Zvers: [New thread, please lock]

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Re: Zvers: V2 (or maybe it's 3...) Open, first set up

Postby Metallic Dragon » Thu Jan 19, 2012 2:40 pm

Alright guys, so... no one else applied for her and I kinda like her. So, I'm applying. Which means I need you guys to judge my form for me since I can't really judge it myself. Anyway, read through my form and let me know if you all think it is good enough to be worthy of her. Please, feel free to tell me if you don't think it is, I won't hold it against anyone if they believe I should have put more effort into the form or if it's just not good enough to win a zver.


Username:
Metallic Dragon

Zver you want:
CC1
Image

Name:
Xyashi (Zy-ah-shee)

Reason you want her:
I’ve decided that it’s time for Shailana to have a friend. Although I’m the one who designed CC1, I figure that there’s no reason why I shouldn’t apply for one of my own creations. Anyway, as I was coloring Xyashi, I began to feel the urge to keep her (which occurs somewhat often when I create a design I like). But of course, this was part of the new set and it wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t allow other people to try for her as well. At the time I figured I’d just wait it out and watch, deciding that if no forms appeared for her, I’d apply myself and have someone else judge and decide if I put enough effort into my own form to win her(and also just in case anyone else applied last minute seeing as I want it to be fair and having me judge my own form would be pointless). Also, I’ve been itching to write an actual hunting/capturing zver story for a while and I think it’s about time I actually get to do so.
What will you do with it if you win?: Xyashi will probably just become another of my minor characters along with Shailana. Though not particularly a sad fate, it is one where she probably won’t get quite as much love as my major characters. She will, however, be given art as well as a space on my character page so that she will not be forgotten(and also so I’ll have more motivation to continue the history below so that her post fits in with all the others).

Personality:

Mistrusting: Xyashi is not known to be one to put her trust in anyone, especially not humans. She would rather get hit by a truck than be forced to put her life in the hands of humans or anything humanoid.

Manipulative: Due to her mistrust in others, she has learned to manipulate those around her to work her way. If something does not go according to plan, she does anything possible to change the outcome.

Dramatic: This is one of her tools of manipulation. Humans are creatures known to have at least a little bit of compassion, or at least hold a bit of pity. She uses this to her advantage in any way she can, occasionally pretending to be injured or sick in order to gain the upper hand.

Stand-offish: She hates being touched, even gently. Petting her or showing her any signs of affection are out of the question. She’d much rather bite your hand than allow you to stroke her soft fur. This usually means that she prefers when you keep your distance, not getting too close to her, even when she’s somewhat ok with you being around.

Sneaky: This is meant in the sense that she’s a bit of a ninja. She waits until you turn your back before going on the attack. Perhaps it’s just her natural instinct to attack those with their back turned, but either way, she doesn’t generally let up an attack until she’s sure whatever or whoever she attacked won’t be getting back up again for a long time.

Introduction/Story:

Zvers eh? Japhith thought as he glanced over the poster that had been pinned up to the board outside his office. He’d never seen or even heard of the strange beasts, but the pictures set his heart racing. What a price one of these would bring overseas! He was sure that people would pay millions to own one of these, and here were three that had escaped from an obscure lab in a forest somewhere. He had to be the one to capture them, he’d be rich!

Pale golden eyes peeked out of the brush at the edge of the trees. CC1 glowered, trying to decide how best to proceed. It had been hard enough to get this far undiscovered. Her pale strawberry and peach colored fur wasn’t exactly difficult to spot in the dark greens and browns of the forest she had escaped into.
Her tail flicked slightly as she lifted her head and allowed her sensors to test the air around her. Nothing. She could smell nothing more than dirt and trees. Even so, she hesitated as she took her first step out of the tree cover and into the bare land that was the space between where she was now and the city.

It had taken far too long for the plane to land. Japhith stood outside the lab, speaking to Metta, “Two have been found already? Are you serious?” When Metta nodded, Japhith cursed under his breath, “Alright, I’ll set out for the final one if you don’t mind.” He, of course, didn’t mention that he also didn’t plan on returning the Zver to the lab once he captured it. Though judging by Metta’s words, most of the re-captured Zvers had not been returned either way and had formed strange bonds with humans.
“Huh.” He muttered as he started into the trees, “Forming bonds with humans, sounds like a bunch of hooey to me.” His footsteps were light, silent as he walked, his movements those of a skilled hunter. He didn’t carry much, just a tranquilizer gun slung across his back, a thick chain ending in a metal collar-like strap and a thick metal clip. These, of course, were all he decided he’d need. The final zver looked like a big softie and the chain was strong enough to hold a full grown cougar when attached correctly.

CC1 had been surprised as to how easily she had managed to cross the open space and enter the city. Once there, she wasn’t exactly sure what her plan was. She needed to get away from humans completely, but where to go to find that solitude she didn’t know. Either way she trotted onward, sticking more to the shadows and alleys than anywhere else as she went.
“Doggy!” A little voice shrieked as CC1 poked her head out of an alleyway as she prepared to race across the street. She turned a moment too late and felt about thirty pounds of weight flop across her neck, tiny hands grabbing hold of her ears and pulling, hard.
CC1 raised her head, scooting backward with a threatening hiss. The human child, a male, stared after her with his bottom lip sticking out, tears welling up in his eyes. His hair was thick and messy in appearance, light brown in color. Deep green irises set in his tear-filled eyes disappeared momentarily as tiny fists reached up to rub away the tears. He was thin and dirty, no shoes on his mud darkened feet. Had he been abandoned? He couldn’t have been much older than four and at such a young age there was no way he could survive on his own.
Within the few seconds it took her to discern this, the child’s tears had disappeared and he was toddling toward her again, arms outstretched, reaching for her. She sat down, flicking her tail forward and stopping the child in his tracks with it, knocking him off balance and causing him to fall and land on his bottom. He giggled and pushed himself to his feet again, grabbing her tail as he did so. She hissed again, adding a low growl this time, hoping to scare him off.
He let go, but didn’t leave, “Bad doggy.” He said in a scolding tone, wagging a stubby finger in her face. “You be nice.”
CC1 was taken aback, who did this child think he was, scolding her? She was at least five times his size! She leaned down so she was face to face with him before baring her teeth and growling.
“Bad doggy!” The child scolded again, flicking her on the nose. It didn’t hurt of course, but she was somewhat startled and jerked her head back. She’d had enough of this, with another hiss, she flicked him with her tail, knocking him down again before starting across the street.

Japhith sighed as the tracks he was following reached the tree line. “She headed for the city.” He grumbled. There were sure to be people who had seen the posters and the generous reward offered for each zver that was returned to the lab. He sped his pace, there was no way he was going to risk someone else catching his prize.
Upon entering the city nearly twenty minutes later, he pursued his lips. “If I were a strange alien beast, where would I go?” He murmured to himself, glancing around quickly. After a long moment, he stalked off into the alley nearest him, keeping his eyes peeled for any sign of the beast.
It seemed like he’d been searching for ages before he finally spotted it, stalking across the road, a young child toddling along behind it. He cursed, reaching for his tranquilizer before realizing that shooting it in the middle of the road would be pointless and a bit dangerous since passing cars would be unlikely to stop if she was unconscious, they’d probably think she was dead. Either way, he watched, unsure if the zver knew the child was following it.

“Doggy!” CC1’s ears twitched as she turned back. The child was running after her, his bottom lip poking out in a pout as he tried to catch up. She was about to dart away when the boy tripped and fell, scraping up his hands and knees as he landed. He sat there bewildered for a moment before he started to bawl.
Letting out a breath that could only be described as a sigh, she walked over to where he sat and lifted him to his feet by the back of his shirt. Nudging him back to the sidewalk, she started across the street again, intent on getting out of the city. She didn’t get far, however, before she felt a sharp pain in her shoulder. She suddenly felt weak, her legs gave out beneath her and she looked up to see a large man walking toward her, a gun in hand.

As Japhith reached the zver, now tranquilized and unconscious, the child lurched over to it, laying across the creature as if trying to protect it. “Outta the way kid, that’s a dangerous animal.”
The boy turned around, looking up at the man with wide eyes, “No. My doggy! You hurted him!”
Japhith knelt beside the boy, “Where’s your mom kiddo? I’d say it’s about time you get home.”
“Don’t have a mommy. Don’t have a daddy. Don’t wanna go back to the orph’nage.” He crossed his arms and sulked, sitting down on CC1’s side as he glared at the man.
Japhith sighed, shaking his head, “Well kid, you’ve got to go back, it’s not safe for someone as young as you out here.”

{Unfinished, but I need to do my homework and it's about time for forms for her to be judged anyway}
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Re: Zvers: V2 (or maybe it's 3...) Open, first set up

Postby Irios Atelis » Thu Jan 19, 2012 2:41 pm

She should totally be yours!
I love your form ^^
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Re: Zvers: V2 (or maybe it's 3...) Open, first set up

Postby Metallic Dragon » Thu Jan 19, 2012 2:48 pm

Any more opinions? I want to be completely sure
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Re: Zvers: V2 (or maybe it's 3...) Open, first set up

Postby Azure23 » Thu Jan 19, 2012 2:48 pm

[-suddenly feels as if own form was inadequate-
I really love it! I think you deserve to get this Zver. I really love the story and I love the kid. It is sooo cute. If you decided to get her, I wanna read some more on this. :3
]
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Re: Zvers: V2 (or maybe it's 3...) Open, first set up

Postby Metallic Dragon » Thu Jan 19, 2012 3:12 pm

Yeah, I definitely plan on finishing the story. I just had math homework to do and I couldn't wait much longer to do the judging since, well, it's getting late.
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Re: Zvers: V2 (or maybe it's 3...) Open, first set up

Postby Nyxeva » Thu Jan 19, 2012 3:35 pm

I loved your story, but I'm not really fond of setting up the personality like that. To me, a personality can't really be described by listing a few words and then explaining them. =/
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Re: Zvers: V2 (or maybe it's 3...) Open, first set up

Postby Metallic Dragon » Thu Jan 19, 2012 3:38 pm

Yeah, I've never been good at writing out personalities for anything. Any suggestions?
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Re: Zvers: V2 (or maybe it's 3...) Open, first set up

Postby Azure23 » Thu Jan 19, 2012 3:40 pm

[I actually liked how you did the personalities. >> I'm weird like that though and I pretty much do the same thing just in paragraph form. ]
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Re: Zvers: V2 (or maybe it's 3...) Open, first set up

Postby Nyxeva » Thu Jan 19, 2012 3:49 pm

In my mind, it would probably be better to organize it into a few paragraphs, rather than a list. I think it's kind of distracting to read a grocery list of traits and definitions. Flesh her out a little, show how she reacts to things, her opinion of her partner/handler, her fears, her strong points, her faults [very important, every characters has a few flaws] etc. etc.

Of course, what you do in the end is up to you. ouo
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Re: Zvers: V2 (or maybe it's 3...) Open, first set up

Postby Metallic Dragon » Thu Jan 19, 2012 3:54 pm

I understand what you're saying Bear. That's always been the weak point of forms I use, I am terrible at explaining things unless the character is completely developed in my head. I generally don't have enough time to completely develop them before the judging day so my personalities end up being little more than an outline. As she becomes more developed through my story-telling, her personality should evolve and become more fleshy and complete
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