"My name? Hmph, why do you care? Whatever... my name's Elleryn. But call me Ellie. I hate Elleryn. Whenever people read it, they pronounce it 'ell-rin'. It's 'ella-rin'. Now I'd better not catch you mispronouncing it, or you'll regret it.
I'm a girl and I'd be about fifteen if I were a human like you... yeah, I know I'm small for my age. I stopped measuring my age like the others of my kind a while ago, so I don't really remember my age by their scale... only by yours. ...Please don't come any closer. I don't like being touched."
That's all she told me today. After that, she would speak no more. I think speaking tires her out. Her sentences are fragmented and it seems like she has to think about how to piece words together into sentences. I believe this is caused by her withdrawal from society. She went a very long time without contact with anyone; according to her records, about six years.
My heart aches with pity whenever I think about her. I want to help her so very badly... to love and care for her, because she never had those things. She was only ever alone. She's so distant and closed off. Acting like this has become her nature. She doesn't want to be hurt. She almost devoid of emotion... almost. But I know I can break her shell... I have to. She doesn't belong in this hospital, among sterile white surroundings, devoid of anything but sadness and death. She belongs somewhere where she will be safe... so that maybe she can learn to feel again.
"My parents? Why do you want to know about them? They left me... Okay, fine. I'll tell you. But only so you'll stop pestering me.
I don't remember them. At all. Their names, their faces, any emotion related to them... gone. They left me, I think. I'm not really sure. But if they had loved me, they wouldn't have left me. Parents who love their children don't let them go when they're so young. I'm glad I don't remember them, because I probably wouldn't have liked them anyway. I don't like much of anyone. Why should I? Nobody likes me. I owe them nothing."
"I like you, Ellie."
"No. You lie... liar. I'm a monster. Not worthy of living. That's what he told me before he tried to... kill me. I'm hideous. A brute. No one likes me. No one can. But that's fine. I can fend for myself. It's all I've ever done. I don't need anyone... and no one needs me. I'm nameless. I have no face. I am just a body fighting through this void. Alone."
"You're crying..."
"I don't cry. I've never cried... never! I'm strong! I am not weak, I do not cry! ...Get out. Get out!!"
I left her there, sobbing. I wanted so desperately to reach out and stroke the tears from her soft fur. But I knew better. She's not ready for that yet. She's not ready to be loved.
I hope she comes around someday. I hope she succeeds in her inner battle. I know that I cannot help her in this fight. It is up to Elleryn which side of her triumphs. She is capable of love, of emotion... but not in her current state. This battle will be an arduous one for her. But she has the potential to endure. I only hope she can.
Her records state that her parents were located. They indeed abandoned her. They had not the means to care for a child, so they left her. Despicable. The hospital staff chose not to tell her for fear of how she would react, mentally and physically. Perhaps she may someday be stable enough to learn of her past.
"I don't remember anything of my life before I was alone. It's better that way, really... so I don't dwell on the past and I don't want what I can't have.
My life is hard. I know that. But I don't mind, because it makes me strong. I will be like steel.
I stole to survive. Food, mostly. I pretended to be friends with people so I could steal from them later. That's how I became so terrible.
I became friends with a man. I thought he was innocent. Harmless. He was actually a bandit chieftain. I didn't know until I stole from him. He chased me, telling me I would pay. I was so scared. He carried a sword made of black metal. I fled to the nearby town and hid under a crate in an alley. The bandits razed the entire town looking for me... and eventually they found me.
I was clapped in irons, thick heavy chains. In the next town over, I was sold as a hunting dragon, similar to a hunting dog. On my first hunt, I ran away. I became a nomad of sorts, roaming the land by myself. One day, I came across the skeleton of another dragon. My collar and tail cuff were on it. There was no trace of who the skeleton used to be. It reminded me of myself. So I took the jewelry, feeling an odd attachment to the two pieces.
I roamed around until someone from this hospital found me and captured me. My fur was matted, I was skinny, and my paws were scabbed over from repeated cuts. They locked me up in here and pushed me out of their minds. They tried to help me at first, but I knew that they didn't like me. They gave up on me... like I did. They could see I was a monster. I'm a thief, a murderer.
"You are not a monster, Ellie. You didn't know that the man was a killer. You were only trying to survive. It's not your fault that those bandits burned the town. They could have just as easily left those people alone. I know you still have good left in your heart."
"No. There is nothing good left in this blackened heart of mine. Only hatred, anger, cruelty, loneliness. You cannot help me. No one can. I've tried, Manakete. But there is nothing to be done for me."
"Do not shut me out, Ellie... I know of your potential. You can be rehabilitated, you can learn to be who your soul wants you to be."
"You still think I'm capable of being rehabilitated? How naive of you... but I'm afraid that's not possible for me anymore. I'm a monster. A beast. Society doesn't want or need me. I had hoped you'd give up on me. That's all anyone's ever done... give up on me. Including myself... There's no good left in this body of mine. I've looked for it. It's just not here. They say that darkness cannot exist without light... but they're wrong. Because I'm here. I exist.
I'm sorry. I just can't be around you anymore. Not if you keep trying to fix me. I'm broken beyond repair. It'd be like trying to glue a mirror back together. You can make the mirror whole, but you cannot fix the cracks."
"Here. Take this."
"What is it?"
It's an MP3 player. I put some music on it for you. The songs there remind me of you."
"I'm not interested in your charity."
"Take it. I don't want it."
With that, I got up and left. I hoped her curiosity would get the better of her and she would listen to the music I had chosen for her. Music always helped me think, and with any luck, it would do the same for her.
Elleryn's Playlist
Melodies of Life -- You're Not Alone -- Crossing Those Hills
Mistaken Love -- Endless Sorrow -- Yuna's Theme
Sprouting -- Warping to a Different Dimension -- Cry in Tears
Fabul -- Suteki da Ne -- The Ancient Library
"So you finally came back. I feared that you weren't returning... you didn't come for four days.
I listened to your music, by the way... I liked it. It made me think about things. So what would you like to ask me today?"
"It is good that you thought about things. So do you still believe you are a monster, Elleryn?"
"Elleryn... hm. It's been so long since I heard that name. And I don't think I hate it anymore. It is a pretty name. It rings clear and true, like a songbird's voice.
No. I do not think I am a monster anymore. I understand that what I did was wrong, and that I also could not control the bandits, but I am no more a monster than you are. I am mortal, and so I am flawed."
"Oh, Ellie... you have seen."
"Seen? Yes, I suppose you could say that. I opened my heart and looked inside. And guess what? You were right. I saw the potential that you said I had. I saw the good left in me, the light in the darkness. You believed in me where I did not. You... fixed me."
"I did not fix you. You were never broken. You just needed a little help to metamorphosize into a butterfly. You always told me that I could not love you, but I do. I have come to feel your anguish and your hardships. Come here."
"I don't ever remember being hugged... it is warm. It's safe. I don't remember safety either... can you offer me these things, Manakete? Warmth, safety... love?"
"I'd like to say that I can, Ellie. I will try with all my heart to do so."
"I wasn't always that way... a monster. I was once innocent and sweet. My life of self-loathing is tiresome. I learned that when I began to think. I don't want to live that way anymore. I want to live a full life with someone who will care for me and help show me what life should be like. I want to be with someone who will heal me. I want to be with you, Manakete. You like me. I like you. You cared for me. You listened to me. And you never gave up on me, even when I did. And for that, I can never thank you enough."
"Don't worry about it, Ellie. Now come on. Let's get you out of this hospital. You don't belong here anymore."
She lives with me now. She's the first jellybean dragon that I've ever owned. And I love her. She's so much happier now. Sometimes she goes outside and sits by the edge of the woods, staring up at the trees. I think she remembers something of her old life, of her parents. But she knows those days are in the past. And what matters is what's happening in her life now.
•Username•
Galaxystar
•Name•
I've decided on the name Shear.
•Gender•
Female, but she is very tomboyish
name; Tris May Aberdeen
gender; female
age; eight years
user; I'm Chica.
extra; currently a non-owner
"So Tris, what are you afraid of?"
"...nothing..."
"Is that so?"
"...other than fear...yes..."
I live by a lake in the forest... There is
a waterfall there and a big cave that is full of moss. I like it
there, it's nice... I prettied it up when I got there... after I ran
away from Orphanage... I didn't like it there.. But anyway, I put
little bridge over Lake and infront it, a rose bush archway... The
flowers are pink when Summer and I like it then cuz the lake
turns a nice blue too. It's always.... *Here, Tris seemed to be
searching her mind for the correct word to fit the sentence*
beautiful....
- Tris
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