
"Language... has created the word 'loneliness'
to express the pain of being alone.
And it has created the word 'solitude'
to express the glory of being alone."
~Paul Tillich


Astraea (Astraia), a daughter of Zeus and Themis, or according to others, of Astraeus by Eos. During the golden age, this star-bright maiden lived on earth and among men, whom she blessed ; but when that age had passed away, Astraea, who tarried longest among men, withdrew, and was placed among the stars.
Info from http://www.theoi.com/Titan/Astraia.html
The name Astraia means 'starry one.' I think that meaning just might fit.
~ Username, Angelus ~

The night was silent, serene, with only a slight breeze whispering through the wispy branches of the nearby trees. There was a full moon, and you could have counted the stars in the sky. But as the woodland creatures watched, one began to fall. Downwards it spun, a pink-orange light flowing behind it. The frightened creatures scattered, never to return.
The glowing ball of fiery energy plummeted toward the earth, as if it were a pebble cast into water. As the the two collided, the ground rippled and shook. Dirt flew, and trees uprooted. The once quiet land erupted with noise. But then, silence. Everything settled, and as the air cleared, a form began to appear. It had the body of a wolf, and the tail of a dragon.
It was me.
The first thing that hit me wasn't the cold air of the frosty night, but a feeling; a sense of complete and utter loneliness that consumed me. I knew instantly that it wasn't something that would simply go away, it was eternal. The feeling was too much, and I couldn't take it. The shock of that feeling made me crumble under its pressure. I fell to the ground, unable to support the burden of my loneliness, as if I were destined to hold up the sky. A tear rolled down my cheek, and I stared blankly across the crater created by my long fall. It felt as if I had been cast into a pit of despair so dark that nothing could light it's walls. My heart shattered. How could I live with this? How could I go on, knowing that I will always be alone? I lay there for hours contemplating this question, the question of my life, until something caught my attention.
"Sanity is a cozy lie"
~Susan Sontag
After a few minutes of this, I gave up. I was alone, and nothing could change that. Ever. I had no idea where I'd come from, or why. Even what I was seemed a mystery. But that didn't mean I had to stay here. As I stood, I realized there was a pair of wings attached to my shoulders. They looked a bit small in comparison to the rest of me, but they seemed as if they could hold me well enough.
My head hung low, and my eyelids were heavy with despair. Normally, I would ponder the best route to take. Truth is, right then I didn't care. I knew was that I was forever doomed. Cursed to be alone, for all eternity. So I set off in a direction. Not sure which way, but at least it was somewhere else.

“For every dark night, there's a brighter day.”
~Tupac Shakur
The inside was a bit wider than the opening, but not by much. I had to push myself forward as rocks scraped at my body. A few feet away, I could see the narrow passageway opened onto a much larger cavern, and I strived toward it. Just as I was about to squirm free, everything went black.

I don't know how long I stood there, captivated by that exquisite feather. It could have been hours. When the image faded, I was flooded with a sense of longing for it. Why had it left me? I knew it was just a feather, but the feeling that the very first thing I had come in contact with had left me was unbearable. It only reminded me of the fact that I would always be alone. The cramped space and the headache left by the wonderful image only added to my torture. Soon after, the world around me faded to darkness.

I was out cold for who knows how long, but when I awakened, it was dark outside. No light came through the small crack in the wall behind me. In that inky black darkness, I could see a pink glow coming from above. The same glow that had come from that ...that thing I encountered when I first came to this world. I ignored it. Obviously, it didn't want me to see what it was, so I wouldn't bother.
“The most terrible poverty is loneliness,
and the feeling of being unloved.”
~Mother Teresa
I put all of my effort into freeing myself from the narrow crevice. As I struggled free of its rocky grip on me, I stepped into a large platform surrounded by a stream running from the large pool on the opposite side. The waters origin was the small waterfall splashing from a hole in the wall and into the pool.
As I walked toward the shimmering water, I glimpsed something on the surface. An image that danced across the it. I shrank back, afraid of it. Would it hurt me or welcome me to its home? Was this its home? Or was it like me, just passing through?
But as I moved, I saw it move with me. I was curious now. How did it mirror me? I shook my head to clear my vision, and that pink creature appeared again, in the corner like last time. Suddenly everything became clear, and I realized what was going on.
That being was my reflection, and the creature, the pink creature, was my mane. I felt so stupid. How had I not seen this before? How funny I must've looked, staring at my own reflection and wondering if it would hurt me. Not only did this discovery bring about embarrassment, but also pain. The loneliness I felt before came rushing back. It turned out that no one has been here at all. I have been alone my entire time on this planet. But would I be alone forever? Would anyone ever find me?
I so I glanced around the cave once more. There is something behind that waterfall, something I hadn't seen before. It looked almost like... paper? But it couldn't be. Could it? I walk to see for myself. It really was paper. How had it gotten here? Who had been in here that would've been able to place it there? There's only one way to find out, I thought. So I picked up the nearest scroll and unrolled it. Written on it was a strange language. I'd seen it before, but where? I stared at it for a while. How was I supposed to read this? All I could do was try. So I did, I tried to read it. At first it didn't work so well, but after little while begin to get used to the handwriting. I could read it, I really could. I vaguely wondered how, and the where I had learned it before. But that wasn't important right now.
Not only was the writing interesting, and the language, but so were the stories they told. Stories of gods, goddesses,and beings of the universe. I kept reading.

"The experience gathered from books,
though often valuable,
is but the nature of learning
whereas the experience gained
from actual life is of the nature of wisdom."
-Samuel Smiles

"The pen is the tongue of the mind."
~Miguel de Carvantes

Days turned into weeks. Weeks turned into months. Months turned into years. Years turned into decades. I didn't get up once. I didn't even look outside. night and day passed, and I never even noticed. I never moved.
“All things make sense;
you just have to fathom how they make sense.”
~Piers Anthony
It was strange, almost creepy really. Why would someone have put these here? Did they know I was coming? How could they possibly known? The carvings followed what happened to me to the letter. It included everything. My despair, my fault from the heavens, even my vision. I hadn't been sure until now. The only problem was, it stopped after I come into the cave. It didn't know what was going to happen next, and neither did I.

One year later, I hadn't found out anything different. Nothing. I had studied my heart out, to no prevail. I didn't have anything left in me. I thought of the world outside the cave. Maybe there's something there. But I shrunk back from the idea. Anything could be up there, anything. The world outside of my couldn't seem dangerous, mysterious, And all too unfamiliar. But then I asked myself, what did I have to lose?
Nothing.
"Don't be afraid to go out on a limb.
That's where the fruit is."
~H. Jackson Browne
I hoped desperately that it wouldn't be daytime outside. I still could not face the sun's rays. To my relief, it wasn't. A full moon shone as I uncovered the entrance. It seems magical, yet Treacherous. What lay beyond that mountain base, I didn't know. Nor did I want to. I stepped out, and wondered at the world around me. Over the course of almost 100 years, I had forgotten what the outside world looked like. It was beautiful.
I wasn't really sure where I was headed, so I set off in random direction. I stepped cautiously, as I can know the dangers of the world around me. What could lie just beyond that shadow? Under those leaves?
"At the innermost core of all loneliness
is a deep and powerful yearning for union
with one's lost self."
~Brendan Francis

As I was walking, I heard something in the distance. Were those, voices? "Why of course!" One exclaimed, "We all know that Kalina means well, bless her soul."
"Yes, Jocelyn , but the way she intruded earlier was genuinely rude!" Proclaimed another.
What were these voices coming from, and who?
"The way she carries herself is disgraceful," Jocelyn said. "It's almost as if she doesn't care at all. Don't you agree, Valentina?"
"Oh I do, I quite do."
Should I approach them? And what if I do? What would I do then? I was scared. What if they would hurt me? I didn't know who these beings were, and I wasn't sure I wanted to find out.
"Ugh, and that little boy she drags around, he looks like a drowned rat!"
Valentina laughed, and Jocelyn joined in.
I listen to their conversation for a while, then gathered the courage to approach them.
"How does she expect-" Valentina trailed off as I got closer. They were so different from me, yet so similar. They had the same structure, a body of a wolf and the tail of the Dragon. But they didn't have wings, or the strange Aura that made up my mane. What would they think of me?
Valentina stuttered, and Jocelyn's jaw dropped. They both fell to the ground, their faces down. I didn't know what to do. Why were they bowing to me? What had I done? Was it just… Me? Did the sight of me make them do this?
Whatever the reason, I didn't want to be responsible for it. "You can stand now." I said hesitantly.
"Who... What are you?" Jocelyn asked.
"Never express yourself more clearly
than you are able to think."
~Niels Henrik David Bohr
They seemed to accept that answer well enough, but they also seemed confused still. I suppose they must been wondering, how had I gotten there? How did I even exist? But despite how confused they must've felt, they stammered on. The two girls woke up the rest of the pack, they wanted to introduce me to everyone. Of course.
I hid while everyone gathered together. Some seem to wide-awake, but someone still groggy from being wakened from their sleep. Valentina started to introduce me, but Jocelyn cut her off and continued. They fought over this for a while, subtly of course. Each wanted to be the first to tell everyone about what they'd found.
The second they finished, I stepped shyly out of the bushes. When the crowd glimpsed me, they fell silent. The thoughts that must've been going through minds. I'm sure it was very mind-boggling. I mean, how is it possible? How could it be that there is a being like this, like me?
After a few seconds of this, one of the creatures in the front row fell to the ground, and others followed. I didn't know how to stop it, so I let them sniff the dirt.
The first one to stand up was a light purple creature with a white mane and subtle white markings. Next to her was a small boy, just old enough to walk. He had the same color as his mom, but a bit duller and more grey. Following her example, he stood up as well. When the young lady raised her head, she looked me straight in the eye. No one had had the nerve to do so before. I could tell she understood, she knew I didn't want to be the center of attention.
The others saw her and also rose, though none looked at me directly. After this, I was ushered aside o meet everyone. They all came and said hello, one by one. I tried to hide my confusion and fear, but I think maybe it was too strong to conceal.
I looked up and realized just how much lighter it had gotten. The sun was about to peak over the horizon, and smile its scorching rays down on me. I took off, I didn't have time to explain myself. There was a small grove of trees nearby, and I hid in their shade. But even then, the light hurt. Not enough to burn, just enough to sting.
"The mysterious is always attractive.
People will always follow a veil."
-Bede Jarrot
"What are you doing?" They asked.
"I... I can't go out into the light," I replied softly. "it burns me."
They stopped for a moment and thought about this. They seemed very confused. "But... Why? Why would it burn you, and not do the same to us?"
That was a good question. I had no idea. But then, why was I any different than any of them? So I replied with the same answer I had before when I wasn't sure, " I don't know."
The two girls were silent for a moment, then they continued. "You are a Kiamara, aren't you? You're quite the same as us. Just.. Different."
A Kiamara? What was that? I'd never heard anything like that before. Well, there was only one way to find out. "What's that?" I asked, unsure if I wanted to know the answer.
Valentina giggled, and Jocelyn couldn't help but join. They stopped only long enough to say, "Why, it's what we are!" before walking away, still laughing.
Honestly, I don't remember much of that day. I stayed in my little shaded spot, and listened to the Kiamaras talk in the distance. That day has faded much from my memory. But that night...

“If you're lucky enough to have something
that makes you different, don't ever change.”
― Taylor Swift
As soon as the sun set, I rose from my shadowed perch and walked slowly over to the others. I was nervous, but I started to feel like I belonged here, with others, but not with them as well. It was a strange feeling, and it only made me more nervous.
I got nearer to the pack, and they looked up from their hushed discussion. They were huddled in a circle around a fire, which was a bit bright for my eyes.
"We've decided to give you a tour," one of the kiamaras I didn't yet know said grudgingly. "Kalina will take you."
Kalina. I knew I'd heard that name before. That's right, I remembered. Jocelyn and Valentina had been talking about her, her and her son. They pointed me toward a Kiamara with purple fur, the same purple fur I'd seen before. This Kalina was the same Kiamara who had looked me in the eye, the same Kiamara who the two gossip era had been complaining about. I wasn't sure about what was going to happen next.
I strode hesitantly toward her, and she kindly beckoned me over. "I'll take you away from here," she whispered. Her son followed, and we walked away from the pack, who was indubitably staring at us.
Immediately, I felt more relaxed. I didn't know why, but I knew I could trust Kalina. She didn't stare, or whisper, she understood. She hated being the center of attention as much as me.
Her son was quiet, making no noise save for the sound of the leaves rustling under his feet.
"What's your name?" I asked him tentatively.
"Alduin," was his simple answer. I thought it to be a strange name, but a good one nonetheless.
We walked along for a little bit, until the pack was out of view, but not quite out of earshot. "You always want to know where you stand with them," Kalina advised me as we stopped by a small stream. She offered me a drink, but I politely declined.
" I don't exactly... Drink or eat anything." I explained. She seemed only mildly surprised.
"With true friends...
even water drunk together is sweet enough."
-Chinese Proverb
"They said you'd come," she said quietly.
"Who?" I asked, intrigued. Maybe she knew something that could help me.
"My ancestors," Kalina replied, but was cut off from continuing.
We heard yelling from the pack, and it seemed as if the cries of anger were getting closer. Kalina listened for a moment, then looked at me in concern.
"We have to get you out of here," she said urgently. Whatever she had heard, it couldn't have been good. She called to her son, then took off, leading me in a strange direction. We passed through their main camp and through to the edge of their territory. They screeched to a stop, and Kalina turned to me so she could give me an important message.
"You need to go back to wherever you came from. They won't let you stay here, and they'll try their best to hunt you down. You're too different, they can't accept you, so they have to be against you. I'll do my best to cover for you, but you have to leave now. It was a pleasure knowing you, and I hope I'll see you again someday." She looked genuinely sorry that this had happened to me, and I realized I had made a friend, one I would trust with my life.
Just then, a feather fell from an unknown source. It touched my skin and wrapped around me, forming a string around my paw. I looked up, saw a flash, and blacked out.

“Forbidden to remember,
terrified to forget;
it was a hard line to walk.”
― Stephenie Meyer,
New Moon

I examined my feather. It wouldn't come off, so I could only assume it was meant to be there. It was exactly like the one in my vision, but real. How could this be? It seemed as if, as soon as a question was answered, a hundred more sprang up in its place.

During the time left in my cave, I began to calculate time. The time I'd spent in the cave, and exactly how much time I'd been here, on this planet. As I got closer to the answers, things that were confusing before started to make more sense. I had wondered a bit of why I had decided on that day that it was time to leave. I now learned that it was the 100th anniversary of my 'birth' into this world. Time now made sense to me.


She was called the celestial virgin, and lived among the mortals for a period during the Golden Age. Astraia was among the last to leave human company. She left them because she could not bear the treachery they had come to. She was then placed among the stars as the constellation Virgo.
I could relate. I loved the company of the other Kiamaras, but they turned on me and I was forced to leave. I could empathize with her, and I think that's why I loved that story so much.
But of course, this story only reminded me of Kalina, with her understanding eyes and warm presence. How I treasured the memory of her.

I kept time on any surface that didn't have symbols covering it. It had been so many years, I'd almost lost count. Almost.
During these years, the few memories I had began to get blurrier, until I could only vaguely remember the kiamaras who I had approached first. The only thing that remained clear was Kalina, and her son Alduin. They would remain there, I hoped, and never fade away.
I became utterly bored out of my mind, pining for the company of others. I even started to talk to my feather as if it were a living being. The markings and symbols on the walls became my friends, and I would read to them. I would read them the stories encased in the scrolls, and some I made up entirely by myself.
“Time is the longest distance between two places.”
― Tennessee Williams,
The Glass Menagerie
Just as I was about to knock on the door of insanity, a light began to shine behind me. It was a pink-orange glow, coming from one of the uncovered walls. As I watched, it grew brighter and brighter, until I had to shut my eyes to keep the blinding light out. It got brighter, too bright, then suddenly dimmed.
Before me lay symbols- new symbols. They must be of me, right? Would they tell me what to do next, what my future would hold? There was only one way to find out. I sat down to decipher them, and did nothing else until I had finished.
When the story finally emerged from the muck, it was stranger than ever before. The interpretation was a bit fuzzy, and I could only guess at hat certain symbols meant. But the picture it painted... I wasn't so sure about it. It told me to go out again, put myself out there. Meet the Kiamaras once again, and I would find my destiny there. There was a strange symbol next to one of the feather, one I couldn't figure out. It looked like no Kiamara I'd seen before. He seemed older, and wiser.
There were some other confusing symbols as well, such as the fiery bird or the ripple of air. What did they mean? Even though I knew the only way to find out, I couldn't bring myself to think of he possibility of going back out into the world that had banished me. But if I didn't, what would be one of me here? Would I slowly go insane, as I had started to before? We're my fears boxing me in so much so that I couldn't move?
I was scared. Scared that they would try to harm me, but even more so that they would reject me. I isn't know if I could take it again. I feared it would shatter my entire being.

For hours, I pondered this. Could I let my fears rule my life? Could I afford to let them go?
“Never let the sense of past failure defeat your next step.”
~Oswald Chambers
I tried to remember which direction I had headed off in so many years ago. Was it to the left, or the right? Or perhaps straight ahead? I closed my eyes and thought of Kalina. I thought of her purple fur, and the lighter color of her eyes. It worked, I remembered where I'd gone, and started walking.
Memory is a funny thing. You may forget the most obvious of things, yet remember the smallest of details. I remembered the scent in the air when I first heard the two Kiamaras talking. I smelled it now, and I knew I was close. Sure enough, I soon heard Kiamaras talking in the distance.
"Catch me if you can!" Yelled a young one.
"Courage is not the abscence of fear,
but rather the judgement that something
else is more important than fear."
-Ambrose Redmoon
I watched them for a while, until day began to break. I then hid in a small crevice under a large rock. This would become my temporary home during the times ahead.
For months, I watched them. I watched them play, and eat, and sleep. I watched them party, and study all night long. I watched their lives up close, and watched over them.

One night, as I was watching behind my favorite tree, a shadow passed in front of me. I froze, and realized a little too late that I'd been found out. I had not choice but to turn around and face he one who'd caught me.
It was the strange symboled Kia, the older one who appeared in the carvings on the cave wall. The color of his fur seemed familiar, but I couldn't quite place it. It was a gray color, but there was just something about it.
He looked genuinely surprised to see me, then shocked. I thought he was going to have a heart attack. But he calmed down after a second and spoke. His voice sounded like leaves crackling under your paws.
When I get logical,
and I don't trust my instincts -
that's when I get in trouble.
~Angelina Jolie
"Come with me."
I followed him hesitantly, and be led me to a large sitting rock by a waterfall. I recognized this place, it was where Kalina had taken me the night I'd been chased away. "Who are you?" I had to ask, since he obviously knew me.
The old Kia stared at me for a moment, then began his story.
"When I was just a pup, a strange Kiamara came to our little pack. She was as black as night, with a mane of pink and orange that flowed in the wind. She was unknown to us, and we to her. She could not go out into the daylight, for it burned her. She didn't drink, or eat, or even sleep. She was the most unusual Kiamara that anyone had ever seen. 'Too unusual', they said. 'She had to go' they reasoned. So they chased her away, back to wherever she came from. But one Kia helped her. One by the name of Kalina."
"She was my mother," he concluded.
I stared at him for a long moment, then the memories of Kalina came flowing back. The way she never said anything, but you knew what she was feeling. And her little boy, that little Kiamara... Could it be? Just then I saw the purple tint in the gray of his fur. That faded color seemed the only connection to his mother, but it was strong enough.
"I-" something touched my tail before I could finish. It was another feather. I didn't black out when it touched me this time. My eyes glowed faintly, and my fur moved with an unknown breeze. I began to float, to hover above the rock we were sitting on.
Darkness cannot drive out darkness;
only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate;
only love can do that.
~Martin Luther King, Jr.
My mane wrapped around the boy, and he began to float as well. The swirls of pink engulfed him, and I started to speak. "Alduin, child, you will live until my prophecy has come true. You must help me find my destiny, and only then will this curse of a blessing be broken."
I was shocked. I had done that? But no, surely I hadn't. With he vision also came the reason. Kalina had wanted to see me again, but she knew she wouldn't. So I had given her the assurance that her son would, and that he would help me find my path. I watched as the glowing aura around me faded, and I Alduin and I lowered back to the ground. I spun around and ran, using my wings to propel me toward my cave.
The vision faded, and my sight came back. I stopped glowing, and was lowered toward the rock. Alduin, now old and wise, stared at me.
"I remember." I said plainly. He nodded, still a little surprised.

"Come," he called to me as he walked back into the trees. "Follow me."
I did, and he led me to a place I didn't recognize. It was just a small clearing, nothing really special about it.
"This is where my mother always told me to come if I needed to think." He explained. "I want you to meditate," Alduin looked at me, serious. "Think of everything at once, then nothing. I think it will help you."
I walked to he middle of the clearing and laid down. I closed my eyes as I began to think. I thought of my fall, my loneliness in that time. I felt it again, heartbreaking as it was. I thought of the scrolls, and the markings on the walls of my cave. I even thought of my secret stash if unknown things from the outside world. I thought of Kalina, and Alduin. I thought of how they helped me escape. The memory of my momentary insanity in my cave was shocking, and a bit frightening. I remembered the bright light when the new symbols appeared, and my trek through the wilderness to find the pack again. I thought about the months I watched the pack, and how Alduin found me. I thought about the strange tale that had become my life, and I was overwhelmed.
I stopped thinking. I thought of nothing, and I was calm. I felt my
Yes begin to glow, and my body lifted from the ground. Something wrapped around my tail. Another feather, I presumed. Light swirled around me.
It hit me, where I came from didn't matter. Nothing did, except the safety of others. For he last few months, I hadn't been spying on the other Kiamaras, I had been watching over them. Protecting them. I had come here to be that, their guardian angel. That was my destiny.
“All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
~ J.R.R. Tolkien,
The Fellowship of the Ring
But now she was gone, and I had to watch over her kin.
A large sigh came from my right, and I snapped out of it. I fell to the ground as my glow faded, and ran to Alduin. He had slumped the ground, and I came to the only conclusion there was. He was dead. He had helped me find my destiny, and my curse on him had been lifted. He didn't have to watch more of his family die. He could rest now, in peace.
I ran from the scene, tears streaming from my eyes. I hid in my little crevice of a temporary home until the time came. I knew it was time, I just knew. It had come, the night I would approach the pack.
They didn't seem as surprised as I had though they would. That was alright with me. A few asked me heat ions, but overall they accepted me. I told them my story, the parts if it hey needed to know. Alduin had told them all the tale of how I'd set the blessing on him. He had told them I would come back someday. And I had.

As my last words with them, I shared my favorite story, the one of Astraia. When they'd heard this, they began to draw the connections between us, Astraia and myself.
Then I left them, went back to my temporary home that had become a permanent one. As I watched, the Kiamaras began to refer to me as 'Astraia, the starry one'.
Later I heard them talking of another, one named Alduin Elderine Silas. I soon found that he was Alduin's great-great-grandson, named after his ancestor.
When I thought about Kalina and Alduin, I vowed to never again grow close to another Kiamara, never. I couldn't bear the pain of losing them to the ultimate curse of time.
And I've kept that promise well, until now.
"For the memory has painted this perfect day
with colors that will never fade,
and we find at the end of a perfect day
the soul of a friend we've made."
-Carrie Jacobs Bond
*Just as a note - all of the kias used in this story are nonexistent, except for these fellows.
Astraia (kia #200)
Alduin 'Elderine' Silas
Also, as another note. I'm sorry for any typos, I tried to weed them out, but there's so many ;A;
Astraia (kia #200)
Alduin 'Elderine' Silas
Also, as another note. I'm sorry for any typos, I tried to weed them out, but there's so many ;A;

"Every human is an artist.
The dream of your life is to make beautiful art."
~Don Miguel Ruiz
"Art lives where absolute freedom is
because when it is not,
there can be no creativity."
~Bruce Lee
And several sketches on my math paper.
I'd like to explain those for a second.
This is the first time I've been thinking
about a kia so much that I started to
sketch her unconsciously. I have to say,
I love her to pieces <3