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»I can hold my breath
I can bite my tongue
I can stay awake for days
If that’s what you want
Be your number one
I can fake a smile
I can force a laugh
I can dance and play the part
If that’s what you ask
Give you all I am
I can do it
Christina Perri | Human
▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀u s e r n a m e;; Hello, I'm Kikoyo, currently owner of four wonderful Simas: Neptune, Eniko, Rin and Shir Khan. I love them all dearly and am very active with them, no matter if drawing or roleplaying. I would love to add this Sima to my little family, and if I should win this gorgeous lady, I promise to take great care of her and be a loving owner. ♥
n a m e;; "It's Princess Taina... Actually."Taina, meaning mystery, secret, but also fire. I chose this name for her, mainly because it has a soft, but determined sound that seemed to fit on her and the personality I thought up for her. And so do the meanings; why, will be displayed throughout the form. Since her parents are royal and she lived in a castle, she should wear the title Princess.
g e n d e r;; "I was born raised to be a lady." ▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀
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don't loose yourself...«
p e r s o n a l i t y;; "I've been shaped in a way that scares me."Her whole life, Taina has been forced to be someone she isn't. Having two very strong and proud parents, the more introverted lady was told to always keep her head up, not showing any sign of weakness. Coldness and strictness instead of care and empathy, that is how she was raised. As a child, whe weeped easily and couldn't stand any quarrel, but quickly learned to control her feelings to avoid being hurt by her father's hard words. But time blunted her and she changed. Today, Taina is the result of a strict upbringing, being as proud, dark and ladylike as her parents always wanted her to be. Having a keen mind and being a calculating person, she is not to underestimate and hard to measure up. Taina isn't wearing a kind of mask or something like this, but almost everything that seems to characterize her is put-on and imposed. The young lady tends to keep a little distance to everyone around her, because there is still fear in her that her true character will show; the shy, introverted and innocent little girl that never learned how to love. She prefers biting and hissing over showing feelings, and cold, sharp words are in the order of the day. Her unsureness only shows up when you hold a longer conversation with her. Words are suddenly shaky, she can't keep eye contact and starts to nervously move around.
"I wasn't born to be an actor."
In general, Taina has a fairly soft side hidden somewhere. It usually only shows up when she is alone with someone or is emotionally troubled. She often whishes to be able to be herself, but most of the time, it turns out to be almost impossible. You could describe it as an everlasting conflict with herself, makes her loose her energy very fast and needs much self-control to stand. But exactly this is Taina: Someone who is always fighting with herself and anyone else.
▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀m i s c.;;q u i r k s;;· insomnia
"I'm loosing sleep."· tends to rub her orb with her snout when she is nervous
"It helps me, you know? To... have control over myself."· can't keep eye contact for a longer time
"I will not say something about this."· ailurophobia, the fear of cats
"They scare me."l i k e s;;· singing and making music in general
"Clearing my mind, finding peace. Being what I think is my true self."· night, clouds and thunderstorms
"Yes, I have fire-blood. But that doesn't keep me from being outside, then."· fire
"Self-explaining."· smell of roses
"Sweet and sharp."· painting
"Nobody is allowed to see those pictures."· Martial Arts
"Having control is important. Training is important.
Being cold yourself is important.d i s l i k e s;;· Mirrors
"I... can't.. stand them. There is no mirror in the whole house."· Rain and water
"Cold. Wet. I like coldness, but I hate getting wet."· Jokes
"Can rarely laugh anymore..."· Shouting
"I prefer not to be shouted at... Though sometimes it just happens."· Animals
"Annoying."· Dawn
"It breaks something I can't explain."▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀memories;;Anthro Form.2003, May 3, 11 AM | 7 years"Roses... My beloved roses."As quiet as she could, Taina moved forward, her tiny feet not making any sound on the floor. The hall was empty, her parents weren't there. But still... She felt as if someone was watching her, and that scared her.
You aren't safe in this house, she thought,
never. Carefully, the little girl pushed against the big, grating door, then quickly slipped out of the room and into the garden that extended in front of her. As always, Taina wanted to see her beloved roses, but at the same time knew that her dad would have been incredibly upset if he'd find out that she slipped away again.
Just a few minutes, she told herself and jumped down the stairs, following the small paths she knew to well. The roses were at the very end of the garden, near the grand wall that separated the garden and the forest behind. Out of breath, Taina ran along the other flowerbeds. And there they were. Blue, red, white, yellow, burgundy, pink, lavender, black and orange. She knew and loved them all. As everyday, the old gardener was there, busily watering the beds in front of him.
"Hey! Eh, I mean, good morning, Sir." He gave her a little smile.
"Came to see the roses?" She nodded shy, and he grabbed his watering pot.
"Watering the other flowerbeds now. You have one hour!" Taina nodded again, her smile grewing bigger. As he left, the Sima laid down between her beloved flowers, breathing in their familiar smell. She picked up one orange rose, her favourite kind, and hid them in her pocket, as she always did. And slowly, Taina began to drift away, loosing herself in the endless world of dreams. And this time, she had no nightmares to worry about: instead, the roses filled her thoughts.
2008, October 21, 9 PM | 12 years"Definitely not my favourite memory.""Stand upright!" Taina stretched her back, anxiously looking in the mirror right in front of her. There she was, just a little girl with frightened eyes, her mother, her grand, proud and beautiful mother behind her. And there was her black dress.
The black dress, her mother's old dress. But she was not pleased, and neither was her dad, who was leaning on the windowsill; Taina could tell by just staring in his red eyes for a few moments. Ans so she tried even harder.
"Chin up, chest out," her dad shouted. Taina did as she was told, trying to appear as big as she could, hands behind her back. She didn't look in the mirror, though.
A stranger to myself, Taina silently thought and suddenly had to fight back the tears. With her eyes watering, it was even harder to look up at her parents.
"Do not cry," her mother told her, being surprisingly soft when stroking her daughter's hair.
"Never cry," she corrected herself, taking her hand away and standing up.
"We have to go now. Expecting you at 10 o' clock in the grand hall." The little girl nodded and her parents left the room, immersed in icy silence... as always. And Taina was alone. For a few moments, she didn't do anything. Her eyes slowly moved up and met their copy in the mirror, this hated mirror. The little girl in the black dress didn't think. She raised her fist and slammed it into her glassy clone. In a deafening clang, the shards crackled on the clean floor, along with scarlet blood drops.
Her blood. Taina breathed heavily, but it pleased her not having to look at her false self anymore.
And ever since this day, there hasn't been a single mirror in Taina's room.