has to look back up from the river, and the an shouldn't really be there.

.c i t r u s., I'm just going to call you Umak if you don't mind for the sake of it being what I remember you by. Mkay, first off I think you should go back and elaborate on all the topics a bit more, explain why he likes or dislikes all the things he does and add a little more weight to his personality to show more of that side of him. The one thing I have to correct you on is that in the friendly section of Universal's personality, in the last sentence you talk about him as a she.

KK,
Ya, it's still a WIP. I got a story in mind, and I'm going to add a bit more tonight. It's just a quick rough draft for me to go by. I'll fix it