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PART ONE{~The before thought.~}
I slid lithely from the shadow where I spent most of my time, when I was away from my secluded home In Waterfall Cave. I slunk around the edges of the crowd, not mixing with the wooers or getting caught in their frenzied fray. The birth of 3 new Ahzenai was enough to blow their miniscule minds, I guess. I snickered softly. Pausing to take in my surroundings, I emerged briefly and shielded myself from the onslaught of people with a growl and a lash of my tail. Thankfully, they retreated like scared mice. I raised my head daintily, but a hard, no-nonsense expression hardened my features. I took it all in- all three of them. One, Sererak, I think Valcyon, or maybe Sererak herself had said , was running laps around the vortex like a young child on caffeine. I would
not approach her. The mere thought annoyed me. I was glad I turned my attention away when I did, for I would have missed the rapid retreat of the pure white Ahz. The one running from it all. I made a mental note to find and possibly speak with him later, for he had piqued my curiosity.
I focused my attention back on the other vortex Ahz, a female named Elvira. She was graceful and pretty, two things I was sure would attract wooers to her like ants to a crumb. But I hesitated, toiling with an idea. Should
I woo her? The term ‘woo’ made the whole process seem quite unappealing, especially since it was laced with scarred memories. Before I had realized what I was doing, I was copying her grace, and I glided up to her. But before I reached her, I /stopped. That was it. I stopped. No one would have noticed or thought anything of it, but my vast, quickly calculating mind had made a slight mistake. I really did not
want to woo her, I just felt a strange compulsion to. I don’t thinmk it was her, Elvira, necessarily, but something else. Something was nagging at the back of my mind, a misfit thought, like a colorful swirl on a palette of black paint.
He needs you! it screamed unpleasantly, claws on a chalkboard.
You need him!I lashed my tail like the snap of a cow hide rope.
I will make the decisions! I snarled silently at, well, myself. My ears burned involuntarily. Had I really been reduced to talking to myself? But I (my thoughts) were right. I wanted to find
hom, the white one, the ghostly one. The one who I suddenly felt needed something to stand for. But what did I stand for? Don’t call me stupid- I hear the rumors. Word travels to even the deafest ears. The rumors saying that I was stone cold, soulless even. That I had had my heart broken, or no one wanted me at my birth. But those were lies. People lie so easily, easier than speaking their native tongue. You don’t have to speak their language to hear the tone of a lie. No, I did not stand for lies. I stood for myself, and it was a cold, lonely relationship. It hurt. Each half-minded, failed attempt at wooing a companion hurt. Each failure hurt. My icy, glass heart was chipped, first- and here is the truth- by the girl who (did want me!) wooed me, then died, and again with each passing day of loneliness. Each solemn paw step and singular breath of mine in the frosty air hurt.
I was alone.
I hated it.
It was only a matter of time until there were so many chips that I would shatter. I would great that day with open arms and a brave face. Relinquishing my mind from these dark, constricting thoughts, I moved onward, back towards the shadowy forest where the timid, byzantine Xiron had vanished. Ah, the shadows. Besides my mind, they were my only friend. They conceal all and judge no one, the perfect balance for someone like me, full of secrets and memories. My thoughts buzzed with what might be called ‘happiness’ with my concealment, but since I was never truly happy, I simply dismissed it.
Find him! they screamed again, a banshee wail, shrill and distracting.
I will! I answered angrily.
Tell him! they demanded, the octave rising higher with each spine-tingling, ear crushing demand.
Tell him, tell him!I refused to admit I knew what they wanted. They wanted me,
I wanted me, to tell my story to this Xiron. Even if he did not want to join me necessarily, it was time my story was told. Only someone with a timid, yet brave, understanding, yet incomprehensive, selfless, yet self-centered soul would understand. Sure, Xiron might be a little afraid, sure, maybe
I was a little afraid. But nothing mattered. I needed him. And I felt maybe he needed someone too. Someone who had faced this world alone, who had only themselves to console them when they cried. Only themselves to say the monsters aren’t real. Only themselves to help them face reality. And I had.
As I padded silently to Xiron’s hideout- I had a knack for finding these- I thought about my other attempts at companionship. The most recent and heart breaking Reeves, to the original, joyous meeting of Ara, my girl.
My girl. But Reeves was the first time I had started to let loose since Ara’s death, to be more of the person I was inside. I had felt almost a maternal instinct with him, a need to protect, a need to care for him, like I had for Ara in her final days, final hours, minutes, seconds… And to Levorith, who I never had a good shot with anyway. I hadn’t been completely honest with him- a big mistake. That was over before it even started. I traced back through my previous woos, picking out the faults, the weaknesses, and mistakes, this small, shiny a rock a rather big reminder around my neck. Ara would have loved the sparkly little thing…
No more, I told myself.
Not now, wait. I walked onward, each paw step a giant bound, yet each second a millennia.
My plasma-like flare rippled and swerved on my back, reflecting my nervous, tension filled emotions. Xiron, at least, wsa lucky o have such a beautiful ‘soul shower,’ as I mockingly called the swirling elements. My flare rippled in response, darkening. I sighed and continued, picking my way over roots and rocks with the grace of someone who learned from being alone. Silence was the best company. Noise was only a helpless reminder you
were alone. I approached Xiron silently, forcing my now fast-beating heart to slow.
Calmly, I chided myself.
Let’s not appear hasty.PART TWO{~The meeting~}
And then I saw him. He had a faint aura, casting a weak glow in the surrounding gloom, banishing the shadows, by cover. But it also banished my fear. Already he had cleared away my darkness. I suddenly had the feeling you get around an old friend, a sense of ease. But I also had the uncomfortable tension of someone who needed to tell a secret, or tell the truth after lying. And I did. I lingered back, hidden by the trees. I had been waiting for this moment for a long time, and now that it was finally here, I felt unprepared. What would I say? How would he react? Would he care? Shoving these unsupporting contemplations, I focused back on the task ahead. I stepped forward, one paw bringing me through my overwhelming past and into the future. My aqua plasma cast another dim radiance, a firefly glow, crossing Xiron’s like a Venn diagram. I closed my azure eyes, and then brought myself into full view. Slowly, I opened my eyes.
“Hello,” I said. Simple enough, it seemed, but it took all my concentration to keep my voice from shaking. “I’m Vercivis.”And with those two words, it all came flowing out. I tried to begin slowly, but the whole story sat on the tip of my tongue “And I believe you are Xiron?” .
My voice rang crystal clear, soft and melodious around our space. “I don’t believe we’ve met. I’ve come from a little ways away, over the valley.” I explained, my gaze shifting and settling on the general direction of my home. “I live alone.” Even softer, a whisper. “It was not entirely my intention to ‘woo’ you,” I shrugged, sarcastic emphasis on the word ‘woo.’ Ara had thought it was a silly word as well. “I honestly… wanted to… to talk,” I admitted. “About two years ago, I too was creates from the vortex. I was wooed, more or less,” I said grimly, the word woo once again slipping untastefully between my teeth. I truly despised that word. “She was my best, my only friend. About six months after our union, she became sick. Very sick. There was a lot of talk about doctors and costly operations, and chemotherapy. And maybe even… death. I couldn’t understand why she would leave me. I couldn’t understand!” I murmured through clenched teeth, grief choking my voice. I looked down, unable to meet Xiron’s soul-searching gaze. I continued on, my voice growing still heavier with the grief of this tale, “I left her, just for a week. Just long enough for her condition to become very unstable. When I returned once again, she passed that evening. I had never told her, Ara, she was named, that I was sorry. That I loved her. That more than anything in the world, I loved her.”A tear slid silently out of my eye. I hadn’t even realized I was about to cry, I was too caught up in spouting my flashbacks to Xiron. “She was the only person who understood me, Xiron. But I see in you something I saw in her- something broken. Something that needed an understanding friend. She taught me as much about life as I taught her about reality. Ever since her death, I’ve traveled alone. I’ve tried a handful of times to find another companion, but never with success. I’ve never told anyone the truth. No one has ever listened. I also just wanted to say-“I broke off quickly, calming myself. “- just say that, it’s okay to be afraid. Life is scary, Xiron. We just need the right person to face it with.” The light of my plasma flare softened to a dull glow, casting an eerie, dappled glow, the color of tropical ocean water. The light mingled with the edges of Xiron’s glow, his beautiful, beautiful orbs illuminating the forest. It was breathtaking. So there isbeauty in truth, I mused.
Turning my attention back to Xiron, I continued. “It hurts,” I whispered, the flow of tears almost returning. “It hurts to be alone. The rumors don’t bother me, not anymore. I’ve hardened myself against that, at least. But It’s hard, so hard. I don’t want that to happen to you, Xiron, like it happened to me.” I declared truthfully.“I- I can teach you.” I whispered again, tripping over my words a little. I shuffled my Mardi-Gras paws. “
I can teach you how to live in this world, to be unafraid; to conquer each day without fear. All I ask from you, is that I won’t be alone. That you won’t be alone.
“Even if you decline my offer, fair Xiron, and never again bring this meeting to your mind, don’t forget what I have said, at least. Please, never forget.” I winced involuntarily, my thoughts swimming around and bumping into each other, a mass chaos inside my head. "‘Remember how it is to be alone, after many months of restless searching, fruitless chances. It isn’t as peaceful as you think". I added the last line with a sideways glance back at him. “Remember what happened to Ara, how everything she had was taken to quickly, so unfairly. We should have appreciated what time we had left together. Life is so unfair,” I repeated with a sigh. “But I can show you, I give you my word. And- “ I said, slipping the shiny rock necklace off of my neck- “I can give you this. It may be a little more solid than my word, if you would prefer. Ara would have loved that…” I said, gazing at the rock I set at Xiron’s ghastly paws with a sad smile. “I want to get over this loneliness,” I spoke, lifting my gaze back to him. “I need your help, and I believe you can use mine. A fair exchange.” I nodded once, hoping he agreed. I hoped he was even listening, too. Something told me he was.“It’s been so long,” I sighed once more, trying to draw this painful, yet hopeful conversation to an end. “It’s been so long since I have spoken the truth. But I do not represent lies; I do not want you to think that.” I rose to my paws, element swirling with anticipation. “It was not my intention to disturb your peace, or your thoughts,” I nodded solemnly, in a whisper. “But I do hope, with all my heart, that you’ll remember this. And… and consider. I’ll take my leave now, to leave you to your musings,” I said with a wry smile. “I’m sure you have a lot to think about,” I said, noticing the other wooers peeking through the trees, infringing on my time with him. “
But if you ever want to talk, or… join me, simply tell me. Call for me. I’ll be there.” And with this, I blinked in farewell, a little, pleasant smileresting on my face, and I melded back into the shadows, which swaddled my healing mind like the softest blanket. Maybe I wouldn’t always be broken.
Whew! At last! I typed this whole story up in Microsoft, after I had written it in my notebook. I think it totaled 6 pgs front ant back in my note book, and 4 pgs in Microsoft. Not to mention I had a ten-week-old-kitten with an affixation for biting anything that moves, namely my fingers! I think this was my favorite woo to write, even though the lines are etched with sadness. I’m glad, at least, that we all know Vercivis’s tale. She isn’t truly alone, right?
