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by Shiko Hayashi » Sun Aug 12, 2012 3:38 pm
SCULIAX wrote:I'm stressing over the Mystery Rune too. I don't know how to improve my story without over-doing it, unless I restart, but whenever I restart something, I always get writers block... then I can't go back to my previous idea, due to the fact that I've already forgot. I'm really happy with the name, but it doesn't seem to.... POP for the rune..... So, may I have some crit too? My form's on the first page.....
Your stories not bad, but it could use a bit of work. It seems to rush a bit too much. As if you just wanted to get the story done. Maybe add a bit more detail to it? If it goes over the limit though, don't worry about it. Just keep hope in your work.
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♝
S H I K O
H A Y A S H I
this world could rot
die, and kill itself off
but a promise is a promise
and promises should always be kept
dont you think?
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O N / o f f
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Shiko Hayashi
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by Sculi the Ax » Sun Aug 12, 2012 3:40 pm
Shiko Hayashi wrote:SCULIAX wrote:I'm stressing over the Mystery Rune too. I don't know how to improve my story without over-doing it, unless I restart, but whenever I restart something, I always get writers block... then I can't go back to my previous idea, due to the fact that I've already forgot. I'm really happy with the name, but it doesn't seem to.... POP for the rune..... So, may I have some crit too? My form's on the first page.....
Your stories not bad, but it could use a bit of work. It seems to rush a bit too much. As if you just wanted to get the story done. Maybe add a bit more detail to it? If it goes over the limit though, don't worry about it. Just keep hope in your work.
Yeah.... at first I did it in a word doc.... so I went past the "limit" and had to delete all sorts of stuff... my computer decided that it didn't want to charge, and almost died before I got the chance to save it. The ENTIRE thing (which was three pages long before condensing happened) took me four hours..... so now I have to pack three pages into three paragraphs etc etc..... I guess I just am struggling to do so ><
Kickthe Gher gave me a pig! oDo

Status:
❒ Taken
❒ Single
✔ Waiting for a madman in a box...
An apple a day keeps the doctor away,
but The Doctor is cute, so screw the fruit
Teehee, Dan was here x3
I used to be SCULIAX and Skuliax ~ No stealing
Dat sexeh ladeh
Dan Howell made my avatar. Give her some fluffles for it, yeah? c;
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Sculi the Ax
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by Shiko Hayashi » Sun Aug 12, 2012 3:42 pm
I did something like that before. I was told to write a summary, and it ended up being four pages long.
X'D
Any chance I can get critique on my form as well?
◤▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬◥
♝
S H I K O
H A Y A S H I
this world could rot
die, and kill itself off
but a promise is a promise
and promises should always be kept
dont you think?
◣▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬◢
O N / o f f
-

Shiko Hayashi
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by Temperance. » Sun Aug 12, 2012 3:52 pm
Thank-you all so much for the feedback, makes me feel really happy and gives me lots of varied opinions to help me come to a conclusion XDDDAzure23 wrote:
[center][I love your short, little story. It's soo sweet and it made me giggle when Falanon fainted. I could just imagine it. I wish there was more! I love it. ^^ And yush, it is a little cheesy, but in a cute, amusing kind of a way. :3]
[/center]
Hahahahaha thanks Azure <333 I had hoped that it would be engaging enough to make the reader want more but....I wasn't sure if it accomplished that XD I normally do very gloomy and dark stories, so this was more of a comical thing for me, and it feels weird to write something like that XDDD Still, I'm glad you thought it was funny, and I just totally imagined Falanon fainting at the announcement so it seemed appropriate lol.Shiko Hayashi wrote:
[center]
I personally love the beginning of your story. It's short, sweet, and I absolutely adore the detail.
Where the pregnancy thing was a definite kick, it wasn't a bad one. Just a little unexpected.
I think maybe you should reserve her pregnancy for later, in case you want to build on that story? Maybe make it so she yearns for a child, and is hoping that the Mystery Egg can fulfill this yearning? Just an idea.
I might change mine too. It seems a bit too long. But I really like the direction of it.
I'm glad ^^ I love starting out with tons of detail. Actually, I originally had a single paragraph that was nearly as long as all three combined, so I had to cut it down and in the process eliminate many more detailed parts, I couldn't bear to part with my initial beginning though, so I just kept it as is and continued from there XD Glad you liked it. Hmmm yes, it was meant to be unexpected, but with foreshadowing as well so once she announces it everything from earlier kind of makes sense XD
Well, I'm not 100% sure if you're on the Rune Dragon offsite forum, but there's an RP on there called 'Siphon' and my character is the daughter of Falanon and Kat, so I thought it would be suitable to do a little tidbit about that here XD Basically, once I've created my rune dragon thread I plan on having it link to an archive with all the stories/adventures that I plan on writing for them. Which would include a nice long story about all of this in greater detail. That being said I really like your idea of making it a yearning thing, because that is something in alinement with Kat's character.
Thank-you for the suggestion, I have a feeling I'll be tweaking my story XDShiko Hayashi wrote:I did something like that before. I was told to write a summary, and it ended up being four pages long.
X'D
Any chance I can get critique on my form as well?
I'll do it!!! -runs off to read-[/center]
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Temperance.
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by Shiko Hayashi » Sun Aug 12, 2012 4:11 pm
Glad you liked it.
And I see what you mean. That would definitely add a twist to your form.
Unfortunately, I don't own a Rune yet, so I haven't been on that forum. I'm hoping little Absinthe is my first.
Thanks!
◤▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬◥
♝
S H I K O
H A Y A S H I
this world could rot
die, and kill itself off
but a promise is a promise
and promises should always be kept
dont you think?
◣▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬◢
O N / o f f
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Shiko Hayashi
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by Verdana » Sun Aug 12, 2012 7:45 pm
Hello everyone. Trying to be more active in the fanclub. It would be much, much easier if I wasn't writing prelims.
On the subject of critiquing stories, can anyone do mine? I need help, I think >.<
It's on page 3, almost on the bottom.
I love the colours and the rune so much. :3
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