Username: PaigeyTheCatLady
Name: Emmer (Short for Emerald, but she hates being called Emerald)
Gender: Female
Occupation:Journalist for "The Redwood Salt"
Personality/Basic information:There's not really much to say about Emmer's personality. She rarely shows any personality other than grumpy, with a soft spot for dogs. She hates everything, and she's found a job where she's loved by everyone for it! She is mostly a loner, with a few friends at her work that she complains with. She hates confrontation, and secretly has a fear of conflict. She acts rude and aggressive towards others, but the instant they become angry and aggressive towards her, she freezes up and pretends to just blow the conversation off like it was nothing, to avoid starting an argument and have someone hate her. She's terrified of people hating her. That's why she writes all of her columns anonymously, because she doesn't want anyone to know who she is and hate her for what she writes. The only person she's comfortable starting arguments with is her boss. Emmer knows that no matter what they argue about or how much they insult each other, they're still cool!

(Questions written in the style of an interview-like survey for Emmer's job as a journalist for "The Redwood Salt", a newspaper written solely for the purpose of making fun of today's society and complaining about things. This survey will show up in the newspaper as Emmer's Biography in the "About the Authors" column...but Emmer has no idea that this is the purpose of the interview, as she remains anonymous in all of her columns)
Alright Emmer...what is your favorite- "....Favorite what? I don't understand the question! Uggh!"
You didn't let me finish. What is your favorite comic?"OH oh, now you give me something to favor...but something dumb! I hate comics!"
Well I hate you, so you can zip it with the insults! What's your favorite movie?Emmer gets out of her seat flops down on the interview table in front of her, "Can we not?"
No...you have to answer the question."Fine...I guess I'd say anything with dogs in it. I may hate people, but I do love dogs...Next question!"
What's your favorite book?Emmer blinks, "Books? You expect me to read books? Just because I write for your newspaper doesn't mean I read it!" She throws the question sheets off the table in anger, "I hate interviews!"
You'd better pick those up after this interview, or you're definitely fired! Now we'll go to preferences. Your favorite, I'm sure!"Oh great, now I have to decide on two equally horrible things probably..."
You're very rude for someone I have to pay...plants or people?"Niether...dogs are better..but if I had to choose, plants. Maybe a cactus, I'd throw it at you for making me do this!"
Definitely not letting you anywhere near our gardens...food or exercise?"Exercise I guess? I don't know...I run sometimes...but I don't really care much about what food I stuff into my mouth, unlike some basic boring people out there!"
Vacation or staycation?"Staycation? What, is that some play on words, or something? I personally think that's dumb, but I'll answer the stupid question anyway! 'Staycation', every vacation spot has too many obnoxious children and careless parents."
I'm sure you wouldn't be any better of a parent! Sweaters or tanks?"I'd make a great parent, thank you very much! I'd actually discipline my kids! Tanks! I can run every last person on this earth over with it!"
That's not what 'Tanks' is referring to, Emmer...TANKTOPS, or sweaters, or this is over..."Jeez, what got you all grumpy, Mr. cranky pants? Tanktops...I get hot way too easily."
night or day?"Night. More people are sleeping and in their house where they belong..
Alright..that concludes this interview. Your bio will show up in tomorrow's newspaper!"WHAT? No no no, you can't do that! You agreed I'd be an anonymous writer!"
Well I've changed that today...everyone's going to know who you are, and see what a great writer you are!Emmer begins to shake in panic, "NO! What if someone hates it! You know I can't handle that.."
Fine...I'll post the bio, but you will be known as the anonymous writer!"Thank you...can I go now?"
Yes, you may leave for now...but I am determined to show the world your talents...