shibui || nephrite || they/she
1. [499.]I can't help but think. How different things could have been.
I look at myself in the mirror, but the person that stares back isn't me. Closing my eyes, my body heaving with a large sigh, I get up and leave the room. Everything- aside from the low hum coming from below my feet- was silent. I decide to leave the house. I look fine, right? Maybe a little pale.
The world was still silent, as I trudged along. Not even a bird's call it. I come across the school. No, this isn't right. It's quiet. Aggression clouds my mind. When I open my eyes, its there. The loud bustle of students rushing to their classes, friends chatting aimlessly amongst eachother. I feel at peace, and the anger fades. I step inside, though wobbly. The people around me all look the same but- they're people, right? I make it to a class, and I look inside. They all have the same face- Is this my class? I take a seat. Time seems to continue passing but nothing changes. Is there a teacher? Or maybe I was the teacher. Everyone simultaneously gets up, they walk in a monotone line without error. I watch. Eventually, I myself follow, and end up at a large track field. Is this right? This field wasn't here before. Everyone is running, they all look too similar. Everything down to their footsteps is lined up in complete homogeneity. I don't join them, it seems wrong to. I wasn't like them. I get up, and turn to leave- maybe it was wrong to leave in the first place. But then I heard it. An earsplitting whistle- there wasn't a teacher here. I turn my head. All the people, with all their faces, stare at me. I guess I should have known it was coming. My heart pounds, as I step towards the track. They all stare. Their heads turn- mirroring each step I make. My head pounds, and I hear it. The whispers. When I whip my head around however, all their mouths are closed- staring at me with blank expressions. I grab my head, My vision shook as I stared at the ground. I took my place at the center of the track. I feel my heart pounding. The sweat across my face just keeps gathering. I ready myself to run. I will run, and keep running until I find the truth. I began my sprint. My head wasn't focused. I kept thinking. They aren't real, where are the real people. I gasp for air. My feet twist and in slow motion, I feel it happening. I see the ground rushing up to meet me.
It hurt. Everything hurt. When I look up, I can't help but choke back a sob. Its all gone. I was right. None of it was there. Nothing but barren land. The only building in front of me was rotted in shambles. None of it was real, so, what was real?
2. [500.]My heart stops when you look at me.
How many days has it been? How long have I been here. I felt like I have been imagining stuff. I couldn't even remember where I was. I travelled the city. It was nearly gone, and so was I. Famished and exhausted, I fell to my knees. It's been too long- I couldn't keep up with my own mind, it ran circles around me. I close my eyes as the tears filled them. It burned my face when I cried, sometimes I wondered if I had even cried acid. Or maybe it was another trick. I never knew what to trust. I got up, feeling more defeated than ever, Despair clouded my mind, washing over everything. And thats when I saw you. No, I had to be imagining it. Someone else? There was nobody- I was sure of it, and yet you stood there in *my* mind. You didn't have the blank face. You were... Someone. I slowly advanced, still convinced that when my hand reached out to touch your shoulder, you'd be gone. But the bewilderment on your face mirrored mind. My hand rested on your shoulder. Neither of us spoke, we just stared. What was there to say? I blinked hard a couple times, still convinced you would disappear. You shrugged your shoulder, my arm fell off. The silence had never felt more uncomfortable than it did right then. Minutes seemed to pass. I decided to give up, there was nothing to say anyway. With a newfound spark of hope- no matter how small- I turned and walked away. Maybe I thought that if you were real, you'd say something. But instead of speaking, you fell in behind me. We walked together silently, my hand resting against the knife on my side- I still didn't know who I could trust.
You ate the food greedily. A cold can of beans may have seemed unappealing, but we both wolfed it down in seconds. I fed you, and brought you to my shelter, but no words had been exchanged.
"You are not fake." My voice was hollow, I couldn't even remember the last time I spoke.
"What an odd thing to say." You spoke, but unlike me, your voice sounded normal."I guess... You aren't fake either" You spoke as if we were old friends reuinited.
"You weren't here before. I don't understand you." My face was a mixture of emotions, but you simply chuckled, "I have a name. No need to just call me you." A name?
"What is your name." I asked. You paused. Your face seemed to grim. I notice it, and I'm sure you did too, "I guess- I guess your name is just You."
You laugh, " I like it." Its contageous, and soon I'm laughing along. I quiet down quickly, and speak again.
"Do you know- what... happened here?" I ask. My voice breaks a little, as I watch Your face drop.
"You don't know? You caused this."
3.
coloured version