by KaiKenNatsuki » Mon Jul 16, 2012 10:06 am
*hug attack to everyone* Thank you so much for your kind words, Chase <3 You're amazingness in person ^u^ <3
But I believe I don't deserve those words, I've been doing a lot of wrong things lately and I've hurt a friend of mine, and I feel guilty as hell. I said things I should not and to other people as well, I know I've never considered myself famous but at some point, I think the "fame" i used to have in CS had went high in my head and I had forgotten those which are really important to me.
I'm shy to post that anywhere else so I'll just share this with you, because I trust you. Not that I want you not to tell anyone or anything, because this is not a secret. I just need to let it go.
I've hurt many people lately and kept on complaining about the others, how selfish and ignorant they were for never noticing what I've always tried to do for them and such. Now I realized that, the selfish one is and has always been me. I do listen to what the others have to say and I feel so special when I give advice to someone, or when I help someone. But when i get mad at them I just drown in the darkest side of me and horrible thoughts take place in my mind, infecting it. And one day I shared it with a friend. Well, the friend I spoke about saw my message and now I believe she is extremely mad at me and may not want to talk to me again. I understand, and in your place I'd do the same, but please I beg you from my knees. I feel so empty without you there, I miss our conversations and the funny things we shared. I know I've been a stupid, selfish person, and I regret everything. But, if I had to do it again, I would; because only now I am able to realize how important and essential you are to me, and how I miss you so bad <3 Those words were just an impulse, I never meant that. I was mad, deaf and blind, the only thing that I needed to shut was the only thing that would not, my mouth.
I sincerely owe you my apologies, I hope one day you can forgive me for that.
--
Some of my other friends went away from me, I don't know why though. I PMed some but they never replied, I'm confused about what I have done and what's going on, but I'm so afraid to PM them again and be kicked out..
No, I don't want your pity, and I don't need it, nor deserve it. I just needed to let it out. <3 Hopefully, if you read this, you'll understand. I love you, bud (':