TheComfortCorner | V.10

[sharky]

Im totally relapsing I'm totally relapsing this is the most scared I've been in so long what do I do I'm so scared

[vi‎ ‎]

i just don't think ill ever be able to make friends or find a friend group. i literally didn't have one, or lost the one i was in, during high school and i just think im too off-putting and awkward for anyone to like me.i honestl hate mysself college is so freakin sucky i knew it was going to suck ass and i was right

[medikament]

my dad has been in the icu for the past couple of days and he's not doing well at all. my mind feels fogged all the time wondering what is happening when i'm not there. i do have friends that i love very much but i don't believe we are close enough for me to share information like this, so it feels a bit lonely in a sense? it feels strange going to work and not having any clue on if my father will wake up the next day

[Rox_ Show]

why am i like this. why cant i just stop this.
please. i dont want to keep doing this. i cant.
i have too much to do. i cant keep feeling
like this. please. i cant make them happy
like this. im too much of a wimp like this.
too fragile. too weak. too sensitive. cant
do anything myself. too clingy.

please, i cant keep doing this. someone
take this part of me away and bury it in a
chest at the bottom of the sea. please.
let me stop suffering like this.

please.

and dont give me the whole 'its good for
you, its healthy, its normal' speach. i just,
i cant do it in good mind. theres been too
many times ive been hurt about it. too many
times ive been shamed for it, now im too
scared to express anything about it. too
scared to feel it. too scared to give it any
thought. but its, always there. creeping
in the back of my mind. threatening to
take over. threatening to ruin everything.

i just want to be held by my mother, told
everything is gonna be okay, held and told
im loved. ive done nothing wrong. that
im perfect the way i am. accepted for it.
not screamed at and told im too old for
this. yelled at for acting like this. yelled
at for having something that brings me
comfort. have it taken and thrown away.

sorry for the long post.

[♥ mizu]

I am in so much pain this might be the worst week ever. I had a thing frozen off my foot this morning. My cycle also started this morning. Those two things, combined with the chronic stress I've been having and my dad being an actual idiot made everything come to a head

I fainted and landed face first on the concrete. Like I as out before I hit the ground. Didn't brace myself at all. Full impact on the side of my head. I have a nasty scratch and bruise. The doctor says I'm fine. But I'm so freaking grateful for that because of how hard the hit was, my dad says. I didn't feel it. I just remember going outside and then opening my eyes and being on the ground.

I'm in a lot of pain, seriously. Everything hurts. On one hand my weight contributed to my lightheadedness, which I've always had, but it's also a bit of a blessing in this situation. If more weight had been exerted I to my temple I feel this could've been worse

But seriously I'm in. So much pain. Face is swollen. Foot hurts. Cramps cramping. Dad wants me to go to school tomorrow, says I have to. I'm not gonna. I'm not. This is hell. Dad you are literally part of the reason this happened

[sinensys]

i feel so foolish. you weren't using me, you were just touch starved. and i am too, but i was scared by that revelation. so i backpedaled and tried to withdraw. you held on. tonight you messaged that you can't do this anymore and now the guilt has come creeping in. i want to push you into not isolating like you have been, but not so much that you are overwhelmed by me and cut me out indefinitely. it's not ideal, but neither of us are stable. this might not be you talking, and i can't say that to you directly. the same way you didn't say that to me directly half a week ago.

this hurts. why do human connections hurt this way? i've forgotten how it feels.

[OKULTRA]

it'll be .. 6 months before i can see my dentist ...even tho my teeth are rotting and i am in pain ..........okayyyyy..........?

[FNAF]

im so alone i just want to curl up and cry and cry and cry i dont want to come back there. idk why i got my hopes up and thought uni would be any different. i dont get how liteally everyone seems to have friends already and im the only one left alone. literally will forever be the invisible loser at the back of the class with no friends and who's name nobody even knows lol

[beignet]

i miss her...
but she's so far away...

i feel wrong for feeling this way but i can't help it.
i wish she were here so i could hug her.

[♥ mizu]

i am so freaking frustrated and angry. i shouldn't be dealing with this. i should be recovering from a head injury. it hurts. it was literally monday. and yet mom is already back from being oh-so-motherly to being a total dang jerk (nice language).

i put in my laundry a few hours ago while her and dad were out. they got back maybe 45 minutes ago or so? i don't know, my laundry was still going. i have school tomorrow because i "absolutely need to go". mom has been angry since she got home for whatever reason.

she comes banging on my door demanding me to get my "junk out of the dryer" because i'm "hogging it". first of all.. i'm not? why do you specifically need the dryer when you could've run it before you left? i have a load from the washer that needs to go in.

so i go into the living room to ask that question. i had an edge obviously because she was being a jerk and.. who would respond to her tone positively anyway? so she starts getting super testy with me and i just. i've had it. i'm in pain already and i NEED to rest. so i yelled at the top of my lungs for her to stop giving me attitude because she a) has no reason to, and b) has no authority to anymore.

that made her super angry and she came up really close to me. i thought she was going to hit me for a moment, because she has before. i think she rethought it considering i already have a head injury. but dad was UNHAPPY. he absolutely does not understand that she was the one giving me attitude. he said i was the one who was yelling.. of course i was?!?! am i supposed to just accept her idiocy? i'm freaking sick of her. i hate her.

it's always over laundry. i do maybe a few loads per week. i haven't washed those clothes in a week since i haven't been wearing them. i haven't even used the machines in so long. like, what the hell is your problem? she ALWAYS has something going. i'm sick of this. i'm going to call my sister and be angry with her.

update; sister helped :thumbsup: