❛ the lazy writers ❜

[Caeleesi]

Can I get thoughts on this? Not finished yet.

Sesshomaru noticed that the light streaming through the trees was beginning to redden, signifying that the day was drawing to a close. His golden gaze settled on the slumbering child next to him, a small smile gracing his lips. Extending a hand, he gently drew the back of his claws across her face before shaking her shoulder. "Rin, wake up. It is time to return to the village."

"Ok," the child muttered, rubbing her eyes sleepily. Feeling something wrap around her waist, she giggled and latched onto Sesshomaru's fur as he jumped skyward. An instant later they were on solid ground, a few villagers hastily backing away at the sight of the tall demon. Cheerfully waving as he disappeared, Rin followed Kaede to the hut they shared, unaware of the dangers lurking in the forest.

----------------

"Lord Sesshomaru! Please, help me!"

At Rin's strident scream, the demon quickly ran in the village's direction, smelling fire and a group of humans. The scene that greeted him as he exited the trees made a savage snarl rip from his chest, yoki spiking in his rage. Held in the grasp of a raggedly clothed man was the young child, her fists beating against his chest. A number of huts were ablaze, bathing the entire area in an eerie glow. Uttering a deafening roar that brought the remaining villagers into view, Sesshomaru pinned the human clutching Rin with a glare. "Let her go, now!"
[Maybe add something here before Rin speaks? It's somewhat confusing when it shifts from Sesshomaru to Rin to the Leader.]
"You killed my family! I recognize you thieves! My entire home was slaughtered because of you!"

"And what are you gonna do about it, runt?" the leader hissed, shifting his grip so he was holding her by the neck. Hand slowly moving toward his sword, his fingers had just clasped the hilt when a bolt of agony coursed up his arm, followed by the ting of metal hitting the ground. Blood dripping from the deep gash in his wrist, the human used Rin as a shield just before Sesshomaru charged. The ensuing impact was hard enough to send him several yards back, the child crying out as the unyielding spikes of the demon's armor pierced her skin. [I spell it armour so it makes me wanna correct it haha cx]

Flashing his fangs in a warning [a warning to what?], Sesshomaru approached Rin cautiously, nose wrinkling at the scent of fresh blood. Satisfied she would recover, he rounded on a nearby villager. "Get her to a safe distance." Watching him nod frantically and gather the whimpering child into his arms, the demon once again faced the group of thieves. "So, you are the vermin who destroyed that girl's attitude toward humans." His yoki flared around him, tendrils of pink energy licking against his skin as his features morphed. In merely a few seconds he towered above the village, acid frothing at his maw. Baying wildly, the demon proceeded to crush the scattering humans beneath his paws, sadistic pleasure gleaming in his crimson eyes. Aware that the last man was trying to flee for the trees, Sesshomaru surged toward him, reverting back to his human form before he slammed into the thief. Lowering his head, he whispered in his trapped victim's ear. "Demons need to eat, just like humans."

Rin looked up when a warbling scream rent the air, her gaze drawn to where Sesshomaru was bent over a weakly struggling man. When he jerked his head harshly to the side, she was unable to glance away as the demon swallowed something, though she was smart enough to hazard a guess. It suddenly dawned on the child that, during her time traveling with him, he could have turned on her. Hearing the villager beside her inhale sharply, Rin saw that he was approaching, silver hair stained red. Before her[he ;^)] could kneel in front of her, the child jumped to her feet with her hands held up to ward him off. "Just leave me alone!"

"Rin! Come back, it is not safe in the woods!"

You wanted critique gg.
I'm not the best at it but shrug here lmao.

If there are any mistakes I'll use red to point them out, and possibly write alternative sentences below[which will be marked with red stars in the original]


I like it. The layout of the story is going well so far.
I like how you gave Sesshomaru more of a caring personality towards Rin, and a savage one towards those who dared to test his patience by attacking her.
All in all, though, I think it's a very well written story- though I'm not a professional writer so i certainly can't give a professional answer ;p

I actually meant to post my thoughts on it yesterday, but then I became a lil cramped on commissions, so I had to get started on those. You reminded me though haha.

Inuyasha was actually hte first anime I watched. It will forever hold a place in my heart.
Also, Inuyasha and Koga? Best. Fights. Ever.

[Silver Pandorica]

Alright guys. First thing I did when I woke up this morning was force myself to type Chapter Three up. Jason will live on!

http://writersunite.freeforums.org/post ... tml#p14820

[Caeleesi]

Alright guys. First thing I did when I woke up this morning was force myself to type Chapter Three up. Jason will live on!

http://writersunite.freeforums.org/post ... tml#p14820

Looking good so far ouo
Don't force yourself too hard tho b/c then the story will convey that cx

sneakily mentions i'm hosting a join.me for peeps who wanna watch me do art.
xx

[Silver Pandorica]

Sneaky sneakster!
Thanks :3 I already had three written down, but it was on paper. So I had to type it and post it.

[Megaguirus]

Happy birthday Ranger!

Oh oh oh my lazy peeps! I have an idea and I'd like some opinions on it! So for my book, the one that Chronicles of Death is set before, I'm having trouble with finding a villain/antagonist/whatever.
So I was thinking (aka watching movies and reading stuff) and I was like, how about a fallen angel? He would be this like fabulous blonde guy named Magnus with these huge wings. But like I don't know, maybe he could be one of those who doesn't want to be evil, but is just kinda twisted in his beliefs? Thoughts?

OMG THAT'S AWESOME, DO IT!!!! No, make him super evil hehehehehe

don't you say that about everything? XD jk
I am. Bored and tired, so what am I doing? Scribbling notes about this stupid idiot I mean, fabulous Magnus...

That sounds like a cool idea! Maybe his "twisted beliefs" could be some type of corruption he's dealing with after falling? Angels are untouched by the corruption of the world, but when they fall, they can easier succumb to it. In fact, realistically (for a Christian, at least) that's how demons were born. That's why they are sometimes called "Satan's Angels", because demons were angels who fell.

Just some thoughts thrown at you, there, don't have to use them. I'm just fascinated about angels and demons, and actually wrote a short story on it, which I'm slowly working on a sequel for. Once I read up more on angels and demons, of course.

[Ranger of the North]

whispers happy bday Ranger B)

Happy birthday Ranger!

Thanks!! ^^

Alright guys. First thing I did when I woke up this morning was force myself to type Chapter Three up. Jason will live on!

http://writersunite.freeforums.org/post ... tml#p14820

*gasp*
*rushes away to read*
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
*races back*
I LOVE IT HOW CAN [spoiler removed] BE [spoiler removed] HOW IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE??!!
POOR [spoiler removed], THOUGH

Can anyone critique the piece I posted last page?

This isn't really critique, but I know I enjoyed it!!
A lot!

[ArtsheepNZ]

*Crawls out of grave*

hello i return
i died

Anywayyyyy, I've been working some more on my story Because Scipai is threatening and bargaining with me
When I've finished off this little bit, I might post it somewhere for you guys to nitpick, tbh the first bit has already been pulled apart by my editor
but-
hhhehh, would any of you be //slightly// interested?

[Woogwoo Wren]

*Throws hand into the air.*
*Jumps up and down*
MEMEMEMEMMEMEMEMEMMEMEMEMEMEMEMEM!!!!!!!!!
I WANNA SEE!!!

Erm.. *cough,* Yes, I would like to see that. heh

[Krenko]

*Crawls out of grave*

hello i return
i died

Anywayyyyy, I've been working some more on my story Because Scipai is threatening and bargaining with me
When I've finished off this little bit, I might post it somewhere for you guys to nitpick, tbh the first bit has already been pulled apart by my editor
but-
hhhehh, would any of you be //slightly// interested?

I.WANT.TO.READ.IT. LEEEEEEEET USSSSSSSS REAAAAAAAAAAAAAD IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT

or else *grabs carrot*

Oh, and welcome back from the grave! Did you meet Liliana or Gisa? *stifles laugh*

[Ranger of the North]

*Crawls out of grave*

hello i return
i died

Anywayyyyy, I've been working some more on my story Because Scipai is threatening and bargaining with me
When I've finished off this little bit, I might post it somewhere for you guys to nitpick, tbh the first bit has already been pulled apart by my editor
but-
hhhehh, would any of you be //slightly// interested?

HHEECCKK YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!

So
what's it like being dead and coming to life?
As far as I know, I'm still dead...
Or did I respawn again, Wren, cos I can't remember?