WarriorCat33 wrote:
If anyone has time, could you please read through this and offer any suggestions? Thank you to all that do.
Really nice work! *sigh* I love Romeo and Juliet type stories.

WarriorCat33 wrote:
If anyone has time, could you please read through this and offer any suggestions? Thank you to all that do.
Elsewhere wrote:I would like to adopt!
Number:4
Picture:
Name:Abikanile
Species:black backed jackal/dog
Personality: Being kept in a closed in space for the beginning of her life, as it seems to Abi, she always has been alone. Really, she just doesn't want anyone to talk too, so she talks to herself. She likes talking to herself. She can be sweet but Abikanile is very stand-offish. She feels she can almost not trust anyone. The only soul in her life is her own, does she regret that she left her tribe? Not at all. That she left her family that they thought she loved them when really, she hated being with so many life forms? No.
Abikainile meaning 'listen' in her tribal tongue, fits with her personality very well, if she happens to find someone that she can talk to and not feel utterly queasy, Abi could listen to that someone as long as they wanted. Her personality would take a walk down a new road. But, so far, no one has passed that test. As for now the only thing that Abikanile listens to is the wind and rustle of leaves.
Abikanile's heart is not made out of pure stone, as I said before, she can be sweet. Her soft spot is probably human children. The people who kept her siblings had a human child. Whom Abi adored, the little humans sounds would even make the young jackal/dog's heart burst with love. Love is one of the many rare feelings that have passed in Abi's life. It seems that only that chubby child made her heart melt. Who knows if it was just that child? or just any little human?
Abi's blind eye does not stop her. Even though it may be at a moment where she wishes she didn't ever appear on earth,
it doesn't really mind her as much as it would to someone. Sometimes when she is sleeping Abikanile can see in her dreams through both of her eyes. The jackal/dog can look at her right side without turning her entire head.
Likes:
Leaves. Abi loves the sound that they make as she steps on them with her paws, the colors that they are in the autumn and the movement of them as the leaves catch a ride a brisk wind.
She loves snow. She loves it when her paw makes the first print in the thick white blanket. Her paws don't mind the cold, for her brain tells her not to worry about the freezing perspiration.
Dislikes:
Abi hates really crowded places. Like, if she was in a room with sixteen people she would just find a way to get out. She would freak out and constantly try to get away.
The smell of paint kills her, Abi just hates the smell of paints. The toxic fumes sinking in her fur and sifting into her nose? Ew. After she is around paint, Abi bolts to the closest water and douses herself with it until the smell is gone.
Another dislike she has, is the smell of blood. For some reason, it hits off emotions for her. She feels the emotion of that the animal/person felt when they were dying.
Background:
"Abi? Abi get over here now!" Her mother hissed at the young pup which was scratching at the door of the warm hut. "But Mum! Theirs snow outside!" The jackal mother had been bred with one of the tribal dogs. A terrible breeding, for it gave off effects to her pups. Abikanile received a blind eye, Dakarai's back foot was clubbed and Gamba had only one ear. Abi didn't seem to be bothered by her eye, but Dakarai and Gamba's problems were almost killing them. Abi didn't give a crap about her brothers at all. Finally, when Abi was a little older, she was allowed out of the crowded hut. She breathed in the fresh air. She didn't talk at all. Not to anyone, not even her family. In fact, Abi's family scared her. She was scared of her own family. Somehow, that didn't feel right to her. It wasn't her fault that she didn't like to talking to anyone. Anyways, even if she tried to talk to other animals or people, Abi would instantly feel sick. The young mammal would puke in an corner. Abi walked into the brush near the tribal camp, there were leaves everywhere. She pounced happily on one and heard the crunch of the leaves bones. She did this for a while until she heard a squeak then complete silence. The young female padded towards the sound. What did she find? A dead mouse. In a puddle of blood. She leaned over, sniffed the red substance and her pink nose crinkled "Yucky" Abikanile then got the strangest sensation to lick some of the blood. She did so, a crowd of pictures and feelings washed over her. It was a feeling. Abi realized that her neck fur was standing on end. The emotion was fright. That was when she discovered that, she, Abikanile could feel emotions of life forms, just by tasting their blood.
I'm going to work on more later, I'm so tired right now -__-
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