Tough as Nails Adoption (Closed for renovations!)

[Theophilus]

You just said i can't critique it, so i'll just say this instead;
That's amazing capri and i need you're writing skills.

NUUU.
How am I supposed to be epic without them?

kitten: The only issue I have with it is the background is a great big wall of text, which makes it v ery hard to read.

[BlissfulFarrago]

Yes, what Capri said. Walls of text scramble my eyes. =_=

[! october]

I would like to adopt!
Number: #1
Picture:
Name: Pylon (female)
Species: Dog

Personality: Pylon is a bit of a show-off, she has very high self-esteem. She is always setting ridiculous goals for herself, and often manages to pull them off. She enjoys being the center of attention and respected. She's very smart, and always has a witty comment to throw at you. On the outside, she can seem unfriendly and cold. However, she's totally unlike that towards her friends. Inside, she has feelings, worries, and love. She doesn't make friends easily, she's very untrusting. But if you manage to penetrate her steely outside, you would make the friend you could ever have.

Likes: Being part of a group, her friend Warrior, history, learing, intelligence, being the best out of everyone. She also treasures her beaded necklace and snake bracelet.
Dislikes: Those who are better than her at something, those who are lazy, everyone who she doesn't consider her friend. She also dislikes being ignored.

Background: Pylon grew up in a dog pack in Africa, where it was totally normal to have markings like those. She hunted and trained to be a full-member, along with her friend, Warrior. Warrior was her best friend, though she never acted like it, worried that other members would tease her. Her training was almost finished, she had passed the history course with flying colors. It was only a few nights before the ceremony would take place, when the Leader of their pack recieved a haunting prophecy from the packs' ancestors. Apparently, two young dogs would rise up to destroy and take over their peaceful pack. The leader decided that the two dogs in the prophecy were Pylon and Warrior, so he decided to banish them. The two puppies were brutally taunted and abused when the pack found out. They were escorted far away to a desert, where they were abandoned with no place to go. The pack celebrated at this, and eventually the other two puppies in training were made full-members. It turned out that Warrior and Pylon weren't the dogs in the prophecy. The two new members ended up causing a revolt inside that pack, killing many dogs and disbanding the pack. However, Warrior and Pylon found this out much later. They were forced to survive in the desert, facing death many times. They had many more adventures, including getting lost in a tomb, facing a rival pack of dogs, being tracked by a pride of lions, and staying alive. They had to face the world alone, struggling with the beliefs that they would have destroyed their beloved pack. They also had to deal with their feelings for each other, which only made their journey harder. After months and months, they met a surviving member of their old pack, who told them that they hadn't been the dogs in the prophecy. This cleared up all their worries and troubles, and allowed them to start their own life. Eventually they became mates, trecking across Africa, still trying to find their perfect home.

I would LOVE to be able to write story about this, what's written above is only the summary. The character "Warrior" is actually this wolf:


The summary of the story above was origionally intended to be only about Warrior, but when I saw Pylon, I knew that she was the second character I had been looking for. I would love for her to be Warrior's partner.



Here's a sample of the story and my writing techniques.
(first person, Pylon's point of view, present tense)

..... Running, running, running, dust rising around my paws, so dark that I can't even make out Warrior's red pelt in front of me. My necklace thumps against my chest, and I feel slightly comforted by it's presence.
"Stop!" Warrior shouts above the grating noise. I dig my paws into the ground to stop myself, and pad forward to stand next to my friend. He holds his tail out to stop my from going any farther. In the place that we've stopped there's a tiny slit in the roof far above, letting in some sunlight. I can make out Warrior's blue eyes, wide with fear as he stares down. I peer down too, into nothing. An Abyss. We've come all this way, and we're stopped by a hole in the ground. The grating noise becomes louder, and I know that there's not much time before this cursed tomb collaspses...


Thanks for reading,

~Warrior

Should I try to add anything? Does anyone think it would help if I put in part of the story I want to write? Critique me, please!

[kitten5862]

I would like to adopt!
Number: 8
Picture:
Name: Kisha
Species: Moon Wolf

Personality: Kisha is always alert. She is very cautious and is always alert at the things that are happening at the moment. Kisha is very strong and also determined. She was left to fend for herself when she was at the helpless age of only 1 year old. She lived by herself for almost 8 years. It was hard but she was determined enough to make it through and teach herself how to catch fish, kill squirrels and do everything else that is a necessity to life.

Likes: Kisha loves the moon. She was born on the moon and lived on the moon for almost 8 years.She also loves her parents. Her parents had saved her from being taken by people. She also just loves snow! She likes the way it melts after is softly and slowly falls on your tongue. She like to chew on icicles when they form on the tree branches on a cold and bitter winter day. She likes her power to hypnotize others. She loves it especially when she is in trouble or danger.

Dislikes: Kisha hates humans. It all started when she was 1. Humans came to the moon and took all of the moon wolves except for her because her parents saved her from the humans.

Background/Life:

Kisha has a strong love for the moon. Some think she was actually born on the moon. This thought is really true. She was born on the moon and she never has told anyone about it. No one would ever find out unless she decided to tell them. When someone asks her if she was, she will try to do anything to get off of the subject.

When Kisha was 1 year old she lived with her parents on the moon. But then her parents left her because there was a terrible incident that happened when she turned 1. There were people in weird suits that came and started to take all of the wolves that lived on the moon back down to a planet called “Earth”. Even thought that day was really fuzzy for Kisha, she still remembers her mom and dad telling her that they loved her and wrapped her up in a soft blanket and placed her carefully nestled in a closet. They did this for her so the people couldn’t find her and take her away with the rest of them. Kisha’s parents would have done the same, but they knew that they would never fit in there. Her parents had left her and after 1 hour, Kisha cautiously sneaked out from the closet in were she was placed. She came out to find that there was no wolf and the fresh moon air was still. It was so quit Kisha started to get scared and she could even hear a cricket chirping up a storm next to a nearby pond. She knew everyone she knew and loved dearly was gone. She even caught a quick glance of one of the space ships and it was headed down to “Earth”. She had a feeling her parents were in that one and it was now gone. Kisha knew she would have to go down to this so called “Earth” and search for her parents. But at the moment she was a young, helpless little pup. She would have to find a way to survive and get stronger on the now deserted moon. Kisha set off to find a source of water and food, as she knew where to seek shelter. So she went exploring and found a good sized spring in a small forest next to the cave of where she lived in for shelter. In the spring she found small fish of which she feed off of. Kisha also knew the plants of the forest pretty well. She knew which ones were poisonous and those that were edible. She kept up with this routine for the next 5 years.


She was 6 and Kisha was very strong and now was eating squirrels and other small mammals she managed to find. Kisha to the small house where she used to live. She found a beautiful beautiful necklace on the ground. It was a pretty cresant moon on a silver thread. She remembered seeing her mom wear it a lot before. But the weird thing was that the moon and tread were so beautiful and shinny and it was 5 years since her parents left the moon. It looked as if it has just gotten placed there that day. She knew her mom has treasured it so Kisha scooped it up carefully and slipped it around her neck. She continued living on the moon but when she turned 7 she knew she had to somehow make her way down to “Earth”. In the next year she was planning for her trip down the “Earth”. Kisha went exploring and found something. Something that would help her a lot. She found a spaceship. It must have been left on accident by the people. It looked like it would work fine, so Kisha cautiously stepped into the open spaceship. She looked around and saw that it had many buttons and blinking things.


It was in great condition but needed some final touches and then may work. Kisha spent the next 4 days fixing it up. On the end of the 4th day she was finished and just needed to put some of her items in the storage room. She was finished and tomorrow she would be leaving the moon to go down to Earth. It was now the day she had to leave the moon. Kisha was excited but also sad, because she had to leave the moon and that is where she has lived for almost 8 years. She then decided to visit the moon once a year. It was hard to leave the moon but Kisha raced into her spaceship and flew down to Earth. It took her a day to reach earth. She landed in a big field. Kisha quickly raced out from the spaceship to make sure no one saw this happen. And just her luck there was no one in the field yet. So Kisha went back in the spaceship for another hour and then came out. She spotted some people walking dogs. Kisha growled at the people and some of them that were nearby looked up. A few of the men came racing towards her. Kisha had to act quick as she knew she was in danger. She made up her mind and darted off towards a small house she could see in the distance. She stopped running when she reached the house, as she knew she had lost the group of people.


Her heart was pounding and she could hardly breathe. As soon as Kisha could breathe right, she set off to explore a forest she could see nearby. She could hear a waterfall lapping the water in a spring. Then Kisha heard odd noises coming from the left, right, behind her, and even in a tree above her. Then the creatures showed themselves. They had big, sharp teeth that were showing. They were growling at Kisha. She was startled and frightened at them. Kisha knew they were a pack of angry wolves. And she knew that they were mad because she had crossed into their pack's territory. Kisha didn't want any trouble so she tried to dart off but noticed that she was surrounded by them. Then a wolf that was almost twice the size of Kisha jumped down from the tree right above her head. He was the leader of the pack and he landed right in front of her. He studied her over and knew she was not part of his pack, and she was just a trespasser. He looked really mad and asked her why she was in their territory. He said it in a mad and mean voice. "I,I'm not from around here". Kisha stuttered. The wolf didn't know what she meant. Kisha stared at him and he hit the ground as soon as he looked into her eye. Awesome! Kisha whispered to herself. She did this to the rest of the pack till they all were asleep.


That was when Kisha figured out she had a power. A power that could hypnotize others when Kisha and the other wolf stared each other in the eye. But they would have to look in the eye with the swirl on it to be hypnotized. Then Kisha saw little white things fall from the sky. It got really cold outside and the white things were even colder! Kisha didn't know what this was because she had never experienced this on the moon. Kisha didn't even know it was winter because on the moon, there was no seasons. She heard a little girl from a nearby cabin yell "Yey its snowing!" Kisha then knew this weird white stuff was really snow! She trotted up behind the cabin to listen to what they were saying. They said that it was now the first day of Winter. Kisha now knew it was now Winter and heard them say something about an icicle. Kisha noticed something that was clear, but very cold. Kisha licked it but her tongue got stuck on it! Kisha was very scared as she knew the humans were coming out soon. She clawed at the icicle, yet nothing happened. She gave it a hard tug. The icicle gave out and she was free. She ran as fast as she could to get away from the cabin. When she turned back, she saw the little girl come outside. Kisha got away just in time.

Kisha wears a blue collar. She didn't have it until it was her 3rd day on Earth. On that day she decided to go find one. She wanted one because she saw every dog wearing them. People thought she was a husky. Kisha didn't want others to think she was a wolf, or others would try to kill her. She walked around in the woods at night and went to look at the cabin. She noticed the lights were on and saw some shadows of people walking around in there. She noticed a pretty blue collar on the ground on her way to the cabin. She picked it up and it was made out of leather. There also was a small charm of a moon. On the moon charm said Kisha. Kisha was amazed that it had her name on it and a moon! She looked up in the cool winter sky and saw the stars were brighter then they used to be. And the moon was glowing beautifully and it was a cresent moon.

Is this any better?

[! october]

Much better.

[wibeke]

Well i failed... so many grammar and spelling mistakes. And i hate the way i wrote this...
Oh well, I did my best.

viewtopic.php?f=10&t=53904&p=1716501#p1716501

[Theophilus]

Well i failed... so many grammar and spelling mistakes. And i hate the way i wrote this...
Oh well, I did my best.

viewtopic.php?f=10&t=53904&p=1716501#p1716501

alsfasdf
THAT'S EPIC

[wibeke]

It is?
I thought it only made sense in my head. If you could understand it enough to call it epic though, then thank you. =D

[Xanre]

I would like to adopt!
Number: 7
Picture:
Name: Lanturi
Species: Jackal/Living Statue
Personality: The spirit that occupies Lanturi's "body" is still quite young, therefore Lanturi is curious about the world, roaming from place to place with no true home. Lanturi has no gender, but refers to herself as female on a regular basis. She tends to be shy around other animals, but strives to be accepted as a normal living being. She is new to the concept of 'friendship', but she does know how it feels to care for another, and will become aggressive towards anything that threatens someone or something she loves. She is very wise and knows a great deal about the Spirit World, having spent so much time there.
Likes: Lanturi feels a special connection to the temple where she was "born". She visits the temple several times every year, unable to simply forsake it and move on. The temple, which was abandoned long ago, is now Lanturi's sacred place.
Lanturi loves the night, as it was the night goddess who first gave her the name "Lanturi", and therefore gave her a place in the world. Night is the time when she is strongest, and on nights with a full moon, Lanturi is able to heal her companions and, very rarely, bring someone back to life.
Lanturi is an avid traveler. She traverses the world to learn more about the magnificent creatures that inhabit it. She is very curious, often getting herself into sticky situations that would have brought about the severe injury or demise of another creature.
Lanturi is constantly trying new things, wanting to experience her life to the fullest. Her favorite things are constantly changing due to her experiences.
Dislikes: Lanturi does not hate malicious spirits and living beings; she fears them. She knows a stronger spirit can take possession of her new body and drive her out or even put an end to her existence. Evil creatures made of flesh and blood can not do as much damage to her, but she can sense their ferocity and it frightens her.
Lanturi also dislikes bright sunlight, as it hurts her eyes. Lanturi's eyes are more suited for the night, and are extremely sensitive to changes in the brightness of the sky. If the moon passes behind a cloud for even a second, Lanturi can detect the slight change. If they are exposed to harsh, bright sunlight for too long, their sensitivity will be worn down until her eyes function about the same as any other diurnal creature.
Background: Lanturi is, in truth, a statue possessed by a spirit. This spirit, for some reason, never received a name or a body, and lingered in the spirit world for what seemed an eternity. The spirit constantly visited the Earth, but longed to be able to make contact with the wonderful creatures that roamed there.

One day, the young spirit visited a long-abandoned temple at the heart of a huge jungle. This temple was home to thousands of beautiful, lifelike carvings of various animals. Twin jackal statues sat guard at the circular, tunnel-like entrance to the temple. The beauty and grace of these jackals made the young spirit almost sick with despair that it had never received a beautiful body.

Then, suddenly, an idea struck the spirit. It twined itself around one of the jackals' legs and snaked up its lithe body. It took possession of the statue via its mouth, forcing its way into the hard, cold stone. A spark of light appeared in the jackal's black, gaping eye sockets. Glowing marks appeared all over the jackal's head, limbs, back and tail, signifying the spirit's presence. The ribbons which were tied around the statue's hind legs and tail remained. The ribbons had been bound to the statue long ago by ancient worshippers during the Festival of the Jackal, and signified godliness, wisdom, and long life. The jackal, an animal frequently celebrated by the ancients, had a status close to that of a deity. Jackals were thought to have a close bond to the spirit world, sometimes acting as messengers between spirits and humans.

The living statue rose, shook itself, and looked around. Somehow, seeing the world through the eyes of something 'living' was different than viewing it as a disembodied spirit. The jackal was overjoyed. Finally, she could touch and smell the world around her! She bounded around the temple's courtyard, grateful to at last have a body, but after a while, she began to grow weary. What..is this? thought the spirit. Never before has this happened? Why am I suddenly so weak? Then it dawned on her: as a living being, she must experience fatigue, the pangs of hunger, thirst, and sickness. But it was a small price to pay for the wonderful sensation of being alive. She walked slowly back to the temple to rest. As she wandered back to the entrance of the temple, she noticed a patch of moonlight illuminating a small circle of ancient script that surrounded the base of the other jackal statue.

"Lanturi?" she breathed. A sudden gust of wind shook her. "Lanturi, Lanturi," the breeze whispered. "You shall take this ancient word as a name." The wind died down, and Lanturi was left gazing silently at the moon, as if thanking the night goddess for her new name.

Critique, please? Some parts of it sound kind of awkward, but I'm not sure how I should change it around.

Wibeke: Okay, wow. I'm glad I'm not going for the plague hound. That background's really well written, actually.

And everyone else - all these great background stories are really fun to read! ^^

[Missy]

If anyone says this is epic, I shall get that fish and slap you myself x.x this is my worst one yet, I doubt it will be accepted.

That isn't epic. That is AMAZING, absolutely. Dude... gahhh STOP MAKING MEH JEALOUS.

making YOU jelous? You do know your form is gonna win, don't you?


*looks around* where's my fish?!? WIB!!