I just don't even know what to do with myself.
Life's improving. The semester is over. I passed all my classes (barely). And yet here I am, still super depressed and scared of school. I've seriously considered hurting myself and have tried (unsuccessfully). My dad doesn't understand at all. He only yells at me to be better at everything. My mom's the one I get depression from, and even though she's more sensitive to it she doesn't defend me at all. "HOW COULD YOU MANAGE TO GET A C IN THAT CLASS, BODIE?! YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE B*TCH! I SHOULD KICK YOU OUT!" Direct quote from my father. My mom sits there and does NOTHING. I know I'm the least favorite. My brother gets away with EVERYTHING. He was failing like 3 of his classes last year. "Ricky, do better in that class. >:I" That's the worst he got. With me, it's full on blowouts about how much of a failure and slob I am.
You know what, guys? I'm fed up with this. I've considered suicide, to be honest. Running away, too. It just never ends. ;~; I wish someone in real life knew all this about me. In fact, one person does. The guy that completely ignores me because my friends decided to ruin our already fragile relationship, telling me it was a "process". MAYBE I DON'T WANT TO BE HIS GIRLFRIEND YOU FREAKING IDIOTS. Maybe I just want to be friends because he's like a brother to me. I already got forced to ask him out once, in June. Finally, just after recovering friendship, they ruined it again. After I'd told him how depressed and fragile I was.
TL;DR, my life's pretty great but everyone around me is a jerk who can't even begin to understand the depth of my feelings.
This rant feels whiny and long winded and thinking about all this has made me shake with rage and ruined my good mood. ;n;
seperate rant:
Did a bunch of my posts just get deleted? O_O