by unpredictable » Fri Jan 08, 2016 5:31 am
IMPORTANT
My fiance broke up with me. The other one if you've been following any of my truly horrible life.
My mom won't pay for me to go back to college and I don't have the money to myself.
Basically, I have nothing and no one left worth remaining on this planet for, and that is very, very dangerous.
I've been battling with severe depression for about a year now and I'm very scared that if I don't get help that I'll start looking for... a way out.
I have a doctor's appointment today. I'm going to push really hard for him to send me somewhere where I can be monitored and learn to cope with my stress. I always shyed away from such extreme measures, but now I kind of really think it might be the only thing that will save my life.
I have no idea how stuff like that works or how long they'll want to keep me or if I'll have internet access at all or how soon I can get into it. I truly don't know when, or if, I'll be back.
I'll update this once I have more information.
Update: I guess my doctor doesn't think I'm as bad as I think. Apparently they only admit people to places like that if they have psychosis or actually think suicide is a good option instead of just being afraid it might happen due to how depressed they are.
He did put me on medication, but it's one of those ones where you have to take it for a few weeks before you start seeing the benefit. He also referred me to a mental health professional who's going to call me within the next little while and figure out which mental health classes I should take.
I'm glad that something's being done... but I really hoped it could be a bit more immediate, these first few days and weeks are likely going to be the worst.
Rather than distracting myself on my computer all shut up in my room though, I'm going to try spending more time with my parents (I live with them still) and getting out and stuff, so I'll likely be less active here.
As for my fiance... He told me today that it's more of a break than anything. I've been in a bad state of mind for going on a year now and he's tried to help me as best he can, but that kind of thing can really wear on a person. He just wants some time to focus on his friends and his new college semester and then he wants to try again.
All that being said, I am notoriously unpredictable when it comes to how I feel on a day to day basis when something like this happens. Generally the first few days to a week are the worst, but I can't promise what I'll feel up to on any given day.
I'm really sorry, but thank you for understanding. My general feelings right now is that I'll likely work pretty decently at the orders, but the update posts are going to be lackluster. I'm not sure if you guys would rather I just reuse designs on different types to make sure they get out on time, or if you'd rather wait a few weeks for a big update post that has new premade designs.
