by kayynine » Wed Dec 24, 2014 5:00 pm
I don't even know what to do anymore.
I have a huge crush on this guy at my school, but there's so many reasons I can't ask him out, even if I wanted to.
I've known him since middle school and have had a crush on him since.
We had a class together last year, but this year we... had none.
Even then, we'd pass each-other between classes and he'd occasionally glance at me or completely stop speaking at his friends and start staring. I can only assume that he was being playful, and nothing more.
We only spoke twice that year, because I was shy AND because it wasn't 'right' for our cliques to mix. Some did, just because they were what I'd like to call 'Superior' to everyone else in the group. A lot of girls in that group had a crush on him as well, but it didn't seem like he paid them any attention.
Once, he did that thing where we backed into a corner and he put one arm against the wall so he was leaning over me, but he only asked if I liked a certain type of music. I gave him an answer, and he nodded, said that he liked the band as well, and walked off.
Recently, school has been a huge stress for me so I've been trying to forget about him. And then, boom. I'm in Independent Studies. I didn't even get to say goodbye, even though it was my choice and I knew that it was my last day. So now the only way I can even 'speak' to him is through friends, and I never see them. He's on my mind all day, and I just can't help it. I feel so lost, and somewhat depressed because of my own acts. I knew I couldn't be with him anyway because he was the type to ask someone out even when he was still in a relationship, and I knew he had several girl's phone numbers.. Only 2 of my closest friends know that I have a crush on him, but I haven't spoken to either of them since I left. He's the type that your parents wouldn't want you to be with. I guess you can say he's a 'bad boy' but I can't help it. Gah... What do I do? I've debated going back but I know that I'll just end up back where I am, ignored and depressed. Not only by him, but by my 'friends' too. Life is so confusing...
ause you're a sky full of stars
and I want to die in your arms
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the more it gets DARK!
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