by portal2lbp2 » Wed Jun 17, 2015 9:15 pm
After that little event outside, Zeph was abit riled.
He felt ashamed for being so rude.
He, like Ferondir, never even gave his arm any attention, he was perfectly capable without it.
Plus his hook was kinda cool.
Zeph went down the nearest hallway, to what he observed was the emptiest section of the boat, and swerved right, into the nearest supply closet.
He shut and locked the door behind him.
He was really freaked.
He had already mostly known that Ferondir knew. But he never thought that he consciously payed attention to the bruises.
He put his back on the door, and slid down it until he was sitting on the ground.
Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. crap. CRAP!!
He said, running his hand through his hair, pushing it back and out of his face.
UGH! He exclaimed.
Why- Do- I- Do- This- To- My- Self he slurred angrily.
He bashed his hand into the nearest shelf several times. He didn't really care how much it hurt.
To be truthful, he wasn't even sure what he was furious about
Lying to Ferondir?
Ferondir knowing?
The pain that his scars were causing him right now?
How much of a Jerk he was being?
untapped potential?
the fact that he may of ruined his best friendship?
All of the above? Check.
He rubbed his hand through his hair once more, causing it to be even more squalid and messy than it was.
He was to furious at everything to even think about magic right now.
He sat in that hot, wet, dirty closet for a very long time, he didnt keep track.
He never wanted to leave, he never wanted to see anyone, he never wanted to see him again.
Ive used up all my chances this time.
Im such a freaking Idiot! He yelled, hitting the heavily beaten shelf once more.
After what he presumed was about a hour or so, he was to exhausted to continue bashing everything around him and letting out his anger, and he'd used most of the average persons vocabulary in horrible thoughts about himself.
He cant really pinpoint when, but at some point he started bawling.
He was going to be better.
He had to be.
He was already trying, and to be honest today was already a pretty good day.
He just wanted things to be better.
He just wanted his best friend back. He wanted to tell him.
He would know how to help Zeph... He always did. He was always good at fixing Zephs problems.
But he couldn't. Not ever.
He knew how forgiving Ferondir was, all the times he'd forgiven his screw ups before.
But how could he expect Ferondir to forgive him if he couldn't even stand the thought of actually continuing on with living, right now.
Okay. Enough. He mumbled dryly.
He stood up wiping the tears and sweat from his face, but not bothering to realize that his eyes were still puffy from crying.
He headed to the bedroom that was assigned to him and ferondir. It was a small room, meaning the beds were very close together.
He opened the door, being careful not to let any light into the room, and trying as hard as he could to not wake Ferondir, who was, from what he knew, asleep in the bed.
They were already set sail, he saw Jakub up by the steering wheel, they must be on their way to the mansion.
He rubbed his hands through his mess of hair once more, before he took off his cloak, and got into his bed.
I-Im sorry. I don't expect you to forgive me. And I don't know how to do this when you're awake, I dont think I can. This was always your thing. I always try to seem like I know what im doing...how to solve any problem...how to deal with any situation with magic. But the truth is, while I am good at my magic, Its just...a...A barrier. So I dont have to deal with my real feelings. But when Im with you...I can just... Embrace them... you always knew what to do. You have always been my anchor... the magnetic field to my compass. You always knew how to fix my problems... Please...help me. He whispered, before falling asleep with even more tears on his face now.
He assumed Ferondir was asleep too.
But to be safe, he tucked his bruised hand under his blanket, to keep it out of site.
Things would get better, he knew they would.
Because they have no where else to but better.
He has just about hit rock bottom.