TheComfortCorner | V.10

[Starryfox]

I feel devastated, I wish I had a family that loved and cared for me instead of being so cruel. Tired of being alone, I feel like I have nobody in this world and it breaks my heart

[demodog]

still just worried if im doing something wrong,

i also ate a donut and now i feel sick, im scared of being sick
i also also made somethings im waiting to show my partner once he wakes up so thats nice.

[♥ mizu]

I'm so freaking hungry it's drowning out all my other thoughts. My stomach hurts so bad

[OKULTRA]

this month is becoming unbearable. he's not coming like he said he was, he's not saying i love you when he hangs up anymore, he doesn't want to listen to me talk. i don't know what i'm doing this for cause i can't go on without him but i think he already has gone on without me. i've exhausted talking to everyone/everywhere i'm comfortable with and it's becoming redundant and unproductive. i don't know what to do anymore. im in a hole and i tried my best to get out but i've just fallen further in
edit: he says im just too depressive this last month and its bumming him out ... im. sorry i have depression? ... i guess it is true i don't know how to cope. i don't. i'm trying to tell myself i have to get better for him. but it's like rowing a canoe with no paddle. i've done everything i can

[tenderly]

this month is becoming unbearable. he's not coming like he said he was, he's not saying i love you when he hangs up anymore, he doesn't want to listen to me talk. i don't know what i'm doing this for cause i can't go on without him but i think he already has gone on without me. i've exhausted talking to everyone/everywhere i'm comfortable with and it's becoming redundant and unproductive. i don't know what to do anymore. im in a hole and i tried my best to get out but i've just fallen further in
edit: he says im just too depressive this last month and its bumming him out ... im. sorry i have depression? ... i guess it is true i don't know how to cope. i don't. i'm trying to tell myself i have to get better for him. but it's like rowing a canoe with no paddle. i've done everything i can

Saying I love you, wanted to be listened to are reasonable requests and you don't have to feel bad about yourself for that! we all have our ups and downs, and partners are here to support each other. Don’t blame yourself for wanting emotional support. if you are having a hard time, maybe finding a therapist would help you. Perhaps if you feel more like yourself you can communicate better with the people around you.

[DuckquackQUACK]

idk why im here... can't think of why i would be here... im not even sad of anything...

[vist]

im so tired of being a sorry excuse of a person,.
i want to do better, i want to be better,

i’m just so tired of hearing how much of a burden i am,.

[_SmollJellyfish_]

Ugh, I feel so frustrated and sad
I felt like I was back in elementary school or any other time in general. Seeing everyone succeeding at a simple task and then there's you, failing, always failing.
I no longer believe in the phrase "each of us has their own time" it's just a phrase to try to cheer me up, I know it's not the truth
EVERY TIME, EVERY SINGLE TIME, I fail, always.
Every time I try something nothing works, I always fail
No matter how many times I try again, or persist, I always fail
It's so frustrating, you feel so wrong compared to others
I just want tonight and tomorrow to pass quickly I feel so sad now
I just hope my mom doesn't catch me crying

[marinara sauce]

just need to rant bc this is absolutely ridiculous, i’m extremely irritated & i have no one else to rant to rn lol

my phones totally cracked and i made a claim to my insurance i get thru my phone provider and they said i have to ship my phone out to be fixed and i just simply need to be without a phone for 5 days?? which is impossible for me, i have important things to tend to on my phone. and every single other time i’ve made a claim for the past 5 years i’ve had this insurance they just send a replacement phone to my house and i ship my broken one to them once i receive the other. that makes the most logical sense, no?? so why did they all of a sudden change to this insensible policy?? i just had to spend nearly two hours of my life on several calls w this insurance and apparently on their end they can’t change or cancel the claim at all?? and i have to wait 60 days to file a new claim?? excuse me but why. 😭😭 they said i could get a loaner phone from a nearby carrier store but i just called them too and they don’t carry loaner phones and have also never heard of the insurance company doing that before. why me. -_-

[kotak]

just need the pain to be over <3 make me numb make me angry, anything but hurt please, i just need this pain to stop being my primary experience of every day, i want to rest and i want to stop waking up in panic and i want all of the eyes i can feel on me to go away and leave me alone but i can’t take feeling this lonely anymore

i feel completely isolated again, the same way i felt all throughout my childhood. i’m so stupid for thinking that’s not how i’ll always be. when i wasn’t feeling this way a lot of memories were concealed from me but now i see i’m the same sad child. this place is familiar - not like home but like a cold wind that’s already gotten me sick in the past. there’s always been a cold wind blowing through me and the lights have always gone out and the sun has always gone down.

i’m too naive and fragile for this gamble of a world, not in any positive way or due to a lack of experience but in an inherent, irreparable way. i’m just built to be sensitive and foolish to my own detriment and trying to feign a shell only depletes me. i want to lay and sink into the world and be warm and silent and forget any of this happened.

she’s with him. or soon will be. the knife twists but it’s a limb now, it’s mine to keep. and besides - i knew. i gritted my teeth and pretended it was fear. hope dies last, and she’s desecrating whatever’s left of me. please let me rest, haven’t you taken enough from me? i’m stupid for ever thinking i would be loved enough not to be left behind. i wish i was more logical. the statistics are all there.

i would not be mourned. i know that because if i were to be, they would be mourning me right now. everyone can see what’s going on and soon they’ll notice my state of decomposition. i guess no one would really know what to say if they were confronted with somebody in my headspace. i wish someone cared to ask how i am but if they don’t want to know i’m glad that at least they don’t ask and use it as ammunition against me or as a reason to push me away.

you abandoned me. you did the one thing you promised not to do. do promises mean nothing to you? i don’t know why i’d even ask when i know the answer. just because you didn’t cheat while we were together it doesn’t mean you didn’t destroy and maim everything sacred between us. i hope he breaks your heart so that you see what it’s like. i believed our love had grown so strong it was an autonomous being in itself, a creature we took turns protecting. when i look at you i can’t help but see its remains under your nails and watch it take its last breath, again and again. your skin is stained with your faux attempt at its resuscitation. you’re obsessed with being clean, but you can’t wash this away now. any understanding i had of you was just me seeing myself in you, but i’m starting to think you never existed at all, not the way i thought you did. you’re someone else entirely, a distant, violent creature. and now i see that it was never equal - even when i wasn’t sure about you i gave you so much more of me than you ever offered in return. i did the majority of all the work, i made every significant first step, i never stopped walking. i shattered every wall to let you in as deep as i had to for it to be enough for you. once it was enough you got what you wanted and left me alone in the rubble of my ribcage.

you’re cruel. a wolf in sheep’s clothing, obsessed with the image of innocence and purity. when you smile it’s always a little cold, a masquerade of ribbons and auspicious sheepishness, a front of simplicity and safety. people have taught you they love you the most when you present no danger, so you fawn but behind your lamb mask, your meticulously crafted shop window, flows cold blood. cunning and terrifying, unrecognizable, concerning.. it used to be thrilling to watch your mask slip off, to be let into your darkness. even if you hate to think it so, everything in your life is about you, a thirst to see yourself reflected in every surface of this world. this nuance is what i craved. your ability to be gentle despite it all was so striking, charming and intoxicating. the smile you reserved for our private life, the one that didn’t feel like pretend, was worth every unreasonable sacrifice, every moment of excruciating pain i put myself through to please you. i mistook your intensity for honesty, i thought you were the purest, truest creation of this world because you were red beneath your lavender disguise and you let me see it. the more red i saw, the less i could stand watching you interact with your lavender people, pitch your voice up, widen your eyes and pounce with manufactured excitement like a salesman. the illusion of this person was sweet but you got tired of maintaining it in front of me and blamed me for holding you back because i begged for a speck of the warmth you were so eager to give to everyone else. i gave you everything i had and you took it all until there was nothing left, so you left. calculated and unbothered, you marched on with the apathy of a dictator. you are no bunny, no rabbit, no lamb, no doe, no pink silk, no cotton candy, no doll, no baby, no helpless creature in need of protection. that’s what i cherished in you but i learned way too late that you couldn’t stand to see it. the second i began to resemble your imperfections even vaguely, you were halfway out the door. you’re a carnivore, a predator of ignorance, old wounds and something i will never understand. i stood my ground on paper, but when did i ever not tilt my neck so it would be comfortable for you to feed on everything i had to offer? if you were to see this you’d tell me not to play the victim, but i’m not - i chose to let you feed because your touch kept me warm and we promised each other an always. and despite it all i would have loved you quietly forever, had you just protected me.

your time will come. good luck passing your exams and finding any kind of success when you have no one to rely on who would sacrifice their success to untangle your mistakes, or let you copy their answers, or straight up do your work for you, or cover for you and pull you out of the mess you made for yourself. good luck thriving in an environment that perceives you as an accessory, a token, an ornate but empty mirror. you gave up an endless source of anything you could asked for for the sad glory of being the best in your circle instead of finding your own strengths and stopping your insecurities from corroding your life. now reap what you sowed. i see the chokehold your insecurities have on you and i feel sad for the child i sometimes caught glimpses of when the world was kind to you. i’m sad to say this but as long as your life is a performance it will always be empty. you are so lost and just as lonely as i am but you’re too proud, too vain, too selfish. surrounding yourself with pretty imagery and feeding into your vanity won’t ease your heart. you would aggressively judge others for this, but you’re shallow in that there’s no you when you interact with others, you just emulate whatever you observe, whatever excites you or makes you afraid enough for you to bend your back (the examples are abundant). pretty much whatever serves you. during our whole relationship you put yourself against me, competing with me every step of the way when i just wanted to share the podium. once you had crawled into me you crushed me from the inside, crowning yourself superior with me out of the way. finally the most liked, the most social, the most successful academically (just you wait <3), the brightest light. it’s disturbing there was space for only one of us in your mind. you climbed me like a ladder of validation and support, you used me to build yourself up and promised to pull me up with you. when i began to destabilize due to the toll of everything and it was your turn to help me you let me grab onto your limp hand, then as i begged for you to hold me back you shook me off and watched me fall.

you are as much a bunny as bunny corcoran, though you wouldn’t know because you never bothered to read the book i lent you. you are as clean and good as your dirtiest, worst friend. you are sharp, uncaring, ruthless, egocentric, and selfish. yet when i talk to other people all i want is to talk to you. why did you have to be the one to understand me, to look at me like you really see me? why did that have to be the first time i ever felt seen? why must you haunt my dreams as well? why did you have to forsake us? i would have kept you and your secrets safe, but not locked away. i would have never left you or hated you no matter the pain. why did my words and actions mean nothing to you unless they could be spun in such a way that would allow you to push me away without feeling guilty? why did you wreck the home i built you? i offered to make it into anything you liked, why did you have to make me watch as you burned it down? liar. coward. murderer.

and yet to me you were so much more