CaliDutchess wrote:I'm hurting so bad right now. B says he loves my close friend so much. Just now, he cried for the first time in ten years, and it was because he's convinced he'll never get my friend. Him crying made me cry. Ever since I've started loving him, he's the only thing that can cause me to cry. I love him so much, and it hurts so bad to see him in so much pain because off my close friend not liking him back.
Now, his step-dad won't let him out of the house again. All I want is for him to be happy, so I'm going to come up with a plan to get him out. It makes me so happy to see his smile, but it hurts so bad to see him upset. He said he'd die happy if he could just hold her and she said she loves him. That stung so, so much. It's exactly how I feel about him. Sometimes, I hate how he's so honest with me. I'm the only one he's able to communicate with, though. I have no clue what to do or how to feel now, and I'm crying again because he's so upset.
Ohhh, honey, I feel so bad for you right now. And I know it's no consolation right now, but it will work out, things will get better, if it's meant to be, it'll be.
Why do guys I like keep showing up in my life? There's Logan, who I've had a crush on for almost three years now (it's complicated right now, not going to go into detail right now), he and one of his brothers were at public swimming yesterday right before speed swimming. Then there's Josh, who I liked two years ago and finally actually got over this year, only to like him again (I'm finally over him now, hopefully for good.), who I have seen twice in the past 20 hours (once with his shirt off, dang he's been working out or something, cuz he looks nicer than he used to. Which I guess still isn't actually that hot. And it could've just been because it was dark). And Morgan, who I've had small crushes on at a couple points in my life, was with Josh and another guy from my class when they biked/skateboarded shirtless by my place last night. Morgan was the one who called out to me. And Stephen, who I had a miniscule crush on last year, was at the pool this morning during lane swim. I didn't even realize it was him until me and Chelsea, one of the lifeguards, were talking about ages for taking all your Red Cross courses, and Chelsea asked him a question, and then my brain was just like "Oh. That skinny kid swimming beside me all morning was Stevie. Hmm." And there's Ryan, my best friend and more or less my first serious crush, who lives in Calgary and is probably coming to visit next week, after not seeing him for two years. Yeesh. Not that I'm complaining. I'm still pretty good with all these guys, except maybe Josh, we've always had kind of a weird relationship. But Logan and I have always had a pretty friendly, if a little bit shy, relationship, and we both have always kind of liked each other, and Morgan's really goofy friendly, and nice to everyone, same with Stephen, and Ryan's still a great friend even though he can probably beat me up now (which is new and disappointing). Just, yeesh.
