by Macyduke » Thu Sep 15, 2016 3:58 pm
Username;; Macyduke
Name;; Rubin Peringer (Pear-ing-jer)
Gender;; Male
What are they afraid of?;;
They're afraid of losing more viscets they love. Sure they're also afraid of disappointing those they respect, and making mistakes, but not as much as losing someone they love. This fear stems from their first loss, for him it was a dog named Penelope. He was young at the time, solitary, lonely, awkward, somewhat afraid of talking to others, and in a sense, sheltered. He'd been told animals are heart breaks waiting to happen by some of the viscets around him, but stopped off at the pound, and picked up what he later came to know was an old black lab, anyways. They didn't get along at first but after two weeks he couldn't bring himself to leave home without her. Through bringing Penelope, or Nelly as he called her, to the dog park and the beach Rubin met a group of people he connected to and got along with. His life was for a time pretty good- well it was actually pretty close to perfect. He had friends, an everyday routine, and someone he loved and who loved him back. Unfortunately life is a constant river of change. Most of which are small and go almost unnoticed, but some of which are inevitable and change the course of life. After Nelly vanished from Rubin's life he stopped leaving home, pushed his friends away, and stayed in bed for days. The only thing he found himself able to do when he found the strength to pull himself out of bed, was wander around the now seemly empty space his home occupied, wallowing in self loathing, sadness, and anger. Had it not been for the persistence of good friends and with a little more than decent amount of time; he might not have come as far back into the world as he did. Not to say he came very far in the minds of others, for some he seems to have moved backwards. From social, somewhat outgoing, overly attached to Nelly, and friendly; to being almost always somewhat negative, withdrawn, and above all tired. He might have let others back into his life, but only a small and select few. Those who urged him to move on and were irritated with his new behaviors quickly fell out of his circle. Not because their attitude towards him changed, but because his opinion of himself did. His self hate pushed him to be alone, to believe that everyone was better off without him, his subconscious need to protect himself from losing someone important to him only furthering his need to distance himself from those around him. He's terrified for those who insist on keeping him as a close friend, and desperately wants them to be both safe and happy, because his severe fear of losing others. 463/500
Extra;; More about him:
Rubin has never been one to make friends easy, or at least ones that lasted, he has always thought of himself as an outsider and because of this has always felt unloved and lonely. Nelly in a sense became a constant-a touch stone, that he found himself unable to live without. That being said, when Nelly died, Rubin endured a pain beyond what he could have ever imagined himself able to, and has since then suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder; a disorder that develops in some people who have experienced a shocking, scary, dangerous event, or in the lose of a loved one. It's been a few years since he was officially diagnosed, but only year since he decided to bring himself back into society. Which meant he'd need to reconnect with a few of the friends he'd pushed away after-well Nelly. It wasn't to hard to reconnect with some of them, and with others it didn't take much for him to want to be alone again. Despite this, he did his best and continues to push himself out of his comfort zone, and into situations that he used to avoid in fear of breaking down in tears. When it becomes to much for him, he separates himself from the situation to regain his composer. Regardless of his best efforts to busy himself with others and work, he still finds himself always tired, sleeping excessively, feeling disconnected from his emotions and body, feeling hopeless towards the future, and like no matter how much he gives, it'll never be enough. However whenever he feels exceptionally overwhelmed or like he's about to fall victim to being consumed by a massive amount of fear, guilt, or anger; he takes a moment to find himself and his center. 295/300
"There are two stars in the sky, and they're both planes."
Really though, just *Incoherent screaming*