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by Phoenix's Rebirth » Fri Dec 03, 2010 10:29 am
Coali wrote:I'd like some critique!
Username: Coali
Number of character you're applying for: F28 and P10
Link to form: Here
Would you like critique through PM, or another way?: PM Please
My form for Nariko isn't finished yet,but it is 'finished' for Tokime(Until you crit it)
critmehplz
Has someone already done Coali's forms? I may have some time to do them, but I still have work to finish, and I also have to look at Azora's and Jayfur's after they edit their own forms.
Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.
-Matthew 5: 4
I never blamed you . . . not once.
-Aerith
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by corgie » Fri Dec 03, 2010 10:31 am
I am looking to adopt...

This is the story of GasMask.... he will tell it himself on how h e got his mask, scars and torn ear. Even when he lost his leg, and how it came to be..
Kennel number: P55
Name: GasMask
Breed: Mutt; Fur Color changed will he spent time in a lab; German Shepherd mix~
-----
Why do you want this animal and what will you do for it?:
----
Personality: Very cold and dark; many thing something happened to him while he was in the lab and city that clouded his mind making him very cruel and cold. Though he can be very sweet, and kind at times. He is very loyal and strong-willed mostly taking a solo role staying away from other dogs, strays and humans. He is torn he lost his loyal mate, to a burning fire and something in his heart burned with her as her broke free. He now ignore's love and kindness but wants it back, he wants his real life back.
Likes: Darkness, Dirt , Food, Trash Cans, Other lone Strays, Warmth , Love
Dislikes: Humans, Packs, Scars, Fire, Labs, Smoke, Light
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History/Background: The smell of burning wood and smoke filled the air, yelps and barks came from the other room. GasMask instantly woke up, his mate still softly sleeping next to him. Embers fell on his nose sending a sharp pain on his snout. With a yelp he nudged his mate to get up. She didn't, his eyes filled with tears and he grabbed her by the scruff, throwing her on his back he yelped and barked for a way out. Water came spraying through the window, GasMask ran his paws burning and his fur sizzled, he ran over to a staircase where fresh-air come out of the door. Without a warning the wood fell underneath him, he blacked out and felt his face burn. Burning wood lay onto of him, his mate lay motionless under a small pile of wet wood she gave a last breathe. GasMask woke up being carried by a human, his ribs shown his face hurt and blood filled his eyes, with wet tears. The smell of sweat, water, smoke, blood and death filled the air as cool water was poured on his fur. Before he knew it he was back with the humans on a cold table with a chemical smell and needles pushing in his skin. A GasMask covered his burned face, a cross-bone tattoo was on his other leg and one of his legs was missing. GasMask wimpered and howled ''Where is my mate?'' he thought to himself before trying to escape. His attempt failed, the people in there picked him up and put him in a test kennel. He was wearing a gasmask, quickly he tried to ripe it off but it didn't come off.
Art: -wip-
Other: He is unable to breathe in citys from the oxygen with smoke and other dangerous things that will kill him within 2 minutes without his Gas-Mask on. From when his fur color was changed in a lab and something also happened to him in there, he can now only live in forests with little cars and large buildings pouring out smoke, and deadly waste into small streams.
Major WIP May not finish in time though ^^;
Will ask for a crit soon though ^^~
Last edited by
corgie on Sun Dec 05, 2010 3:49 am, edited 2 times in total.
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corgie
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by iBrevity » Fri Dec 03, 2010 10:34 am
phoenix_wing_1 wrote:Coali wrote:I'd like some critique!
Username: Coali
Number of character you're applying for: F28 and P10
Link to form: Here
Would you like critique through PM, or another way?: PM Please
My form for Nariko isn't finished yet,but it is 'finished' for Tokime(Until you crit it)
critmehplz
Has someone already done Coali's forms? I may have some time to do them, but I still have work to finish, and I also have to look at Azora's and Jayfur's after they edit their own forms.
As far as I know, nobody has critiqued it. c: However, I don't want you to take on too much so if you can't get to it just let me know and I'll do it when I get back on later. x3
[
art by Baylin]
brev [she/her]
tired librarian
feral bird lover
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by berdsbrother » Fri Dec 03, 2010 10:52 am
I am looking to adopt...

Kennel number:
Name:
Nicknames:
Breed:
Accessories not in original image:
I would like to give her the same small "mohawk" that the Hairy-fronted muntjac has.
Why do you want this animal and what will you do for it?:
Well, I wanted, so very badly to go for this one, but I felt that I wasn't ready for her. But now I realize that she could potentially be my most heart-warming/breaking story yet. So for bringing me out of my writer's block, I will always love her. I will order art of her, maybe attempt to make art of her (can't draw equines), and always give her a spot in my always growing character thread. If you send her to me, she'll be the happiest deer in CS.
Personality:
||Happiness||
Nali always tries to see the happiness of a situation, even in the worst of times.
||Fierce||
Nali can be as fierce as a tiger; and she'll defend her friends in a heartbeat.
||Courageous||
Her courage is greater than most, and she'll always be humble about it.
||Love||
She loves her friends, and her heart outweighs her brain, even when it risks her life.
||Shy||
Nali is very shy around humans and strangers, since her mother was killed by the dog of a human.
||Defensive||
Nali is very, very defensive of her friends and family. If you put up a tussle, prepare to receive death by hooves.
||Nervous||
Nali hates public speaking, and she gets nervous when she feels that she isn't accepted.
||Intelligent||
Nali was labeled as different, from her first words and steps. Just because she understood things and learned faster.
Likes:
Friends
The cave drawing of her mother
Her bracelets
Sandy beaches
Mice
Her secret crystal cave
Dislikes:
Humans
Unfriendly dogs
Sour grasses
Spiders
Thieves
Pollution
Death
Fights
History/Background:
First Year
1 year old
"I, O'gina'li of the Genbak Tribe, would like to propose an idea." I rose from my spot and shook off any unsightly dust. My knees wobbled and my heart was up my throat. "I, I would just like to say, say, that the foragers should exchange shifts, work times, so they don't get tired." I scanned the faces of each member, each assuring and hopeful, but my heart ultimately sank when I heard the heavy sigh come from the back of the room. "Nali, please sit down. We've already discussed this, the foragers must work heavy hours because they refused to do other work." Zefon, our head deer, was still laying down, reading from the list of things he must talk about. "But, the other jobs are as strenuous, and much more dangerous, so it is only natural they chose the easiest job.", I replied matter-of-factly. Zefon rose, "Nali, our groups are diminishing, the humans are coming closer. If we don't eat, we'll become weak, and they will come for us." I was expecting the refusal, but I couldn't accept the obvious reply. His arrogant self only worried about himself, not the whole tribe. I was upset, but I must stay calm, or he'll dismiss me from the meeting and I'll go home empty handed. I whinnied softly, "Excuse me Zefon, but I think we all realize that the humans are coming, we don't need for you to tell me what's right in front of me." A few members chuckled, and flicked their tails. Zefon flicked his ear in annoyance, and clenched his teeth. I started panting. "Well, my mother, who is going to have a fawn in 2 weeks, and I think that all this activity is putting unnecessary stress on her.", I stated nervously. Zefon, walked over to me with his eyes angrily squinted, "Well then why don't you go out there and help her?" He then kicked a puff of dirt into my pouting face. I spat at his feet, glanced at each of the other members, and trotted home.
Tears streamed down my face, and flew out behind me. I sped past the resting foragers, mothers, and new fawns; each had a slightly disturbed look on their face as I ran by. I slowed to a canter as I neared my leaf-sand den. I called out, "Mother, are you home?, with no answer. Just as I was about to say another word, I see my mother's face pop outside. "Hello there sweetheart, how was your visit to the committee meeting?" I grumbled a bit and slowly crawled into the cave. My mother shrugged and nudged my flank as I entered our simple hut. It was normal, had a teapot steaming on the fire, a table, buckets of grain and water, a few tree stumps that acted as clutter-filled counters, and 2 tall beds of wheat and grass. I slumped onto my bed and sighed, "It went... terrible. I got aggrivated at Zefon, the committee laughed at me, and in the end, I got dirt in my face." My mother was obviously rushing and nearly replied, "Well, I have to work another..." She took a glance outside our tent at the sundial posted in the middle of the common area "6 hours. Afterwards I must visit the doctor, she's going to change my diet today." And with that, she flew outside.
Art:
Other:
VERY LARGE WIP :P
Last edited by
berdsbrother on Thu Dec 09, 2010 2:01 pm, edited 5 times in total.
I have given my moon dog to my sister soy; since I am abandoning CS for a long while. I hope she can take care of it the way I did, and I bid a farewell to all of my friends here. I may come back every now and then, but for now; I am gone. I will miss you Hiccup, Serreth, Raven, Sandwitch, and Foreign Potato. You guys were true my greatest socially awkward friends a guy like me could ever ask for.
Thank you Serreth for my avatar everything :)
I'm a guy. Hopefully that's not surprising :P
My Scalesona|My Pets|Trade with me
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by winter. » Fri Dec 03, 2010 11:58 am
I'd like some critique!
Username: Luminance
Number of character you're applying for: P55
Link to form: pg. 21
Would you like critique through PM, or another way?: Pm is great, thanks.
critmehplz
whose woods these are I think I know
his house is in the village though
he will not see me stopping here
to watch his woods fill up with snow
the woods are lovely, dark and deep
but I have promises to keep
and miles to go before I sleep
and miles to go before I sleepc h a r a c t e r s
i'm a lonely teenager who spends all her time on the internet
but you can just call me winter
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