TheComfortCorner | V.10

[nobxdy]

dude. how many times do i have to tell my best friend my boundaries? it's like every few months they completely forget what i say and they go back to volunteering me to drive people home from parties, or tells me to sleep over the night before a party to "give them a hand" which usually means im going to be using MY CAR, my gas, and my money to help them. can't believe it. their cousin randomly texts me asking if im going to the party and that they're happy to see me again, but that they might not have a ride home. the ride to this venue they booked is already 55 minutes from my house, and now im expected to drive someone home too? like just stop already.

ugh! that sounds so frustrating. it’s tough when people forget your boundaries, especially when you’ve had to remind them before. you deserve to have your time, energy, and resources respected. i totally get why you’re feeling this way! you’ve been super patient, and it’s okay to feel worn out by it.

thank you for this <3 im considering not going anymore.

edit;
sigh.. this is literally getting to me so bad it's unbelievable. im just beside myself, i don't know what to do. i want to just disappear from their life and pretend they never existed. talking with them has clearly gone in circles so there's no point in talking anymore, it never works. they have changed so much in the past few years it's devastating.

edit 2;
i didn't go. i didn't answer their calls, didn't answer their texts. about to mute + block them. i just want to cry.

[dratio]

Every morning. I wish the shaking and burning would stop.

[-icarus-]

dude how many times do I have to say not to bring him up before my mom gets the freaking memo?? especially because it ALWAYS comes with some level of invalidation for the person I dropped him for (who I dated and still care about deeply) and it's happened so many times now! when does it stop? does it ever? or do I need to verbally put my foot down, risking anger and ostracization?

[JadeJester22]

I'm pretty sure everyone I know who isn't related to me only pretends to like me. Like, okay, I used to think I had a lot of people I was friendly with even if we weren't close, but I'm always the one speaking first, I'm awkward, everything, I don't go out much. I don't think I'm actually close with anybody besides family, really.

[Serious.]

[Me rambling for a while about my stressors so I don't lose my mind. Please excuse me.]

Work is draining the heck out of me </3 came home and slept on the floor for nearly 3 hours, like I am beyond exhausted. It makes me want to cry. I'm in the middle of changing health insurances which is already stressful enough, and I only have a little over 1 week's worth of meds so I'm kinda on a time crunch. But I'm too exhausted in the morning to wake up early enough to make those important phone calls, so I spend my day being angry at myself for not having enough self-control to go to bed at a normal time. But nighttime is also my only time to work on my creative projects, so when I stay up it's to keep myself from going insane. And then I wake up in the morning and have maybe 10 minutes to get ready for work, which is literally my only time I can make my important phone calls, so once I miss that window, I can't get it back until the next day...at least I have my off days to make them. Unfortunately on my most recent off day, I didn't have my new insurance card yet (still don't, actually!!) so I couldn't even start calling people. (I did use that day to go to Panera and chill there for 2 hours, 10/10 might do that again after I finally make my phone calls tbh)

I just want to make sure I have my meds man. My brain and skin will go wild without them. I don't know how much it's gonna cost and that stresses me out too...omg I could go on and on about this stupid insurance stuff it's so deeply stressful for me ;A;

So that's my problem, here is my plan of action....uhhh well hopefully I'll be less exhausted tomorrow so I can research more about my new health insurance (got some info in the mail) and see if it's possible to confirm that I can easily get my med refills. Otherwise I'll wait until my next off day (Tuesday or Wednesday I think?) to make my phone calls. And hopefully by then, I'll get my stupid insurance card with my ID number since I'm assuming they're gonna need that information!!

Imagine me staring pleadingly at the little pixel Robonyan in my signature. Save me Robonyan, save me!!

[BlueEyedKite]

Today marks two years my mom has been gone. I light the candle by her picture. I watch the last video I have of her, it was Christmas. I rewatch the scene where she was so excited about the necklace I got her and turns to my grandma (also recently passed) to say how much she loved it.

I used to go to her favorite restaurant to eat but the place closed down last year. It's probably for the best, the food wasn't that great, I think my mom was just too nice and wanted everyone who worked there to know she loved the food.

She was so good at being friendly and nice to every single person she crossed paths with. The world is darker without her. There are cashiers that are not going to get her smile and sincere questions on how they are doing. There will be no mail carriers that get a friendly wave and told to wait so she can grab them a water bottle.

Oh and the babies!! My mama was a preschool teacher. My whole life she had a pack of babies in her arms, on her lap, clinging to her legs. She was sweet and kind and patient with every little kid. There was not one kid she did not love immensely. Parents would beg and plead to put their kids in her class. They would try and keep their toddlers in her class even when they aged out. My mama was just so good with kids. I did not inherit that level of patience hahaha.

So it’s lost. That unconditional friendliness and care for every child. Gone for two years.

I get sad for myself but also the world on her anniversary because her spirit was irreplaceable. What else can I say.

[stardustreserve]

it’s been nearly a year
when can i finally move on with my life?
what is there to say that would do anything of substance?
i’m tired of endlessly thinking about it
i don’t want to think about anything anymore, i just want it to be over
it’s like it’s always something, but this has been a special kind of torment
usually things get more bearable eventually, but i’m not sure that this ever will
i’m trying to work towards a conclusion, but i just don’t know what would really give me any sort of closure… i don’t think i have ever been hurt so deeply in my life, and i’ve been through a lot
i feel childish and creepy for still thinking about it, like it’s to the point of obsession and i really hate it
there are so many other things i could be and should be thinking about but all i can think about is this
i’ve been trying to distract myself the majority of the time, but even that gets tiring
i’ve been sleeping a lot more lately because sometimes i just don’t want to be awake, or sometimes i’m too tired to do anything
i just don’t know what i could possibly say that would convey how deeply hurt i felt, and still feel
i feel like anything would leave loose ends and it just feels like once it’s said outloud it can’t be undone
there is no redo, i only have one shot

i just… i don’t know how to even feel about like. the meta aspect of it either? like in comparison to other people i feel like i am a lot less forgiving and a lot less kind, like i’m a lot rougher around the edges and it’s extremely difficult to even get any semblance of close to me
and i just wonder why that is
i wonder if it was ever any different
did i use to be kinder, more trusting,… more forgiving, even? i’m not so sure i was ever very forgiving, but
maybe i used to be different
used to be younger
now i’m deeply jaded
to the point where i wonder if healing is even a real thing for me in particular
i just don’t really see how i could heal, it feels like what’s done is done and there’s no going back
at this point, i just wish life had an undo button that i could use endlessly until i finally have a better life, as good as it possibly can get in my circumstances
and i just wish that maybe my brain was better, surely it didn’t have to respond to my life this way - i feel isolated in the deeply bitter and jaded way that i am, it’s to the point of not liking or trusting the majority of people
it feels like people are wired to care about and like other people, so it just feels like something has been fundamentally broken in me and i’m not sure if it is possible for it to be fixed

[viles]

• i found out part of my top surgery scar is keloid. idk. it's not that big of a deal, and overall, i'm very happy and grateful that i had this surgery. i just, idk. it's permanent, unless i seek help from a dermatologist, so i guess i'll get used to it. idk. sometimes it's comforting to be able to feel the bump of my scar, but other times i get self-conscious about it. if i stretch my arms out at all, i can see the outline of my scar through my shirt, which worries me. i am frequently around people that don't know that i'm trans, and so when that happens, i worry about any arm movement causing my scar to be visible. i've started wearing busier shirts so the outline won't be as noticeable, but still.
  
  idk. it's a small thing, and overall, my life has been so drastically improved by surgery that my worries about the keloid feel next to nothing. i just. i had hoped the bump of scar tissue would shrink over time or something.

[♥ mizu]

oh my gosh I think my life is over. We're driving to school in the van, and there are 3 other people: my peer, driver, and teacher. I just yawned and it made a burping noise. I never have had that happen. Omg that was mortifying I will never yawn again

[vi‎ ‎]

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