by Drizzle » Sun Oct 03, 2010 6:03 am
Applying!
Username: Drizzle
Ihwah Name: Pre-named.
Ihwah Gender: Male
Ihwah Item to Adopt: DIY Scarification Kit
The plot of your favorite video game (if it were a hundred times more badass):
Coming into consciousness is a slow, heady thing. You've been having these weird thoughts lately: like is any of ths for real or not? Heart thrumming, you float, eyes opened, then closed. Memories flicker, friends are swallowed by waves, torn from you in a nightmarish sequence. Suddenly, you realize that shooting star plummeting from the sky is you and you're falling and there's water everywhere and the second you land, the ground EXPLODES into a million dark avians and really?! REALLY?! I've had bad trips that were less disorienting than this. D< But I digress...
Pressing on, seeking answers, you discover a room with a sword, a wand, and a shield. Relief fills you, for though you've yet to encounter anything besides odd stained glass portraits of people you don't recognize, you can feel their eyes upon you: thousands of beady-eyed blackened monsters lurking in the darkness. Selecting your weapons, you stand ready, prepared to stand valia-- WTC IS THIS?! A key? A KEY. Whatever happened to that sharp blade that you selected before?! Christ almighty, there was a damned good reason that you picked the sharp and pointies, and now you're stuck with an oversized skeleton key and all you can do against those pint-sized monstrocities is beat the ever-loving SPARKLES out of them. BLACK SPARKLES. WHOEVER HEARD OF BLACK SPARKLES?! (Sorry, Laurent from Twilight. You don't count.) In despite of the fact that you apparently spar with your friends constantly, fending off wooden swords, dodgeball throws, and whips from a jumprope (in retrospect, you need new friends), you're slow and beating up what appear to be a couple antenna-bearing, glowy-eyed kindergarteners takes entirely too much time.
If you're good, though, you beat them. Keep moving. Never stop. And just when you think things might be safe-- KARATAYYYY CHOP! A WILD LEVIATHAN HAS APPEARED! YOUR ATTACKS ARE NOT VERY EFFECTIVE. In fact, the only things you can apparently attack are the huge beasts' Achilles WRISTS and by shooting it's goodness-gracious-great-balls-of-DARKNESS back at it. Keep battling... Keep battling!... and finaly, you succeed and huhwhat? ... An alley? Ugh, your head hurts, and the last thing you really want is to stand, but as you move beyond a shop with some weird, grumpy-looking blonde guy in it, you're OMG ambushed by the kindergarteners again and you wave around your slow little key and you-- oh, screw this. Tossing the key, you cackle with a gleeful fury and pull out the .45 you've been saving for a day such as today. There's a reason you wear baggy pants, yo, and this is it! BAHAHAHA SAY GOODBYE SHADOW THINGS. TIME TO MEET YOUR MAKER, BECAUSE NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION. And no one likes this neverending, sappy plotline that can only end in tears, either. Eff this.
You jump to the left, then take a step to the right, put your hands on your hips, and bring your knees in tight. With a pelvic thrust that drives the Squeenix fangirls insa-a-a-ane, you time warp back home to your old life. Let plumbers save the kingdom and the princesses. That's all they're good for anyways.
THE END. </end_of_ze_world>
((I don't even-- I don't even know. KH is the only game I've ever played the whole way through, but there's just... no good way to sum up its plot quickly, or to make it badass, without tossing the whole thing or as you said, inserting Vikings. I tried? 8D))