
Amtera wrote:This is probably going to be long.
So... I've been a video editor for a year now, I've improved a lot, I've even been accepted into a few MEPs (Multiple Editor Project) and even a team! But there's so much shadowing my joy...
I have an old computer. Old laptop, that is. It isn't the best, but it does what I need it to do. But my cat really likes to chew and destroy chargers. So he's ruined three. One he chewed caught fire and nearly killed me. So I ordered one from El Paso, it would arrive in 3 days. That was 1 week ago. I have work and projects I need to get done, but the seller lied and said they were from Hong Kong. So it could be another week, and I had school projects to get done. I don't have a week for those projects, and I hate rushing myself. My projects come out sloppy and bad.
Next...
I woke up on Sunday, and it was weird. My head was dull and buzzing, and I thought, "I must have a hangover.. Wait..... I don't drink...." That's when I noticed my blankets flying around. I was having a freaking seizure. I woke up thrashing and screaming from what I hope was a night terror so I don't have to go to the hospital. I go back to sleep panting. I wake up later thrashing again. Now, every thine I wake up, I'm thrashing and (or probably) screaming. I really hope there's not something else wrong with me, I really can't handle anything else. My gallbladder was removed, I'm showing signs of failing lungs, I have scoliosis and I'm lactose intolerant. I can't eat ice cream, my favorite comfort food. I can't handle spasms on top of depression.
And the worst....
My boyfriend is rarely online. He has family visiting, so he gets on very late. Recently, he hasn't been coming on at all. It used to be we had a rough night, and he didn't come on the next day... But the time he didn't get on... We had an amazing night... Yet... Why wasn't he on? I don't remember doing anything... I just... The day I had my seizure he wasn't on, and I've had a horrible sense of dread eversince, and I just... I want to see him damn it.... He means more than the world to me, and I can't stand it when I can't see him... I can help but feel abandoned since its happened so many times before... I'm so scared and I have no one besides him to fall back on... I need hugs in life, I seriously need them... I never get enough, and the more hugs I get the more I need because I'm so scared and insecure..... I feel so stupid and helpless, and it doesn't help that I'm weak to the pout I can't move...
I just don't know what to do anymore....
Amtera wrote:This is probably going to be long.
So... I've been a video editor for a year now, I've improved a lot, I've even been accepted into a few MEPs (Multiple Editor Project) and even a team! But there's so much shadowing my joy...
I have an old computer. Old laptop, that is. It isn't the best, but it does what I need it to do. But my cat really likes to chew and destroy chargers. So he's ruined three. One he chewed caught fire and nearly killed me. So I ordered one from El Paso, it would arrive in 3 days. That was 1 week ago. I have work and projects I need to get done, but the seller lied and said they were from Hong Kong. So it could be another week, and I had school projects to get done. I don't have a week for those projects, and I hate rushing myself. My projects come out sloppy and bad.
Next...
I woke up on Sunday, and it was weird. My head was dull and buzzing, and I thought, "I must have a hangover.. Wait..... I don't drink...." That's when I noticed my blankets flying around. I was having a freaking seizure. I woke up thrashing and screaming from what I hope was a night terror so I don't have to go to the hospital. I go back to sleep panting. I wake up later thrashing again. Now, every thine I wake up, I'm thrashing and (or probably) screaming. I really hope there's not something else wrong with me, I really can't handle anything else. My gallbladder was removed, I'm showing signs of failing lungs, I have scoliosis and I'm lactose intolerant. I can't eat ice cream, my favorite comfort food. I can't handle spasms on top of depression.
And the worst....
My boyfriend is rarely online. He has family visiting, so he gets on very late. Recently, he hasn't been coming on at all. It used to be we had a rough night, and he didn't come on the next day... But the time he didn't get on... We had an amazing night... Yet... Why wasn't he on? I don't remember doing anything... I just... The day I had my seizure he wasn't on, and I've had a horrible sense of dread eversince, and I just... I want to see him damn it.... He means more than the world to me, and I can't stand it when I can't see him... I can help but feel abandoned since its happened so many times before... I'm so scared and I have no one besides him to fall back on... I need hugs in life, I seriously need them... I never get enough, and the more hugs I get the more I need because I'm so scared and insecure..... I feel so stupid and helpless, and it doesn't help that I'm weak to the pout I can't move...
I just don't know what to do anymore....
+Nightmare+ wrote:I've been feeling down lately. I need something. I cant just get a vitrual hug, I need one, physically. No one ever hugs me, and the one person that does, lives farther away. I just, I dont know anything anymore.
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