by 0000007 » Wed Jan 27, 2016 12:34 pm
this is a dumb rant but I need to post it or I'll get a migraine again sorry can't continue like this. I can't. I don't even have real problems I think but I'm just tired of living. what will tomorrow be like? I don't really care. wake up early, get anxiety over the homework I want to do but can't force myself to, have my stomach growl all through class, sit and stare at a computer screen, watch myself in front of the class be like a fool, go home, rant about it, try to eat, try to sleep, think really hard about doing homework and get pumped, take out homework and feel sick, cry, pout, overreact about my dumb problems, watch my disrespectful brothers all night, feel either really bad or violent about the insults they yell at me, get anxiety trying to cook, can't get anyone to eat or sleep, declare my done-ness with the day but try to get them asleep anyways, go to sleep at too late of a time, wake up knowing I didn't do any work. think if homework. think if school. think if how lazy I am. think if when I can get to sleep but never do. or sometimes come straight home and sleep all day and get yelled at. there's nothing really fun anymore, so why do I care? school is unneeded, work is unneeded. most things humans do are unseeded. I can't stop thinking about how much grades matter and how I'm not passing even though I understand practically everything fine. and most of it I won't use again. grades grades grades grades grades grades grades that's all there is nothing ealse I'm just a big fat F trying to pretend to be an A just wait until my mom sees my grades. until I have to redo school because of my grades. the word 'grades' makes me space off. I can't do this, I can't. I feel like crying. I hate this. I hate complaining about practically nothing. its my fault but I feel like there's more to it. and sometimes I don't feel anything or really care but sometimes I just get sad and I really wish I could sleep forever because I can never have my ideal lifestyle and I don't see myself with a future, because I'll keep on being held back and stuck in school forever with all these little immature kids and gross gross gross gross I want help I want out of here I want to go home but I don't know where home is