by Malleus » Mon Jan 30, 2017 11:10 am
Username: Squalo
Deerssert Name: Jamie
Diary Entry:
Ya know, I really don’t get why your supposed to start these things off with a ‘dear’. How can a book be dear? I’ll complain about this in every entry, I did swear ta do so on the first page! And I am VERY thorough!
So much so in fact that I’ve got this in the bag! What have I got? Well, dear, not a cat! Not cash either, no, no really I didn’t rob anything. I’m a simple man looking for simple thrills, not jail time ( phft like that’s believable! ). What I have all wrapped up tight with a little bow is opportunity. Yes, the opportunity to shoot my boring little life skyward! To do what man has been expected to do from the dawn of society! Get, breathe here as this might come as a shocker…. A job!
Jamie, you can never do such a thing! Jamie, no, ya can’t just give yourself out to the market like that! You’re a rare, talented man! You’re one of a kind! Ya can’t let the shackles of normalcy chain you up! I know, I know. My fans crying in the wind, don’t think this means I have abandoned ya! I’ll still have plenty of time to prowl through the darkest regions of the internet and brings some light and comedy to your drear little lives. As fear not, it’s, breath again ya wouldn’t want to choke on the excitement… A part-time job!
Now Jamie, you may be asking yourself ‘dear’ book of secrets, how can you know for sure that you will HAVE a job? Aren’t you celebrating and waving the flag of victory a little bit early? Please, like someone of my innate talents and wide skill set needs to worry about a simple thing like being chosen! I could have just handed them this resume… that Mako totally didn’t write for me because I didn’t know how… and been done with it all! All the things they needed were listed sharp and clear on that little piece of paper! Right there, look I’ll paste in in the diary! I’ll highlight them. Bold them! RAMPANT CAPITAL LETTERS! But alas, I guess they couldn’t read or something because they still asked me for a silly little ‘interview’. So, heh, I gave ‘um a show!
That’s right folks, a once in a lifetime chance, they got to see aaaaall my skills demonstrated first hand! I started with a bang, of course! BOMBS! Well, not really they wouldn’t actually let me go through with it. Did they not believe me? I learned from the internet! I know all the ins and outs of building these things! Have I tested them? Well, no. Not uh, successfully. But what a book doesn’t know won’t singe the pages. I’m a master of it! You should have seen their faces! So taken in when I jumped up onto that table and proclaimed my intentions to build the finest masterpiece of explosive potential! They looked shocked! Yes, shocked that such a simple man as I could do it! I don’t know why they talked me out of it so rapidly. What a bunch of buzzkills, but I guess people can only handle so much shock in one day, ain’t that right?
So after that, I decided well, I can certainly show them a few OTHER skills sets of mine! So I cracked my knuckles, waltzed myself over to their main computer, and hacked the system! All that practice of trying to get into secret government websites wasn’t for nothing! Of course, never actually succeeded in that, but I must have done a great job this time! I set off FOUR alarms! And once again, shock! Pure amazement at my talent! But no, I couldn’t leave the show at that, I mean what kinda guy would I be? SO I slipped outside with the alarms blaring my arrival and went to show off my wonderful powers of hijacking. Went for the nicest car there, okay I went for the one car that someone accidentally left unlocked but it was still a nice car! But sadly I got yanked out of it before I could pull off my grand finale. Think they thought I really WAS going to steal it but I promise, I learned from last time! I did, really, honestly! My fingers are NOT crossed and there is no way a book could know that anyways.
So after showing off my wide array of talents, the owner of the place told me to leave. Probably smart, gotta leave the guy some time to break it to all the other saps who applied that they won’t be getting the job. Eh? Relevant skills to the job? Did I show off those? Silly, silly ‘dear’! ALL my skills are completely relevant to ANY job! One of them should have been plenty, three I admit may have been a little overkill. But it was my first time applying for one of these things, and it’s only because Mako kept telling me I needed to ‘get out of the house and be a halfway decent member of society’. I don’t know why he wants me to downgrade myself, but all right, I will begrudgingly admit he’s usually right about anything. And everything. Usually.
Regardless I guess tomorrow I’ll be living it up in the job lane. Gotta throw on my best clothes, the stuff that I haven’t singed the crap out of while doing the good work at home. I guess the upside of this is the sweet, sweet cash. Never actually had an income, shocking as that might be. I usually just whine at Mako and he gives me a couple dollars. But I’ll be making WAY more than that! Wonder what I could buy? Ya know, I never really thought about it. I’ll write down a list of potential things tomorrow, but I’m already thinking big. I could buy a whole armory! Oh, oh, or a big screen T.V.! No, no even better! Order a pizza! Myself! Hah, wait till Mako sees this. He’ll get off my case finally!
I guess degrading myself to an average guy can’t be that bad. I’ll let ya know about my first day tomorrow. And all the spectacular things I do! Now it’s 9 PM and I should go to bed. Just to make sure I’m rested! I don’t usually sleep this early, no ‘dear’!
( There is a tiny note scribbled at the bottom of the diary, probably written the next morning )
What do they MEAN banned from the premise of every Mcdonalds in the country?
Last edited by
Malleus on Tue Jan 31, 2017 9:50 am, edited 2 times in total.
~Feb: 14 My B-day!~ 
