*critique me* (you post, I critique)

[Cadin Araceli]

Pull the Trigger
It's an interesting poem. I hope I'm not wrong on this, but having a response in the parenthesis is really powerful!
I would suggest shaping it up some so there are stanzas, just so it isn't one huge block, and having the responses come in a pattern (at the end of every stanza, every two lines, ect.) There is one time you have the response just repeat a word twice. It wasn't as powerful. It made it seem less like you were giving us the other-side, it just took me out of the flow of the poem in all honesty. Beyond that, really powerful piece with a good flow already! Keep it up!

[Cadin Araceli]

Transforming Love
First off, this seems kind of like a spin off of soul eater to me which is cool. I like it. The story is moving a bit fast though, you have basically already told us they really like each other, not even hints like full blown *BOOM*, along with the fight and the headmaster thing. I would suggest later going back and editing it so that you have like 2-3 chapters showing their relationship before, how they get along with other people, things like that so we get an idea of the characters and their relationship on a normal basis, and get to see how it changes because of the drastic events that take places. If you move it too fast, you run out of plot before you feel like it's reached a good length and end up throwing filler in at the end.
There were one or two spots where you kind of reiterate yourself, so do a quick read through and fix those up. It's nothing major, but always good to get those little things.
Over all, I really love what you are doing with the characters and I hope to see what you do when you continue on with it!

[c a l a m i t y]

~Howl on the wind~
Please give a critique!<3
Thanks!

[a sky full of stars]

Silence
I lay in silence,
The final note ever to ring in my ears,
Stung,
The words sharper than a knife.

It was gone,
You were gone,
All was gone,
Forever.

As I lay in submission,
Your stare bright and blue,
Burned in my vision.
Like the sky reflected on the surface of water,
The delicate surface lay unbroken,
As slowly amongst the ripples and swirls,
You would lose yourself,
In the small speck you were upon the Earth.

You held me close,
And unlocked my heart,
The flowers blooming upon my chest,
Of the secret garden you found there.

Those tears that ran rivers,
Twisted around your fingers,
And you showed me in their reflection,
Beauty,
Which told me,
I,
We,
Were okay.

But that bittersweet note,
Still rings in my ears.
An echoing pain,
In the form of sound.

The flowers that beamed, now wept,
My tears no longer reflected the face of innocent beauty,
And as the thorns of the roses clutched my heart,
I gasped the shallow breath sharp like ice.

I listened,
To the sound of my heartbeat fading,
And then,
There was silence.

Wondering if you could critique this?
Still a massive work in progress (this is only my draft)

[MalcolmOmnishambles]

Hello! I would love it if you would check out my Sherlock story, Pursuit of the Key Holders I have like three more chapters on my computer that I'm editing right know so more will be up soon.

[Cadin Araceli]

Insomnia (comic)
First off, this is a very original concept, and that makes it very refreshing. I love what you are doing with the narration and the collection of pages, it gives it a series of unfortunate events feel. I would consider this less of a comic and more just a book with pictures though, considering most comics have much more pictures and less words. But that is a mute point.
Though the vague-ness of it keeps me very interested (and I will read more as it come out if you do tell me when you post more), I feel the need for a little more information on the world now. If not from the pieces, then from the narration. Not all at once, but little bits and pieces. And a little more about the people themselves as it goes on. I suggest also maybe finding pieces that are more flashbacks, so it isn't all sequencial.
I don't recall finding any spelling or grammar errors, and all the paragraphs were a good length and have very natural breaks. A wonderful piece and a good read!
Keep up the good work!

[Cadin Araceli]

~A howl on the Wind~
There seems to be a base for the chapters, like a short summary of what happens. But that's it. The chapters are more like paragraphs and there is no really plot, just a string of events. I would suggest going back and expanding on whats happening. Give more detail, give more action, give well...more. If you could expand each chapter to say...5-6 paragraphs (or more), you would have a much fully and much more capturing story. The reader wants to see the struggle and the change from human to wolf and what happens with the rest of the family. Give more to her turning. Give more to her becoming leader. Give more to her past and her pups. And the battle, and hunting the first time, and everything. This gives you the plot. This give you the character development and a full story. It also seems incomplete, and this might be because everything it so short, but it could also be because there is no story arc. There is no conflict-resolution. If you go back and add more, be sure that you include and center the story around one conflict and moving to the resolution. That could be anything from her battling to maintain leadership, or the other wolf packs, or trying to get back to human, or what ever else you can think of. That is up to you. Just make it strong and constant. You wouldn't have to change any of the events, just have to eventually tie it into either the character development that relates to the conflict, or the conflict itself.
I also suggest you look back and read over to fix up the grammatical errors.
Overall, you have a base for a strong, interesting, and compelling story. But just a base. You need more. And I think you can write it out. I'm excited to see what you do with it.

[Cadin Araceli]

42.'s poem
It starts and ends really strong, with a lot of focus on the main theme of it. But in the middle, you seem to get lost between stanza's, and I am unable to follow anymore. There is strong writing in the stanza's, very poetic and strong, but it's hard to derive meaning from it when they don't all tie together. I suggest re-reading the poem, and editing it up so your focus is more clear to the reader.
Beyond that, the stanza size, and all grammatical things are spot on! I can't wait to see what you do with the final draft!

[c a l a m i t y]

~A howl on the Wind~
There seems to be a base for the chapters, like a short summary of what happens. But that's it. The chapters are more like paragraphs and there is no really plot, just a string of events. I would suggest going back and expanding on whats happening. Give more detail, give more action, give well...more. If you could expand each chapter to say...5-6 paragraphs (or more), you would have a much fully and much more capturing story. The reader wants to see the struggle and the change from human to wolf and what happens with the rest of the family. Give more to her turning. Give more to her becoming leader. Give more to her past and her pups. And the battle, and hunting the first time, and everything. This gives you the plot. This give you the character development and a full story. It also seems incomplete, and this might be because everything it so short, but it could also be because there is no story arc. There is no conflict-resolution. If you go back and add more, be sure that you include and center the story around one conflict and moving to the resolution. That could be anything from her battling to maintain leadership, or the other wolf packs, or trying to get back to human, or what ever else you can think of. That is up to you. Just make it strong and constant. You wouldn't have to change any of the events, just have to eventually tie it into either the character development that relates to the conflict, or the conflict itself.
I also suggest you look back and read over to fix up the grammatical errors.
Overall, you have a base for a strong, interesting, and compelling story. But just a base. You need more. And I think you can write it out. I'm excited to see what you do with it.

Thanks for the critique!Working on more now.Once finished I will happily give you the link again.Or you could watch it grow like a...whatever grows...Keep watching it...It will make a standout soon.I will post it on here once ready to be done once more before I add more chapters to it.

[a sky full of stars]

42.'s poem
It starts and ends really strong, with a lot of focus on the main theme of it. But in the middle, you seem to get lost between stanza's, and I am unable to follow anymore. There is strong writing in the stanza's, very poetic and strong, but it's hard to derive meaning from it when they don't all tie together. I suggest re-reading the poem, and editing it up so your focus is more clear to the reader.
Beyond that, the stanza size, and all grammatical things are spot on! I can't wait to see what you do with the final draft!

Thanks you're critique is really accurate, I have had my poem edited/critiqued by many people and using he different points of view turned out to be effective.
Thanks heaps <3h