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"...We need an introduction."
As a note, this form is generally told in the Gator Goblin's point of view.
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The name is...
Pimiento. Kind of a version of "pimienta", which is Spanish for "pepper". "Pimientos" is the plural form. One could speak of sugar, spice, and everything nice. ...You get where we're going, right? Y'know — sugary ice cream, spicy pepper... No? Fine.
Gender, please?
Isn't it obvious? Look at these eyebrows. These are a full grown MAN'S eyebrows. Pink? So what? Who cares about the color pink? It's the color of strawberries. Which are usually RED. Pink can be a MANLY color. It USED to be, at least. USED to.
Do you have an element?
That would be the water element. EVERYTHING is ironic. Pimientos, peppers? Some can bite like fire — and some personalities can, too. Yowza. Water? Sometimes cold, sometimes hot. Water puts out fire. I sense a LOT of that aforementioned irony here. My tail is kind of like water. No, liquid. Milk, flavoring, and the fact that you DON'T MAKE ICE CREAM OUT OF MILK. I'm not giving you taste-testing permissions.
Hold up! We aren't done! What's your favorite summer activity?
That, my friend, is a question that is too easy to answer.
In fact, this answer is not told in Pimiento's perspective, but rather in third-person.
We must catch a glimpse of the past to tell of the present. For years, as a young Gator, Pimiento had always loved going to summer carnivals and faires. But those can happen any time of year! ...Right? As correct as that fact is, the ones that opened under the July sun were always the biggest. They were the most impressive things to his eyes. Those held in the fall could be too cold; the ones in the winter almost always were. In the springtime, they were alright, but were still not as big, nor were they as fantastic, as their summer siblings were. Pimiento was always in rapsody as he approached their entrances, and then onwards to their bouncy houses, game boths, wild rides and delicious treats. Where else could you find deep-fried treasures you'd never tasted before? Jump about a balloon-like castle shaped like a dinosaur with a ton of strange kids that wasn't at some random birthday party that you were invited to?
But there was one attraction that Pimiento always went to see. Always. (Even if it meant sneaking away from your parents — why DID you always have to be right by their sides?) On the mighty outdoor stage, rows upon rows of plastic chairs would be lined up to see the show, and even if there were none available to sit upon, he would always be close by. He would watch, he would listen, and he would laugh. It was the performance of the vantrilloquists, no matter which one it was. One year it could be someone with great wit and charming manners as they breathed life into their puppet pals, the next year another with crude jokes told by a plastic monkey character. From young years to the teen ages, Pimi's heart was captured by their impressive puppetries. They were all so unique.
But as Pimiento started to grow up more and more, the vantrilloquists slowly stopped showing up to the summer festivals; By the time he was a young adult, they were just not signed up for any festivals. Not those in the autumn, or during the snowy seasons, or when the world bloomed to life during the spring. But whenever he looked at those carnivals' lists, even as a youngster, they'd never been in them included. That is why he preffered the summertime faires so greatly over the rest.
So he studied.
He remembered.
He practiced.
He watched some television shows starring them. He knew what he had to do.
And this is where we come back to the present day. Every summer, when all the major carnivals roll back into town with their souvenirs, petting zoos, food stands and more, Pimiento now puts on shows. Those shows are his own vantrilloquist acts; his pride. And he only does them under the beaming rays of the great blue skies of summer, just how he liked it.
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Please, tell us more.
We will now hand everything here on out to Pimiento again.
How would you describe yourself, sir?
Unique. Just like every color visible to the eye! I mean, how many people do you know who can pull off such incredible acts of puppetry? ...A few? Rats. Alright. Fine. I'm sure you could guess that I'm very proud of what I do. I AM great at it, after all. And I'll admit it now: I am not afraid to show how much I love myself. I'm great — no, I'm FANTASTIC. Heh. I guess you could call me some kind of narcissist. Go on. I don't mind. Really! Say it! ...I dare you to!
...I guess you won't, then, but please do excuse me; I haven't finished yet. I love to use irony and sarcasm. That's why everyone says I'm more spice than sugar. ...Or am I? I think it's true, personally. You've got to know that everyone has more personality than they have looks. That precious little baby? A devil in disguise. That big tough junkyard dog that everyone's scared of? It really just wants to cuddle. I'm the same way! Just because I look like a sweetie, doesn't mean I AM. But don't be scared, please! I'm not THAT rude. I mean, not unless I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, whichever that side is. I'm just... Not the softest, y'know? Being sarcastic is just the way to go. Especially in jokes—
JOKES! Oh! I can't forget that! I love jokes. It's a burning passion. A wisecrack here and a few more over there never hurt anybody, now, did it? I like to imagine myself as a VERY funny guy. And I know I am. You know how? By looking in the mirror, and reflect on my self-image daily. ...You saw what I did there, right? Mirror? Reflect? ...OLD JOKE? Whaddaya MEAN it's an "old joke"!?
For recaps, I'm a big goof. A real bonker of a boy. The best way to go about situations is to point out what's wrong with them and get all sarcastic about it, and always sense the irony in the environment. Be careful if I'm in a sour mood, but otherwise? Go on! Ask a wonderful Gator some questions! Compliment him on his beauty! And, most of of, Don't you DARE ask me about my flavor. If you thought meat in aspic from the 70's was bad, this is WORSE. (...Probably. I'm pretty sure I don't need to test how inedible I am.)
So, you're a vantrilloquist. Introduce us to your puppets!
...I prefer to call them my friends. Thanks.
I started my profession with this cat [puppet], Thomasson. He's a cool cat in more ways than one, and could really call him bold. He's just a fearless little gangster, see? He speaks the classic gangster jargon and everything. A real alley cat, yeah. He's not afraid to take risks. He's not afraid of taking you down in a rap fight. He ain't got time for explanations; with him, you gotta cut right to the chase. He'll spill the beans when trash is being talked. He doesn't care. It's HIS choice.
And then we have Beau. Good ol' Beau, who's both a dog and a zombie who generally hates how other zombies are represented in the media. Cars aren't his friend and he doesn't understand why some dogs like them. A fan works the same way as a window blowing your tongue around, right? He's the one who always talks about dark stuff. Creepy commercials, movies, shows, stories, you name it. He's the morbid one. Knows all about bones and muscles and systems and structures, often referencing them in his grim puns. He's the edgy one, the teenyboppers would say. And I agree with them for once! Isn't that a shock?
Third comes Mack. He's your generic rooster. VERY loud. KIND OF annoying. ALWAYS amusing. He reads the newspaper and believes in it. Watches the news, believes in that too. Fake news on the web? Yup, it's true to Mack as well. Everything that comes out of his beak is laughable. It's too good. He then goes on and tells EVERYONE what he knows, always denies being told he's wrong, almost like his word is the rule. There is no way to get him to change his mind about ANYTHING.
Finally, we have the little bunny rabbit. She goes by the name of Lollipop — and would you look at that! She quite lives up to her name. She's usually kind and very sweet. ...Unless she repeats something less than appropriate. Oops. That happens. This girl is NOT scared to voice her opinions when she's not in agreement. She usually agrees on, oh... Turning the world into Candyland. Sounds about right.
There! Four friends in all. Aren't they great?
What do you like?
Besides vantrilloquists and puppets, I presume...
First of all, deep-fried stuff. Good eats. Food you eat so warm it feels like your chest burns, too. The stuff that freezes and numbs your mouth is no good. Irony in motion for someone like me, isn't it? Yup. Gotta challenge your taste buds with that sweet, sweet sizzle.
The heat of the sun. It warms you up like a lizard on a rock or a bird that is spreading its wings to dry on a rock away from the water's reaches. Unless it gives you a sunburn, it's just so nice to be able to feel your fur get warmed by mother nature's microwave.
Everyone hates the rain — why is that? It makes the flowers bloom and it feels great when it falls upon your body. Gotta appreciate these showers that don't require the turning of a knob.
Rock and metal. Sorry about your ears in advance, but my eardrums should really be ear-guitars, but ear-drums work perfectly fine too, the louder being the better,. Sure you got that one, right? Right! These genres and their subgenres are just great, if you ask me. Music is SUPPOSED to be loud.
The color purple is fantastic. It's regal and makes you feel like a king. I mean, if you like the color purple too. Pink's too underrated and hated on, which is dissapointing, too.
Emojis are the perfect way to express your feelings.
Anything that you just can't stand?
Overly sweet things. Overly sweet things. Overly sweet things. OVERLY SWEET THINGS. KEEP THEM AWAY FROM ME. PLEASE.
Kids are not cute, nor are they fun. Many of them are screaming beasts that need to be tamed. The older ones are better. USUALLY. Not always. But please, PLEASE, keep any and all yelling, stomping, crazy little things away from me at all times.
People who don't laugh at my jokes. How am I not the funniest thing you've ever witnessed? How!?
Sticky stuff. Maple syrup, along with being way too sweet for my likings, is the worst offender of this. How can anybody keep this stuff down? It's like edible glue, and NOBODY likes eating glue!
Ice cream. Evil. Yeah, yeah. You're absolutely SHOCKED. None of the flavors are good. It's TOO cold. I don't like the cold, either. I'd rather live in the desert than the south pole.
...One more question before we go! What do you taste like? Neapolitan?
...Don't.
Wait, another! Do you own anything ice cream related?
Only my own body. I'd rather look like a nacho, with some extra zazz on too.
...Lied again. Are you magical like a unicorn?
...Not really. Being of the water element is different from unicorn magic.
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