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I let it happen... I don't know how. I could have saved him. I killed my best friend. I'm the one to blame.
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:Name:
Calum
:Nicknames:
Outcast
Pepper
:Full Name:
Calum Lapsus
:Gender:
Male
:Name meaning:
Calum -'dove'
Lapsus - 'fallen', 'unfortunate', 'fortuneless'
Calum
:Nicknames:
Outcast
Pepper
:Full Name:
Calum Lapsus
:Gender:
Male
:Name meaning:
Calum -'dove'
Lapsus - 'fallen', 'unfortunate', 'fortuneless'
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Calum wrote:Oh, hi there. I'm sorry for bumping into you, I didn't see you. I should be more careful.
I really haven't learnt anything, have I?
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It's been 8 years now...
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I was 12 years old and, surprisingly happy. Life for me and my friends at the time was perfect. I really should have known things were just too good to be true, but I thought nothing of it. I was too focused on enjoying life, as strange as that seems to me now. My best friend, Max, Crevan the fox and I were walking home from the cinema, after watching a movie. I was the youngest, Crevan was 14 and Max was 13. Cave, a clumsy kalon also aged 12 at the time, had already left for his home, since he lived no-where near us he took a completely different route. I just wish we had all gone to the pizza place like we were going to, but I suggested we could go home and eat at my place instead.
So, all thanks to me we were walking home early. I now wish we weren't, but at the time we wanted to be home as quickly as possible, so we could all play on my games console I'd recently got given. We walked around some streets and eventually, after 15 minuets we reached Crevan's house. If I had suggested to stay or eat there, everything would have been fine.
Instead, we passed by Crevan's house. We eventually made it to my own home. The first thing we did after busting through the front door was sprint up the stairs all the way to my room, where my new games console sat. We were completely unaware that, thanks to me, we were playing our last game with Max. I wish we had played for longer, perhaps it wouldn't have happened. But we were eating at mine, so we were going to stop playing video games to eat anyway. However this wouldn't have happened if I hadn't suggested to eat at mine in the first place. So, because of me we ended up quitting the game and eating lunch. Afterwards, we would have went back to our video game, I wish we did, but that's unfortunately not what happened.
Max was going to stay at mine for longer, but Crevan had to leave earlier. I foolishly went with Crevan back to his house, meaning Max came with me. We made it safely to Crevan's house, who lived rather close to me. If I had actually suggested something good for once, I'd have said we could stay at Crevan's, but no. I didn't say that, I just said bye to Crevan and went with max back to mine.
We were only a block away from my house when it happened. We were going to cross the road, we looked both ways. No cars, but we looked again. I wish we had just sprinted across the road, even if it was dangerous, perhaps Max would have lived. A car came from around the corner. It was a dark silver. The wheels and bottom of the car was covered in mud and dirt. The car clearly hadn't been cleaned in a while. We stood on the pavement, waiting for the car to drive by us. If we had waited further down the road, Max would have been fine. A blood red car came around the other corner, driving in a wavy line along the wrong side of the road. The car was driving very quickly, far quicker than it should have been. If we were given the chance to stop time and thing, we'd have sprinted away from where we were at that very moment, but everything was so fast, we stood there and watched.
The red car went speeding across the road. The silver car began to back up, attempting to move away from the nearing vehicle, but by then the red car had already become a speeding bullet, a missile that had locked on to the silver car. At this point I had already turned and had begun to flee, watching the entire event whilst running, constantly looking back. I should have yelled ''Max! Run!'' or something like it, but I was silent. Max stood, like a deer in headlights, he was stuck firmly on the ground. The red car crashed into the silver car, not only sending sending glass flying, but the whole silver car was launched across the road, towards Max. I was at this point across the street, where I had stopped, only to watch from a distance, horrified, as the silver car skidded into my best friend.
I stood still. I didn't know what to do. I felt alone, worried. At the time I had no phone on me, so I ran back home, crying. I told my parents about what happened and they begun to make phonecalls. I went to my room and sent Crevan a text about the horrific event. After that, I curled up in the center of my room, wishing the world would swallow me up. I can't remember much after that, apparently I passed out.
So, all thanks to me we were walking home early. I now wish we weren't, but at the time we wanted to be home as quickly as possible, so we could all play on my games console I'd recently got given. We walked around some streets and eventually, after 15 minuets we reached Crevan's house. If I had suggested to stay or eat there, everything would have been fine.
Instead, we passed by Crevan's house. We eventually made it to my own home. The first thing we did after busting through the front door was sprint up the stairs all the way to my room, where my new games console sat. We were completely unaware that, thanks to me, we were playing our last game with Max. I wish we had played for longer, perhaps it wouldn't have happened. But we were eating at mine, so we were going to stop playing video games to eat anyway. However this wouldn't have happened if I hadn't suggested to eat at mine in the first place. So, because of me we ended up quitting the game and eating lunch. Afterwards, we would have went back to our video game, I wish we did, but that's unfortunately not what happened.
Max was going to stay at mine for longer, but Crevan had to leave earlier. I foolishly went with Crevan back to his house, meaning Max came with me. We made it safely to Crevan's house, who lived rather close to me. If I had actually suggested something good for once, I'd have said we could stay at Crevan's, but no. I didn't say that, I just said bye to Crevan and went with max back to mine.
We were only a block away from my house when it happened. We were going to cross the road, we looked both ways. No cars, but we looked again. I wish we had just sprinted across the road, even if it was dangerous, perhaps Max would have lived. A car came from around the corner. It was a dark silver. The wheels and bottom of the car was covered in mud and dirt. The car clearly hadn't been cleaned in a while. We stood on the pavement, waiting for the car to drive by us. If we had waited further down the road, Max would have been fine. A blood red car came around the other corner, driving in a wavy line along the wrong side of the road. The car was driving very quickly, far quicker than it should have been. If we were given the chance to stop time and thing, we'd have sprinted away from where we were at that very moment, but everything was so fast, we stood there and watched.
The red car went speeding across the road. The silver car began to back up, attempting to move away from the nearing vehicle, but by then the red car had already become a speeding bullet, a missile that had locked on to the silver car. At this point I had already turned and had begun to flee, watching the entire event whilst running, constantly looking back. I should have yelled ''Max! Run!'' or something like it, but I was silent. Max stood, like a deer in headlights, he was stuck firmly on the ground. The red car crashed into the silver car, not only sending sending glass flying, but the whole silver car was launched across the road, towards Max. I was at this point across the street, where I had stopped, only to watch from a distance, horrified, as the silver car skidded into my best friend.
I stood still. I didn't know what to do. I felt alone, worried. At the time I had no phone on me, so I ran back home, crying. I told my parents about what happened and they begun to make phonecalls. I went to my room and sent Crevan a text about the horrific event. After that, I curled up in the center of my room, wishing the world would swallow me up. I can't remember much after that, apparently I passed out.
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Life was never meant to be easy
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At first, I'd have said I don't cope. Life can feel like it's come to a stop, but everything around you just carries on like it doesn't even care. Through the support of my friends and family I eventually learnt that even though I could have done things differently, in the end I am only one of the many factors building up to Max's death. However, it took me a long time to realise that.
For nearly two whole years I considered myself the one and only cause of his death. I spent my time seeking punishment. At school, I didn't care about lessons, and I made sure no-one could work either. I quickly became the number one at being sent to the headmasters office. Not only did I seek to be trouble and misbehave, I also looked for bullies. And annoyed them, every chance I was given. I was stupid, but at the time I wanted to be punished 'properly'. No amount of extra work or detentions could equal what I'd done. I felt I had killed my own best friend. Even if getting punched in the face and called names didn't equal things, I thought it would help. I can now see just how stupid I was. If Max was still here, he wouldn't be too pleased with me. But if he was alive, I wouldn't have been such an idiot.
Over time I gained a nickname. It came about after around a year of my messing about. The nickname was 'Outcast'. It summed up who I had become, if I'm entirely honest. At first everyone tolerated me, I had lost my closest friend. My other friends, Crevan and Cave were sad too, but by then they had recovered a bit and focused on helping me. I constantly pushed them away. I shouldn't have, but what I had seen was too horrific to talk about to them, and besides, I didn't want to upset them. Over time Crevan began to stop talking to me. He was fed up of my constant snapping, complaining and general negativity. Cave stayed loyal, to my surprise. He was there, even though at the time I wished he'd go away. I didn't want friends at time, my family was always there but I pushed them away with the rest of the world. I transformed from a rather social kalon to someone who only interacted with others to get their own face punched. If someone tried to talk to me, I acted hostile. I truly became an outcast, and that's why people began to call me one.
As it turns out, the driver in the red car was drunk and shouldn't have been driving. The driver in the silver car was severely injured and hours later, they died in hospital. When I found this out the red car's driver had already got given their prison sentence, I can't remember for how long, but I remember being angry about things, blaming the drunk driver entirely for a whole week. It felt good, I wasn't the cause. As my anger died down, I began to evaluate the factor's of Max's death, almost two years after everything had happened. I realised, whilst I was part of the cause, I wasn't the major cause and I couldn't put all the blame on myself.
Afterwards, I begun to talk to others again. I was the 'outcast' for nearly two years, so this really wasn't easy. As soon as I began becoming more friendly, Cave began to talk to me. Not like how it was before, his speech was more like that of someone you haven't met in a few years. He had a lot to say. Instead of pushing him away like I had for the past two or so years, I listened and replied, well whenever I got the chance! Cave wouldn't stay quiet even for a few seconds. A few days later he gave me a new, better nickname, 'Pepper'. I'm not sure why Cave saw this nickname fit, but I sort of like it anyway. He said it was because I didn't act salty or sweet, so I must be pepper. I really don't understand that, but I just went along with it. With the help of Cave, I began to build up friendships again. Crevan re-appeared in my friend group later on, though he seem's a lot less friendly than he used to be.
For nearly two whole years I considered myself the one and only cause of his death. I spent my time seeking punishment. At school, I didn't care about lessons, and I made sure no-one could work either. I quickly became the number one at being sent to the headmasters office. Not only did I seek to be trouble and misbehave, I also looked for bullies. And annoyed them, every chance I was given. I was stupid, but at the time I wanted to be punished 'properly'. No amount of extra work or detentions could equal what I'd done. I felt I had killed my own best friend. Even if getting punched in the face and called names didn't equal things, I thought it would help. I can now see just how stupid I was. If Max was still here, he wouldn't be too pleased with me. But if he was alive, I wouldn't have been such an idiot.
Over time I gained a nickname. It came about after around a year of my messing about. The nickname was 'Outcast'. It summed up who I had become, if I'm entirely honest. At first everyone tolerated me, I had lost my closest friend. My other friends, Crevan and Cave were sad too, but by then they had recovered a bit and focused on helping me. I constantly pushed them away. I shouldn't have, but what I had seen was too horrific to talk about to them, and besides, I didn't want to upset them. Over time Crevan began to stop talking to me. He was fed up of my constant snapping, complaining and general negativity. Cave stayed loyal, to my surprise. He was there, even though at the time I wished he'd go away. I didn't want friends at time, my family was always there but I pushed them away with the rest of the world. I transformed from a rather social kalon to someone who only interacted with others to get their own face punched. If someone tried to talk to me, I acted hostile. I truly became an outcast, and that's why people began to call me one.
As it turns out, the driver in the red car was drunk and shouldn't have been driving. The driver in the silver car was severely injured and hours later, they died in hospital. When I found this out the red car's driver had already got given their prison sentence, I can't remember for how long, but I remember being angry about things, blaming the drunk driver entirely for a whole week. It felt good, I wasn't the cause. As my anger died down, I began to evaluate the factor's of Max's death, almost two years after everything had happened. I realised, whilst I was part of the cause, I wasn't the major cause and I couldn't put all the blame on myself.
Afterwards, I begun to talk to others again. I was the 'outcast' for nearly two years, so this really wasn't easy. As soon as I began becoming more friendly, Cave began to talk to me. Not like how it was before, his speech was more like that of someone you haven't met in a few years. He had a lot to say. Instead of pushing him away like I had for the past two or so years, I listened and replied, well whenever I got the chance! Cave wouldn't stay quiet even for a few seconds. A few days later he gave me a new, better nickname, 'Pepper'. I'm not sure why Cave saw this nickname fit, but I sort of like it anyway. He said it was because I didn't act salty or sweet, so I must be pepper. I really don't understand that, but I just went along with it. With the help of Cave, I began to build up friendships again. Crevan re-appeared in my friend group later on, though he seem's a lot less friendly than he used to be.
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:Summary:
When he was only 12, his best friend died in car accident. Calum was a witness to the horrifying accident. Overtime he earned himself the nickname 'outcast'. Calum looked to seek attention, but not friends or praise. He wanted to be noaticed, he wanted someone to annoy him, to punish him. He felt that the car accident was his own fault, that if he had done something differently it wouldn't have happened at all. Eventually, over time he realised it wasn't entirely his fault, however even today he considers himself part of the cause.
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When he was only 12, his best friend died in car accident. Calum was a witness to the horrifying accident. Overtime he earned himself the nickname 'outcast'. Calum looked to seek attention, but not friends or praise. He wanted to be noaticed, he wanted someone to annoy him, to punish him. He felt that the car accident was his own fault, that if he had done something differently it wouldn't have happened at all. Eventually, over time he realised it wasn't entirely his fault, however even today he considers himself part of the cause.
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But I pushed them away
The clumsy
Cave
Calum may have pushed him aside for a nearly two years, but throughout that time Cave continued to support Calum, even though he was constantly being ignored.
The careless
Crevan
Crevan is a great, fun friend for anyone who loves to spend time with others. He's good fun for Calum and his friends, but he's never around when you'd need him most. When Calum started to push everyone away, Crevan simply found himself other friends to hang around.
The kind
Gracie
Gracie was introduced to Calum through Cave. She's incredibly kind and caring (though stubborn) and quickly became friends with Calum.
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