the land of faerres { Sih likes shiny things }

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Re: the land of faerres { Jinaro mourns tonight }

Postby Horneddragon » Tue Apr 10, 2012 11:20 pm

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Mourning Cries split the night black pelt,
Love is broken,
It's sinister twin Heart break runs rapid,
Through the streets,
a new heart falls to it's clutches,
Those who hear her,
morn anew


| Jinaro |

Sodora's light steps fell neatly into place as she stopped, drinking in the new night. From her high resting place she felt as if she could reach out and touch the moon. Her paws itched to try it just once, yet, she could not muster the courage to indulge them. With a sigh she settled down, crystal blue eyes reflecting back the mirror of stars above her. Tonight was a beautiful night, The sky all too clear, the moon full, and ripe.

What light shudders,
as twin pairs,
lavender, lilac
Crest the grassy knoll.

The vast and oceanic titan, above
be restless, in
his ever dancing stellar beauty.

See now Artemis,
Diamond and Silver expanse,
shimmers, glows, Reflects
A beacon,
A single sentinel in a sky of black.

Sodora flicked her soft ears back, A sour note had joined the night, of a Faerre heart broken, her blue eyes began to sparkle with tears as the emotion of the moment caught her up in its clutches.

Alas, Do my ears hear but sorrow?
The moans of those broken hearted wretches,
howling, their blistering pain,
to the ocean above.

Flowing with the last wavering note of sadness, she lowered her head ever so slowly. After a few moments pause she raised her cool pastel head to once again view the sky. A light squeak erupted from her lips a the very earth around her seemed to awaken in and rise, as the faceted green dragon she perched on raised her dark green head. A single white, slit pupiled eye rolled its way around in its socket till it found the ocean like Faerre perched lightly next to her horns on the crest of her head. The Dragon's eye dilated and contracted a few times, focusing on the faerre for a few seconds.

That is a very beautiful poem little one, you have learned much in your short time with us.

The Dragon's mind voice was heavy and tired, and she punctuated her sentence with a wide yawn that revealed her twin pairs of sharp teeth.

Sodora's cheeks turned a deep crimson through her baby blue fur and she lightly drew a circle on the crest of the dragon's head with a single forepaw. In the few short weeks she had come to know her new immortal companions, Lasirie and Paravati, never once had she been paid such a complement.

Thank you Lasirie,

Her voice was light, yet still held the same thrumming under tone of emotion, and intensity, she spoke with wile reciting her beloved poetry. As once again the dragon shifted under her paws, she looked up to the stars. As she began to loose herself once again in the dark blackness she began to feel her mind wander, reach out, and touch ever so lightly, all things living and not. It was a beautiful skill that both her mistress Paravati and the Dragon Lasirie were teaching her, and one she was slowly beginning to master.

Her crystal blue eyes traced the Leo constellation, yet her mind wandered lonely till a sour note cut though the calm restlessness of the clear spring night. A gasping shudder wormed its way thorough the small pastel Faerre's body as the sour note took hold. She looked out a a world too dark, too sullen, when had her eyes collected so many tears? She gasped once more as the sour note intensified, taking hold of the small Faerre. Much like a wave crashing over her as her heart welled with so much grief and sadness. For the firat time in her young life her inner self reflected her outer pelt. She felt as if she would bust, as if her small frame would break under the weight of the angry waves of emotion raking her insides.

"I wish to leave "

The phantom voice seemed to come from Sodora herself, yet the voice was not her own. Or was it? No It could not have been, She had never once, no matter how hard life had gotten for her, never once had she ever sounded so, so hollow.

Her thoughts were broken as once again the phantom voice spoke out.

"To leave this heartbreaking place and piece up my broken soul.. he won't come back.. this grief he's left me with..."

She felt the head of the heartbroken one fall, and with it she felt the tears leave her eyes, Before she was completely back in her own body she heard the other's ragged almost whispered words,

"I wish to escape."

Sodora let out the breath she did not know she had been holding, and falling to her belly began raggedly gasping for air. How could one, be consumed by such soul ravaging grief? She felt the hot tears well up on her face before she could stop them Sodora had only cried out of sadness but a few times in her short life, but this time was different. She mourned not for her own self, but for the loss of the other, the other Faerre, for it HAD to be a Faerre, his or her grief was so great, so horrible she could do much else but grieve along with them, nestled safe withing the crook of Lasirie's large horns.

As the tears slowly began to fade, and her vision began to clear sodora found herself consumed by a need. Shakily she began to rise to her paws, wiping what was left of the residual grief from her face. With a noisy sniff she looked around, Lasirie was asleep once again beneath her, not even fazed, or if she was not showing it, by Sodora's random out burst of something mirroring self wallow. The wind had picked up, and lazily tugged at her pastel colored fur like a young pup. A slight shiver tore through the pastel colored Faerre once more, though if it was the new chill of the night, or the memory of the phantom grief she did not know. Elegantly she navigated her way down Lasirie's head taking care not to slip. Once solidly on the ground she took a few steps forward, but stopped, Lasirie had wanted to meet other Faerre. That was why she had agreed to stay here with Sodora wile Paravati took place in the coming of spring with her mother and siblings. Sodora allowed her blue eyes, still rimmed with red, to trace over the large dragons emerald form. Yet if she had learned anything from her brief experiences with Lasirie, she knew not to disturb the dragon while she slept. With an uneasy tail flick, she decided that waking the dragon would be more costly than the disappointment the dragon would feel at missing an opportunity to be introduced to another Faerre. And with slight hesitation she slowly began making her way towards the most likely place a Faerre waning to escape Vinara would go.

------------------------------------------------------

Sodora Sat in the flickering light of a dieing torch. She let out a light sigh as she took in her dark surroundings, the night though exceptionally breezy, reminded her of that one many a day ago, the fires of the torches an all to familiar woody scent in her nose, the all too familiar looks from prying eyes of wooers, the soft whisper of those who surrounded her. True, It was rare not many Faerre returned to the alter after making their decision, most left right off, to travel. But unlike those Sodora had Chosen to stay, for a single year, though her paws itched to travel, she could not abandon her homeland quite so soon, and she had all eternity to wander.

Slowly she allowed her Blue eyes to travel around the dark Alter. A deep aura of sadness seemed to radiate from the stage. Its dark claws effecting everyone in the area. All seemed on edge. Her ears twitched as she listened into the conversations of those around her. A single name seemed to be in the spotlight of repetition tonight.

Jinaro.

The Faerre's name seemed to roll off her tongue with some degree of familiarity, though for the life of her she could not remember if she had ever met her, or when. After a moments pause slowly the pastel Faerre made her way through the crowd, dogging the heavy feet of those who towered above her.

She alighted on the seat of a bench not far from the stage, and as she slowly climbed her way to the top of it's high back, she saw the lone figure waiting forlornly on the stage. The dark Faerre's snow capped head was bowed in deep sorrow, a frown furrowed its way unto Sodora's face as she watched as suitors approached the other Female Faerre.

On some unknown whim, sodora too found herself moving off her perch, and towards the grand stage. Was the stage so imposing last time? Had she seemed so lonely by herself atop its wide expanse? She could not answer her own steps as she crested the stairs in a long line of suitors. As the last of those before her cleared the way, Sodora got her first true look at Jinaro. With a gasp, she shuddered to a stop. Almost being run over by those behind her.

Jinaro

the name rolled off her tongue once again in that same flowing familiarity. Though it was not the name she had known this Faerre by. With each step swept to her mind nicknames, that she had heard this single Faerre called. The Grey Lady, The Faerre in black, Lady sorrow, Lost one. Each Was unique in its own way, yet seemed just to plain to describe the Female Faerre before her.

Cautiously she took the last few steps that separated Her and jinaro, she knew if she was to believe anything from the tales told of the 'lost one' that 'Lady sorrow' was quick to break down. Though turmoil raged inside Sodora, she lightly sat, and as tradition upheld gave a low bow to Jinaro. As she righted herself her face fell into a mask of nothing but concern for the blurry eyed black Faerre.

Jinaro, Why do you cry?

Her voice was light an soothing. as she spoke to Jinaro, She wanted to comfort her. To help relive the pain in her heart.

Please, Sister, tell me. I can help. I can help you, ease the pain.


In emphasis she brushed her tail down the length of Jinaro's chin, in an attempt to make the other female Faerre look up. Unsuccessful in her attempt Sodora's face fell into a deep blush.

I May not seem like much, but my companions, now they are two to be glorified. The Lady Paravati, daughter of Demeter, a demigod by birth and an immortal by right; and her dragon Laserie, immortal by her bondage to Paravati. They are the two who have opened my eyes to the worlds beyond, and through that, because of that. I find myself here before you today. By some chance of fate I felt your sadness, If only but a fraction of it. and I longed, as even now i long, to help you soothe this pain.

Sodora's eyes sparkled with the emotions she was trying to convey to Jinaro. Every fiber of her being bent towards her in an attempt to make her feel wanted and loved, by a family.

They say only time can ease your pain, and If it is time you need, I, well we can give you time. I offer to you the same rite I was given only weeks before. I offer you the right to immortality. It is a new chance at life, and happiness with a new start.

Laying her ears flat she ran her paw through the dirt once more,

Though, as with all things there comes a price, once you are given the gift of immortality, you will be banned from the mortal realm, and like wise from Vinara, for one century.

Her eyes flicked up towards Jinaro, to see her reaction to this statement, and was dismayed to find her expression still locked within that somber mask of inner turmoil.


Even so, The temporary loss of one realm opens the gate way to the other eight, The realm of the Gods, though you may know it as Paradise. The Mists, The under world, The Shadow lands, The Realm of Light. Excluding the mortal realm,those are only the five I know of, there are still two more My compatriots have yet to tell me the tales of.


she shot Jinaro a reassuring smile.

I must say, you are one beautiful Faerre, I know a loss is hard, but should you always be locked within the confines of grief, and despair? I can help you ease your pain. I can help you move on, to better you life. I can give you a new start, a clean slate. A new life. Please, consider my offer. And This, Your name Jinaro, sounds too much like the emotion that holds you captive in its dark clutches. Jinaro sounds like sorrow. Why not change you name to Jinara? It has an elegant and very lady-like ring to it that, In my own opinion suits you.

With another low bow she rose to her feet, turning, she paused only long enough to run her tail comfortingly down the slightly larger Faerre's cheek once more.

"No matter what your choice, Remember, I am here for you. Jinara"

her whisper seemed to echo lightly in the heavy air around the two faerre, smiling once more, Sodora reluctantly padded off into the crowd once more.
Last edited by Horneddragon on Wed Apr 11, 2012 2:41 pm, edited 15 times in total.
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Postby Temperance. » Wed Apr 11, 2012 5:33 am

Wooing With wrote:
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Several Weeks Ago:
I padded softly through the thick undergrowth which dotted the grassy landscape, though I knew it was foolish and dangerous,I found that I couldn't stay away from him, no matter how much pain it could potentially cause me. We had met a month ago, a mutual attraction developing between us that I was helpless to deny, despite his volatile and frightening reputation, which had warned away many other, wiser, females before. Yet in my naivete I felt that I could be the one to change him, just a little bit at a time, until everyone else would agree that I hadn't made such a foolish choice after all. The niggling doubts which often assailed me were shoved vehemently aside, they were just the silly nerves of a silly female.....weren't they? The sudden snap of a twig somewhere up ahead had me lying flat against the ground, my orange underbelly fur brushing against the silky green grass, while my long ears lay flat against my head. Though there was a chance that this was simply a bird, deer, or even him.....I wasn't about to take any chances, not when he was so despised by most. There was always a chance that danger would find me, and despite myself I couldn't help but like that idea. The danger appealed to me as well, no matter how much I wished to deny it.

Finally I gathered up enough courage to continue to slink through the undergrowth, I was going to surprise him today, having caught a healthy stag last evening, I had decided to come and share it with him, since he said that he often went without food. Just as I reached the edge of the clearing where he lived, I heard his honey smooth voice as he spoke to another. My ears twitched uncertainly, he said that I was almost his only visitor, but the way he was speaking with this other creature sounded....intimate almost. Slowly, fearing and dreading what I would see next, I scanned the clearing, looking for his charcoal coloured coat. A flash of colour caught my attention from my peripheral vision, and I whipped my head around to see. There, across the starlit clearing, he was frisking around......with a silver she-wolf. Pain lanced through me, an incredible shooting pain unlike anything else I had ever experienced. I felt as though my heart had been squeezed and then gone through with a dagger. I should have known better really, hadn't everyone warned me of this very thing? Yet I was stubborn, so stubborn that nearly infallible logic went straight over my head, lost against my love-sick foolishness. A soft whimper escaped my lips, and was followed by an all-encompassing anger. Growling I sprang out into the silver-coloured meadow. "Gorrem!" I snarled furiously, causing the flirtatious male to trip over his own paws and topple to the ground. Clearly that didn't go over well with him for he sprang up and turned on me with his own snarl, eyes narrowed furiously. "What do you want Ashwyn? I thought you said you wouldn't be here until tomorrow." And that was all, not even an attempt at an apology, just anger.....at ME. Disbelief flowed over me, followed by a hollow ache in my heart, he had never cared about me, that much was certain. Still, I would try one last time, because thats what love does, it makes you hurt yourself further. Lifting my head and scrapping together what dignity I had left, I let out a long shaky breath. "What are you doing with HER Gorrem, what happened to US?" The charcoal coloured male had the arrogance to flash me a cocky grin, "Whaddya think we're doing? We're," He turned to flash the silver female, who was looking rather non-plussed with the whole thing, an intimate glance, "having fun." He finished, before turning an imperious gaze on me. "You may go now, and if you have a problem with this....well, don't come back." He turned to saunter off then, as though all was fine. But at that moment something snapped within me, an eerie shrieking howl erupted through the meadow, and it took me a moment to realize it was me, and as Gorrem turned with annoyance in his eyes, I felt myself run at him with a snarl, and then everything went red.

I woke some time later, whether a day had passed, or simply the night, I did not know. But the sunlight was warm and soothing on my pelt, and for a few moments I simply lay there in perfect bliss, but then the memories began to filter back in, Gorrem's betrayal, the silver female who didn't care about his promiscuous activities, my own shattered heart, the fury I felt as he turned his back on me.....heart pounding I pulled myself to my paws. What had happened last night? All I remembered was lunging at him and then.....nothing. Shifting I started to take a step forward when I felt my fur crackle almost unnaturally. Puzzled I peered down at my orange fur and let out a terrified yelp. It was matted and sticky with blood. Fear coursed through me, what had I done? And more than that, was Gorrem okay? Because despite everything I still loved him, even though it was implausible and idiotic of me. Not really wanting to know, and yet needing to, I began to survey my surroundings, and that was when I saw them. Vultures, circling in the sky high above me, beady eyes fixated on a spot not far from me. Feeling nauseated I slowly crept towards the place the vultures were circling, it was a little dip in the meadow, just low enough for me not to be able to see it while standing. And at the bottom.......two colours of pelt, one charcoal and one silver, a whimper escaped me and I walked as if in a dream, or a nightmare, towards the two prone bodies. Carefully I prodded them apart with a paw, and let out a terrified shriek. Their throats had been torn, and a familiar scent wafted from the two of them, MY scent. Orange fur was caught between their nails, and with horror pounding through me I realized the awful truth, I had done it. I had killed them. No comfort, no pride, no satisfaction filled me, only pure, unadulterated disgust with myself and revulsion at the scene below me. How could I have killed someone I loved? How? It just.....it wasn't logical, it wasn't ethical.....it was just-just-just rage. So this was rage, an emotion I had never wished to greet, never longed to feel, and it all stemmed from love. Bitterness flooded me, if this was love.....then I didn't want it. And in that moment I knew, I resolved myself, I would never love again, I'd build my walls up, harden them, until nothing and no male could ever get past my defenses again. I would not allow it to render me into an unfeeling monster that could kill two creatures without any qualms.

Present Day:
I impassively studied the sea of faces around me, it was mildly interesting actually, to see all the different types of creatures which had come to visit this place. Faerre's, such strange yet intriguing creatures, and the different types I had seen, each completely unique and varied, were fascinating to say the least. Yet none had really grabbed my attention, each one sounded happy and carefree, or duty-bound perhaps. Interesting yes, but not enough so to make me feel even the slightest desire to go introduce myself to them and see if they would be my companion. Suddenly I noticed something, the normally cheery and exuberant atmosphere by the altar had dimmed, changing instead to a grim and quiet sort of air, as though all the creatures were collectively holding their breath. Puzzlement flitted through me, what could possible have changed? But then a Faerre stepped up onto the altar. She was incredibly beautiful, her dark coat reminding me, with a painful pang, of Gorrem a little bit, while the white and orange accents to her pelt changed her from something ordinary to extraordinary. Despite myself I found my ears pricking curiously towards her, yet it wasn't even her appearance that drew me in, it was the aura around her. One of absolute despair and anguish, two feelings that had become as familiar to me as breathing and eating were. I lived them, day in and day out, though to the outside world I had learned to appear relaxed and at ease, if a little bit cool and uncaring. The announcer softly called out the new Faerre's name as Jinaro, and it was then that the Faerre began to speak. "I wish to leave. To leave this heartbreaking place and piece up my broken soul.. he won't come back.. this grief he's left me with..." Sadness rolled through me to see her tears, and a kinship with her flared up inside of me, the cruelness of males spanned across all species, and this was one female I felt I needed to protect, shelter, and hide away from the ugliness that is love. "I wish to escape." That singly heartfelt plea called to me more than anything, and hardly aware of what I was doing I began to walk slowly up the altar. An almost dreamlike state coming upon me.

Quietly I stepped up the altar steps until I was directly in front of Jinaro, gently touching her cheek with my nose I sat down and tilted my head to quietly study her for a moment, struggling to find the correct words to voice what I felt. Finally though I spoke, surprised at how soft and gentle my voice sounded, considering the fact that I had been an almost emotionless husk ever since the death of Gorrem and his "play-mate". "Greetings Jinaro, I am Ashwyn." It seemed as good an introduction as any, and with a self conscious lick to my chest I continued. "This.....this isn't easy for me to say, or admit. But...I've been through loss as well." My voice cracked and then went even softer, my vision going out of focus as the memories assaulted me. "Except.....he didn't exactly leave me. He was with another female and I-" A ragged breath stopped me and I shook my head emphatically, "It doesn't matter, the past is the past. What I really want to say, what I need you to understand, is that I think we can help each other. I've been travelling alone for weeks and....well, to be honest this is the first time I've felt anything in that time." I let my sentence trail off and gave a soft sigh, turning my head away to look out into the distance for a long moment before turning back to Jinaro, "Us girls need to stick together, males are....unreliable, and I can promise you that I wouldn't let anything happen to you, should you choose to accompany me, we would heal, together. Bit by bit, day by day, until we are whole again. Not the same, perhaps, as before, but whole. More than that I can not offer you, but I do hope you will think about it." I figured there was nothing else left to say, but before I turned to leave I brushed my tail against her flank and shot her a soft smile, "Whatever you decide I wish you much happiness, and I have a feeling that one way or another you will discover it somewhere. Even if I am not so fortunate." And with a gentle wink I sprang down from the altar, padding a short way away until I flopped down on a hill, my eyes locked on Jinaro on the altar. A part of me was berating myself for not offering her a gift, even one of the flowers that grew on this hill would have been a good idea. But slowly I shook my head, no, I wasn't here to offer her pretty things and knick-knacks, I would only offer her exactly what I had to offer. Nothing more, nothing less. False impressions in such a delicate condition as hers....well, I knew from experience how foolish that was. All I could do now was wait, Jinaro would make the best choice for herself, and hopefully find some peace through it. Whether it was with me, or with another. And that was all I wanted for her, what I wanted for myself paled in comparison to her plight, for at least by now I had learned how to handle my anguish, she hadn't yet, and so there was still a chance that she could better herself through the experience, rather than lose herself as I had.


[Lol, not as morbid and bad as I initially thought it would be, still, I really enjoyed writing this, even though it has me feeling a tad melancholy now XD I'm excited to see the judging and read the winners form. Good luck everyone! And I wish Jinaro much peace <3 And Ashwyn too actually XD My poor fursona, she always gets abused in my stories, I'll have to rectify that some day, just....not today obviously XDDD Anyways, I hope you enjoyed reading it, and have a fantastic day!]
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Re: the land of faerres { Jinaro mourns tonight }

Postby angus » Wed Apr 11, 2012 10:24 am

I walk up to the alter where Jinaro is mourning. "Don't cry," I whisper, "Don't worry." As I am standing at the alter I fear one false move could end a friendship that I would love to have. "I am not here to tell you about how sorry I am for you." I slowly sit down, "I am sure that you have heard enough of that already." I bow my head, taking a deep breath, this is the moment I have been waiting for! "I, Ruby, am here to make you an offer. I want you to come home with me, I am lonley and want someone to love." I take a deep breat how this will work out out I will never know, I was never a good public speaker. "I know your heart has been broken, so has mine. But togehter I think we can heal, we can help each other when we stumble in the hardness of life." I had made my offer, I was done. But as I start to turn away I stop, "Don't keepall your sorrow in, you need to find someone to talk to." We stare at each other for what seems like days. Finally I turn away and realse a breath I didn't know I was holding. I smile to myself, I hope she chooses me I think or if she doesn't I hope she find a good home.
~Angus
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Re: the land of faerres { Jinaro mourns tonight }

Postby broken* » Wed Apr 11, 2012 3:24 pm

Okay, I finished my form!! I wanted to add a picture of the locket, but I am not done with the drawing and need to head off to bed, so I suppose I'll see who won beautiful Jinara tomorrow <3 Goodluck to all!
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Re: the land of faerres { Judging in 1 hour! }

Postby Taiyo » Thu Apr 12, 2012 1:09 am

Hello all~ Jinaro will be judging in 1 hour!
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Re: the land of faerres { Judging in 1 hour! }

Postby broken* » Thu Apr 12, 2012 7:50 am

Good luck everyone!!
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Re: the land of faerres { Judging in 1 hour! }

Postby originals » Thu Apr 12, 2012 8:16 am

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A small human, no more than 14 (if even that) walked carefully towards the faerre, her short brown hair falling carefully around her shoulders as her shoes made a soft tapping sound on the ground. She finally reached the Altar, and began speaking.

"I see that you have lost someone. Someone dear. Though I cannot remove the pain, perhaps I can assist you with it.

The words tumbled off her pale pink lips, far more fancy sounding than she had wished them to. She knelt down, then he brushed her hair out of her face, smoothed the wrinkle out of her Levis, pulled down her long sleeve shirt that was hitched around her waist, and began speaking once again.

"I lost someone too. It was long ago, and they weren't human. But they were my companion, my friend. We would fight, but it would always make up by moonrise. Then, one day..."

Shadows struck her face, almost as though she had planned it, but soon they passed off of her face and on to her arms, before falling on the floor as the lighting moved slightly.

"My brother was born. It was the greatest day of my life, the most amazing thing. Until my father brought the news. My friend had died. She had been quite old for an animal of her species, and you could see it in her fur, how it had thinned with her. Just a few months ago, my second companion died. She had a disease, an incurable one. Just days before I went on a trip. The trip was almost miserable, but then I learned. I learned that I couldn't remain on the loss. Though I never let go of her, and never will, I can move on. Perhaps you can move on with me?"

Tears fell from the girl's face, though they were replaced with more from her blue-green eyes. She wiped them off, tried to wipe them off her jeans but failed, then stood up. She gave a small, respective bow-curtsey gesture, then stepped back and awaited the decision of Jinaro.
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Re: the land of faerres { Judging now }

Postby Taiyo » Thu Apr 12, 2012 11:45 am

Whoops! Sorry for the delay gusy >.<' My internet got cut off at an ungodly time! Don't worry though! I'll be posting our verdict soon! Meanwhile, while you guys wait in suspense >:3 why not check out the Mod recruitment area?
Customs will also be opened very soon, so get those custom orbs bought! >:D
Good day~
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Re: the land of faerres { Judging now }

Postby Blaze Crimson » Thu Apr 12, 2012 12:19 pm

I wish to Apply!
Username:blazeheart
Brief Summary: {Summarize anything about yourself here, we'd like to get to know more about you, it can be as brief as several words or as long as 3 paragraphs!}Im a straight A student except for 2 crap and lives in the US. I love to read, and enjoy going on my computer.
Age:13 {Optional}
Gender:Female {Cuz Taiyo tends to refer to her 'internet' mods with the wrong gender all the time}
What are the benefits of becoming a Faerre Mod?:Being able to judge on a faerre(But cant woo on that one) If thats even considered a benifit
What will you do if someone breaks a rule?correct them if a minor one (ex. Minorly control faerre on altar) major, PM you.
Why do you want to be a mod?Because I love this thread and I enjoy helping others
When are you available?From about... 3:00-10:00 most days (US time. Youre usually asleep then) I have Girl Scouts on thurdays and religion class on Wednesdays.
What time is it at your place when it's 9PM in HK? 10:00 AM {just to see if we can match up the different times, state whether it is the morning, afternoon or night time}
Previous 'Mod'ing experiences?On another website I mod for a friend and I have 2 threads here and on one I am a solo mod (Although, no ones adopted yet) {list them out please}
Paragraph:
{write a short story so we can access your writing skills}
Blaze padded to her den in the woods. It was a bright, mid-summer day and Blaze had decided to go hunting, returning with a few Hares. She was about to enter her den when a strange smell wafted up her nose. SHe wipped around and leaped for a bush, attacking a bear interested in her prey. She sliced at the bears nose, getting in a blow. It wasnt untill Blaze inflicted a large shoulder wound that the bear fled. Blaze wondered if that was worth the fight.

Now, we're going to type two random short paragraphs, please critique it for errors, grammar and anything else you can think of.

1. "YOU, harbinger of evil!" Farlom hissed as spit and froth flies everywhere, his accusing finger pointed directly at the girl hovering on the ground a few feet away. "Leave us be demon!" a crooked hand whipped out, lashing the beggar's face and throwing the skinny girl on the ground, her groans of pain barely audible in her deathly state. Eyes that sparked on hatred, seem to burn straight through her skin, bones and into her soul, she's terrified... too terrified to move away from those critizing eyes, those eyes that... that... Safrina could stand it no more, as the staff descended once more, the beggar curled away and awaited deaths.

2. Gingerly I picked up the books from the ground. The bells had rung long ago, yet with only one foot, she can only walk so quickly. Jinan's brown eyes were casted low on the ground, it's just another day. I'm used to it by now. Even Jim said, I'm useless. Jinan looked at her only foot, seeing the stump made her heart thump with agony. Why? I thought.

Why?

Critique 1:Either harbinger is miss spelt, or I would suggest a more... known word.
Critique 2:Well, there are no quotes, missing commas, and "Gingerly I" is batter as I gingerly, unless you add a comma after gingerly.
Thank you for your time~ and good luck!
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Re: the land of faerres { Judging now }

Postby Temperance. » Thu Apr 12, 2012 1:11 pm

OMGOSH. sorry, I can't read obviously -_- yeesh, I read EVERYTHING but that XD sorry Taiyo, my moment of derpiness is over ;)
Last edited by Temperance. on Thu Apr 12, 2012 2:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.


























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T E M P E R A N C E
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Female| INFJ |Christian | Kintaur Mod

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> Call me Temperance, Tempy, Kat, or whatever you feel like.
> I love animals and decided to pursue a dog training career c:
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> Banished is my new fave series (gifs to left are from the show)
> Literate writer with oodles of characters but very little time.
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