lunar new year [prompt 6] | [analeigh and aleyx] | [.paris.]
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ xxxxxhe wasn't supposed to call me. we agreed after everything went down to never speak to one another again because the wounds were too painful. each word he tried to speak knotted up his tongue and sent daggers into my heart. so, we agreed to stop trying.
xxxxxit was a january morning when he called. raining, at least where i was. we hadn't spoken in 6 months (and 23 days, if you're curious.)
xxxxxit felt like the world stopped turning. as the phone buzzed, i found myself transfixed by the ringtone, the special ringtone, and the stupid heartbeat vibration i had never turned off. the name shone in bright white letters at the top of the screen: alexander.
xxxxxmy trance broke when my phone buzzed itself onto the floor, propelled by the heartbeats. it felt like it was my own heart jumping off that counter, hitting the floor with a loud crack.
xxxxxconvinced that both my phone and my heart were broken (again), i hesitantly answered. "hello?"
xxxxx"hey!" he began, cheery as ever. "sorry to call unannounced, i just figured i'd check up on you! it's been a while, and i was curious what you were up to."
xxxxxi was in a state of shock. my mouth was dry, thoughts were racing through my head like a herd of wild horses. i heard myself trying to catch my breath, but nothing was there.
xxxxxit had been so long since i'd heard his voice.xxxxx"uh," i stammered, "i'm doing good! just, uh, getting through school. what about you?" i was trying to get out a reply with my sandpaper tongue scraping against his silken words; anything i could say would fall short of his cool nonchalance. if he was a cool palm tree blowing in the breeze, i was a hurricane.
xxxxx"that's good to hear! i knew school was going to be a good thing for you. what are you studying now? anything interesting?"
xxxxxi could hear the relaxation in his voice. i wished i could match it but my heart was running a marathon, palpitating wildly as i tried so hard to stay sane. "i'm, um, studying early childhood education. and uh, french, too."
xxxxx"ah, french! the language of lovers. it suits you." he laughed, as though he made a funny joke.
xxxxxmy stomach bottomed out, a cavernous void swallowing me whole. my mouth took on a mind of its own. "alexanderwhydidyoucallme"
xxxxxhe stopped laughing. "what?"
xxxxxi caught my breath, as best i could. "alexander, why did you call me?"
xxxxxi could tell he was caught off guard; he took a moment to answer, saying every word slowly, like he had been hiking and suddenly found himself facing a bear that would eat him if he moved too fast. "just to catch up, ana, why? is it a problem?"
xxxxxi swallowed hard, trying to find the right answers but coming up empty handed. how do you tell someone you're still in love with them?
xxxxxhe continued on, oblivious, laughing through his words. "i mean, c'mon now. it's been six months. surely you aren't still in love with me or anything, right?"
xxxxxthe world around me was tunneling in. i was sitting in a puddle on my dorm room floor, against my bed with my phone cradled against my ear, trying to remember his voice and forget him at the same time.
xxxxxaleyx went quiet. "right, analeigh?"
xxxxxa voice that was not my own, a voice that was not cracked, bruised, or broken came crawling up my throat, digging its nails into my tongue and sliding its slimy way out of my mouth, moving my tongue and saying words i never wanted to have to say: "no," it said, in my voice. "of course i'm not."