i miss my cat so much,, shes just been here with me for so long in my life, through all the rough stages/patches,, she obviously couldnt do much but listen, but it felt like she was always there for me,, always by my side until the end
she felt like a mother to me in a sense,, she brought me more comfort than my actual mother ever has,,,
its bizarre to me still to even think that she could be gone, let alone the fact that she is,,
i miss lillie so damn much,,,
i miss her sleeping by my feet every night, i miss seeing her sit in the crappy decade old massage chair every time i went up and down the stairs, i miss thinking she got outside only to see her stupid butt crawl out from inside the organ/piano thing, i miss her always loving to sleep under my older brothers bed and having to bait her to get her out at night, i miss her meowing so loudly at the door to try and get us to let her upstairs, i miss her pawing at my leg to get me to pet her, or her pawing up at my knee to get me to pick her up, i miss her cute lil pink ears n nose, and booping her lil noseee, i miss the cute way she would sniff everything i offered to her, i miss laying beside her and us just staring at each other n sleeping together, i miss giving her all the belly rubs in the world, i miss her beautiful absolutely stunning self,,,, she was such a pretty cat,,
she was so involved in my life, i did so much with her,,,
i have no idea what to really do without her here,,,
ive visited her grave quite a few times, trying to talk to her, telling her about what ive been doing,, it hasnt even been a week since but i feel like i got so much to tell her all the time,, i miss just sitting and talking my whole mind empty to her,,
my other two furballs i think noticed how she was slowing down her last few days, and understand what happened,, theyve been going easy on me like they did before with other serious situations,, i love those two boys so much,, lillie was a cranky ol lady and enjoyed being more by herself, but she gotten to bond so much with those two than i ever thought she would,, she even would let them groom her and she would return it,,, used to she would be so dismissive towards other cats, no matter how you went about introducing them to each other,, i could tell she enjoyed those two tho she would never let us humans see it, hehehee,,
gah theres so much to say,,, so much happening in my mind,,
these last five days felt like a whole year,, its insane,, everything is moving so slow,,
i dunno,,, i keep losing my train of thought
i love you my sweet old lady,, you lived a good long life of 18 years,, which is still so insane to me!! you came into my life when you were already 10!! ive always been so curious about all that you already lived through with your previous owner,, i loved to just come up with different ideas based on how you acted heheh,, i still will forever totally think you had kittens before,, you just acted so motherly and the lil pouch under your belly was so much bigger than on other cats,, maybe you really didnt but it made more sense to me to think you diddd :D
ough im tired,, thats enough thought dumping for now i think,, theres not much left in my noggin
i can tell you all of this more properly lillie,, ill visit you tomorrow
rest easy girll <3
p.s. i aint proof reading lady, good luck HAH
and extra extra cause,,, yea <3 :
Lillie "Billie"
April 5th, 2005 - December 15th, 2023
Rest Easy Old Lady