Smolder wrote:*smacks head into wall*
I need to stop with these tiny crushes
seriously
because I am taking a slight liking to a boy in my school, he's in my drivers ed class and two grades below me (though only one year younger since I'm young for my grade)
I mean, he's really nice, I know he's single, we talk frequently, and it's honestly hard not to like him even a tiny bit because he's hilarious and doesn't mind my constant rambling. He also plays along with my shenanigans and that is some serious fun when people do that
Ramble over, but I needed to get that out, despite how ridiculous I probably look
are you sure to lable them crush and not "kinship bond"? but if there are romantic implications of "wow, this is what those characters in tv show and fairy tails feel when they get the giddy tingle in the chest and head, where it swims, dazzles and clouds the mind"
my school and social life never looked anything like yourses. i feel like I am "bad special", like the muck monster in the swamp that never knows what humans are.
and it would be hard to turn my life around and force things. like go to a university where i sleep away and try to act like I am fresh out of highschool, or get an office job and force myself into office romances, or what ever people that work a lot with people.
or take up suggestions of constant volentar work, but only for me to use it as hunting grounds, so i can get a crush and hope I do and be able to have joy and romantic love, and not just "Oh yay cool, new shiny wow" and get bord with a person, and wonder how much is a personality flaw of immaturity or my brain being broken.
when i read other peoples lives and experances, it feels so much still, always like from a tv show. where I look out in dead confused eyes, with a muddled brain, "oh huh, that is weird". there is no need for me to watch "teen sitcom, middle school drama" tv shows at my age (unless I was going to make that movie about the Time travling kid who goes to the Flintstones-esque school for what ever reason, although I did like the one with the superheros)
then and now. I can't feel. and it hurts with so much rage and confusing. that I cannot feel. just i tell myself this will make me happy, and cure some of my ills. that sometimes princesses in towers, imprissioned by evil dragons are them selvses
do any of you here ever think of forcing your self into situation? that is not what one in the schools do, a "OH well Todd sounds nice, I think I will just ask him out, i hear he is very kind and I want to date someone so I will approch him" and never "Todd is so cute, how do i confess my feelings?"
what and how many times to the younger ones date or have crushes on "unattractive" people? like if someone is 13 and they have a crush on someone that looks like Chris Griffin from Family guy or has a deformed head, and maybe they have a sweating disorder and have an oder and are missing a hand.
or someone like that, and they don't like their face but they are "I have such a huge crush on you, please go out with me" and they are a stranger to you. and how many would say "sure, let's see if this works, you are a total stranger to me, but love is about getting to know eachother"
sometimes I don't think people of some ages would. and I hope they do. nothing angers me more than "you should never persue someone because they are attrative, or never reject someone because you don't find them pretty", but then all their crushes are pretty people, or they date the good looking. it's kind of like "why did you not just go find the most weird looking person and ask them out, no? no, you fancied someone you thought looked good, and was convenient an attractive person....why didn't you go to the unfavorable?"
such a petpeeve.