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username: 76heart
kalon name: felix, meaning "lucky, successful" or, "happy, fortunate"
doesn't quite fit anxiety, but i feel like he deserves a name with happiness
how they deal with anxiety
felix has always been a bit of an odd one, often skittish and jumpy, darting away to hide behind the nearest thing at sudden flurries of movement. it's a way he's been for his entire life, and it is likely due to his anxiety, and the constant fear that envelopes him when he's put into a situation where he could meet someone new. he's terrified of meeting people and giving them the wrong impression or not knowing what to say, something that can't be helped no matter how many times someone may try to calm him with logic. he's so used to staying on his own and being quiet, listening to the sounds of the world around him and taking them as he continues to watch the world go by around him in silence, that it makes the times where he has to interact with another even worse. he hides behind his mop of hair when he has too, wanting to hide the worry and fear contained by his red eyes anxiously darting around, desperately hoping they don't see what he's feeling like through the strands. the hair in his eyes is like a safety-net, a protection against questions he doesn't have the words for, and it's an odd comfort to him. it's like a barrier to hide behind, something protect him when he becomes afraid. it's the same reason he always drags his little turquoise pillow wherever he goes too; it helps him to feel less exposed to the world when he curls up and it hides his stomach and chest, hugging it with his paws, and it helps for him to be able to hold something, to have a sort of anchor to bring him back to earth. it helps him to hide away when he bursts into a panic too over a surprise that happened that he didn't account for, or a sudden hello from another kalon that comes his way, since in those moments all he knows is that he needs to get away, to hide where others cannot see his panic so he can calm down and prepare himself for what he ran from. it helps to have something to bury his face into when he can't get away, and even when he can. his little pillow also helps him busy or still his paws, since he always seems to need to keep his hands busy somehow when his thoughts get too out of hand, and it helps him to just stare off into space while his paws fiddle with the soft silken fabric. truthfully, he doesn't even know why he's so afraid of what could happen sometimes, but that doesn't stop him from continuing to get worried and afraid and panicked over even the smallest and seemingly insignificant things, because his instinct to flight as opposed to fight is far too strong than it is for most, and his head sets off alarms at anything that could pose even the tiniest of threats.
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this isn't quite connected to the entry, and more a bit of why I wanted to try for this darling little one, but I suffer from anxiety and social anxiety, and these are just two little things that help me to feel a little more secure. i tend to bring a pillow with me to hold whenever I need to go see a counselor/therapist/whatever you want to call them since it helps me to feel less exposed. I don't know why I hate the feeling of having nothing in front of me, but I know I feel a lot better when I have something that covers me a bit. it possibly has to do with something a more spiritual therapist told me once, of how your abdomen is a more vulnerable area to take in feelings and the energies that surround you, but I don't know. all I know is that it helps a surprising amount, and when I was still physically able to go into school (I do something called "unschooling", which a like home schooling, except you have tons of freedom to do what you want, and it's no where near as stressful, and it's a giant help if your school only cares about getting you into the building) hiding behind my hair helped me to calm down when I was about to cry because of the events that really kicked off my anxiety and got me into a hole I'm still digging myself out of. I felt like people couldn't see my face redden, even though they probably could whoops. writing is what helps me most though, and I need to write like I need to breathe, or at least know I can write if I need to. it forces me into a different mindset, and allows me to get out the thoughts and feelings trapped inside since generally once I put something down, if it's not big or significant, I feel so much lighter, and it doesn't come back.
if anyone here ever needs to talk about anxiety though, or anything at all, please don't hesitate to message me. I know how absolutely horrible it is to go through it alone, and how much easier it is to go through with someone who doesn't try to fix you or give you general responses that you hear and see all the time. the amazing friend I own a writing site with is that person to me, and I hope I'm that to her, and if I can be like that to anyone else, I want to try and help <3