- I don't know what this is, how to describe it. I miss him, I love him, but I hate him. He hurt me more than anyone ever had, he made me feel like an idiot, he made me feel like i'm nothing. I want him to hurt, I want him to know what he did to me, I want him to think he's the worst human alive. But I also want him back, I want to tell him it's okay, I want him to hug me tight and say he's sorry. He broke my faith in loving anyone, in trusting anyone like that again.
I hate that I can never feel one thing at once, I hate that I can understand were he's coming from, I hate that I want to excuse him like hurting me like this was okay. I don't want to be me, I don't want to be able to understand and empathize with those who hurt me, I want to be angry or sad or just okay. But I can never do that.