llamadelrey wrote:I find that people, even myself, tend to dwell on the statement "I want ____ back (insert thing from past)". I think it is because we have such fantastic memories in our heads, that we compare new, and rather exciting, things to them. Was the camp staff as great as last year? How was the food? Did the songs sound just right? The problem is, it will never be as good. Those are once in a lifetime oportunities that we just can't get back.
About 3 months ago, to the day, my youth pastor died. He meant the world to me. He brought me out of my shell, made me feel whole. He made me love to go to church. I actually made friends, and that is where i met the guy I am about to ask out to homecoming( I will talk about that later). When he died, a little part of me did too. It is still missing, and I know it will never be replaced. Anyways, this new guy came in. His name was Joseph ( changed the name). He took the place of Mike. I, to be honest, hated him before I even met him. Was he bald? no. Did he do crazy stuff like mike did? no. I hated how he made his wife take notes. Sexist! I hated how he conducted youth group. Lazy! I hated every single thing about him.
Then, one day, I stopped. i stopped hating him. I looked at myself, comparing everything. for god's sake, I was treating Joseph exactly opposite than how mike would've planned. I cried, and cried, and cried. I came to a sudden realization that Mike was gone, forever. Let me tell you, that SUCKED. Soon, I started accepting him. I started having fun, actually. If I hadn't come to slap myself, I probably would've gone and hung with "that crowd your parents tell you to stay away from".
The point is, the past is gone. You can't judge based on the past. The past is past, and the future is now. Get to know the new Brian, be open! If you don't like him, cry. It's healthy to cry when you are sad; but don't be sad forever. Don't compare other guys to him. Know what you want, and get it. You are strong, babe. Show Brian the you you want to see, not the you that you think he wants to see.
Thank you so much for your enlightening opinion. You seem wise beyond your years. I will take that advice to heart and forget about Brian if he can forget about me that easily. There are plenty of guys out there. If he doesn't realize what I mean to him, then I'm better off finding someone worth my time and patience. If he can prove that this new version of him and that his change was for the good, then I will keep him around.
You're right about holding onto the past is a bad comparison. Things from the past seem better because at the time I was living it, I didn't realize what I had until it was gone. My dog died about a month ago, and I still wish he were here. But there's nothing I can do to turn back time.
Thank you a ton for the amazing advice, and I am very sorry at your loss for Mike.
Bless you,
Zelda
