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by keydemon » Mon Sep 20, 2010 9:44 am
мєяяуєαѕтєя wrote:Thank you Nin <3
Im slowly adding things in, and yes, she was taken the the pound after her mother died. :3
I was just suggesting you add that into the story to prevent confusion. ^^
-Is critiquing forms to procrastinate homework.-
Bring it on! xD
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by Solanum » Mon Sep 20, 2010 10:10 am
Awww. Very cute Jayfur.
She/He looks like a nice character to draw. Simple but adorable. <3
I will be here
when you think you’re all alone
Seeping through the cracks
I’m the poison in your bones
My love is your disease
I won't let it set you free
Til I break you
You’ll never know what hit you
Won’t see me closing in
I’m gonna make you suffer
This hell you put me in
I’m underneath your skin
The devil within
You’ll never know what hit you
I tried to be the lover to your nightmare
Look what you made of me
Now I’m a heavy burden that you can’t bear
Look what you made of me
Look what you made of me
I’ll make you see
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by Ebonpyre » Mon Sep 20, 2010 10:40 am
Hey, Ninjustu, while I agree with most of your critique, just saying that "I sighed" isn't a fragment
. It has a subject and a predicate, so it's a full idea. There are some very pretty donations this round, though I'm not going to try for any. If anyone needs any critique, though, shoot me a PM. I'd be happy to help.
"I just know when my partner's in trouble."
ebonpyre @ toyhouse
#40180 @ flight rising
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