TheComfortCorner | V.10

[beignet]

i felt completely overwhelmed for a few days.
i cried because it felt like everything was falling apart. items needing repairs left and right.
the car, the vacuum, the garbage disposal and sink. everything costs money i don't have.

i have an autoimmune disease im still getting diagnosed.
i have to drive hours and spend money on gas.

so i woke up and started a new day
and i fixed what i could. it felt empowering,
just one day at a time
and it'll be okay.

[♥ mizu]

the amount of resentment i feel towards my mother is so overpowering and affects me so much. she's ruined her own life and it's ruined mine and my father's too.

apparently we have a nurse who will be coming to assess her this week - dad and i obviously want to get things cleaned up, because it's absolutely filthy and i cannot express how messy it is through words. i do not want to understate it but it's so gross. dad and i were so happy before she came back into our lives.

i stayed up til around 5 am last night and slept through most of today trying to get it looking better and it's still utterly unpresentable and mortifying. there is a colossal pile of her clothing in the sunroom, and that entire room is full of her garbage and things that she hoards. she doesn't care how she affects other people and it's gotten to the point where i think something died in there. there is an absolutely rancid smell and it's so bad that it's affected much of the house. my room is the only place where i feel truly clean and comfortable.

going through and cleaning it on my own is so depressing. i know dad would help me but working with him is too stressful and things will look better if i just do them myself. mom obviously does nothing but sit around all day and complain. it's so heartbreaking to see all of my childhood paintings and photos back there - there's mold growing on them, water damage, you name it. she doesn't care. it really is just a testament to how she feels about people. she spilt her drink all over me the other day and didn't even acknowledge it. i confronted her and she said NOTHING. nothing matters to her. it's not like she has a good quality of life, either. she just exists to complain and be a burden upon others. she has no autonomy. she's not "living" at all. i don't wish anything bad upon her, i genuinely don't. i just want her out of my life. i wish she went somewhere else.

but god doing all this is bringing back all the trauma. what happened to me is still very fresh and i still feel it everyday. like it happened less than a year ago and i was actively posting about it on here. wallowing in self-pity does nothing and i've been told i'll get over it and forgive her but i cannot. i don't want to. she is an awful person. a cruel, selfish, disgusting, filthy person. dad and i's once comfortable house is turning into her rancid old apartment. i cannot do this. i cannot and i'm feeling a panic attack coming on.

idk if i can post about this on here so if it gets removed by mods i understand. either way i'll put it in transparent

i was literally starving. there was nothing to eat and my doctor was already so concerned. i was told i had to eat more - much more. but no i had to live with her for a month or so and i literally was starving. i lived off of a box of 9 or so croissants, a box of juice, and crackers for around that long and i didn't eat anything that i hadn't bought myself aside from school food. that whole apartment was horrific and the whole kitchen was full of rotten food. it was a cps nightmare. my poor dog, too. dexter is so much better now but he was almost as filthy as the rest of the place and it broke my heart. my poor, sweet, loving baby. i fed him my food along with his kibble and i always kept him in my room unless i took him outside. the only things i ate were from school and even then i often didn't have the energy to go. whenever i did go i would lie in the sick rooms and just sleep all day. i had no energy to do anything and i remember how shaky and weak i felt. my mind felt clouded, i was insanely stressed, and just generally miserable. i think the only usable thing in that apartment was the shower and so i was THANKFULLY able to keep my body clean but my uniform was another story which is why i didn't attend school. my grades plummeted and i think most of my days were comprised of laying in my non-air conditioned room smelling rotting dishes from the kitchen and crying lol. i'd never really had a panic attack before that but i certainly had multiple there and it was so scary. i think that was one of the lowest points of my life. thank god my dad finally was able to bring me home. but then of course this stupid woman comes back into our house too. i want to burn everything that came from that place. everything. i hate it. i can still smell it on the items.

i know this is really long but if anyone wants to dm me feel free to <3

[lepilob]

lost my cat today. somebody in the house seems to have let him out as he was previously indoor/outdoor and likes trying to sneak out, and im devastated. I'm sure he can make his way back, but he's pretty much all i have and my biggest support emotionally <,3 i can't sleep or do much of anything as all my thoughts keep going back to him. Told my mom and she said he's probably hiding as a party had happened, but this cat wouldnt hide for 11+ hours and not come out to eat, seeing as going 5 minutes without following me is out of question for him ^^"" i believe in him and know it'll be okay, hes a strong little guy.

[dakotapaws]

i feel like i cant ever catch a break. im tired of waking up every hour or so. i just wanted this medication to work. and now i very likely have to wait to restart it for another week. im so tired. im so cold. i want this stupid fever to go away

[marciplier]

down in the dumps today. feelin really lonely, just wish i had friends to talk to.

[zombiedoll]

IM EXHAUSTED,
IM ULTIMATELY EXHAUSTED.
ITS INDESCRIBABLE
SO INSTEAD OF SPILLING MY THOUGHTS ONTO PAPER LIKE INK RUNNING FREE FROM A BROKEN CARTRIDGE
I LOOK AT THE SKY AND LET THOSE THOUGHTS ESCAPE ME LIKE INTENDED, BACKWARDS ESCAPISM

IS IT HEALTHY? I HAVE NO CLUE
BUT WHAT IM SURE OF IS IT'S GETTING BETTER
I CAN FEEL IT. I THINK
I JUST NEED TO
STOP BEING SELFISH FOR A GOOD MINUTE AND
LOOK AT THE CLOCK INSTEAD OF THE CLOUDS WHICH NOW HAVE MY PREVIOUS THOUGHTS,
SEEPING INTO THEM GRADUALLY
AND REMEMBER THE PRESENT RATHER THAN PAST INCONVENIENCE AND GRUDGES
I CAN FINALLY LET GO. I NEED TO LET MYSELF MOVE ON.
ROAM FREE LIKE THOSE GRACEFUL CLOUDS.

I WILL GET THERE.

[OKULTRA]

i hauve Covid /extreme neg

[stellulite]

no longer wanted after eight years ):

[67Phlox]

-

[mitski]

lost my cat today. somebody in the house seems to have let him out as he was previously indoor/outdoor and likes trying to sneak out, and im devastated. I'm sure he can make his way back, but he's pretty much all i have and my biggest support emotionally <,3 i can't sleep or do much of anything as all my thoughts keep going back to him. Told my mom and she said he's probably hiding as a party had happened, but this cat wouldnt hide for 11+ hours and not come out to eat, seeing as going 5 minutes without following me is out of question for him ^^"" i believe in him and know it'll be okay, hes a strong little guy.

oh no, i'm so sorry to hear about your cat. i can tell how much he means to you and how devastated you must be feeling right now. stay positive and keep believing that he will find his way back to you. remember, he is a strong little guy just like you said, and animals have a way of finding their way home. keep the faith and stay hopeful. sending love and strength your way during this difficult time <3

IM EXHAUSTED,
IM ULTIMATELY EXHAUSTED.
ITS INDESCRIBABLE
SO INSTEAD OF SPILLING MY THOUGHTS ONTO PAPER LIKE INK RUNNING FREE FROM A BROKEN CARTRIDGE
I LOOK AT THE SKY AND LET THOSE THOUGHTS ESCAPE ME LIKE INTENDED, BACKWARDS ESCAPISM

IS IT HEALTHY? I HAVE NO CLUE
BUT WHAT IM SURE OF IS IT'S GETTING BETTER
I CAN FEEL IT. I THINK
I JUST NEED TO
STOP BEING SELFISH FOR A GOOD MINUTE AND
LOOK AT THE CLOCK INSTEAD OF THE CLOUDS WHICH NOW HAVE MY PREVIOUS THOUGHTS,
SEEPING INTO THEM GRADUALLY
AND REMEMBER THE PRESENT RATHER THAN PAST INCONVENIENCE AND GRUDGES
I CAN FINALLY LET GO. I NEED TO LET MYSELF MOVE ON.
ROAM FREE LIKE THOSE GRACEFUL CLOUDS.

I WILL GET THERE.

I'm glad to hear that you're starting to feel better and finding ways to cope with your emotions. It's important to take care of yourself and focus on the present moment instead of dwelling on the past. remember, it's okay to feel exhausted and overwhelmed sometimes, but just keep moving forward one step at a time. you are strong and capable, my dear, and I believe in you. keep looking ahead towards a brighter future filled with positivity and growth.

down in the dumps today. feelin really lonely, just wish i had friends to talk to.

i'm sorry to hear that you're feeling lonely. i don't have very many friends either- it's tough to feel like you don't have anyone to talk to. remember, it's okay not to be okay sometimes and reaching out for support is a brave thing to do. you're not alone in this, even when it feels like it.