TheComfortCorner | V.10

[djotime]

I just wonder if I'm doing this right, I love him so much but I just don't know if im doing this right?
I just want to know if he's upset or annoyed or feels any kind of way about me. I hate being alone, He's warm like the sun and I just want to hold him. But I cant, not now, but one day I will. I love him so much and I hope he knows it. I'm trying my best and I hope that my best is enough. Well, theres always the possiblity that im loving too much. I might be overwhelming and annoying, I don't want him to feel like im a chore. I worry alot but if i could choose not to, i would. i feel like a nasty plague that just ruins everything i touch.I hope im not too much, i wouldnt want to make him miserable.
I just want him to be happy more than anything.

[LittleMaple]

Sad :( listening to Alex G isn't helping but his music is such bangers but also :(((( life is going by too fast man

[ToxicDark2173]

Why can't I get myself to leave this person who is basically mentally abusing me.. and I even know this that our relationship is toxic

[djotime]

I think things are changing, for the better.
I hope so.

[Andre4666]

I think things are changing, for the better.
I hope so.

They are.. just slowly

[rabidcoyote]

This is a checkpoint! If you're reading this, you've made it.

Go easy on yourself, it takes time to find a new definition of okay. Allow yourself to relax and remember to take care of your body's needs in this inhuman heat wave. Better days lie ahead!

[dollface,]

.............................
HMMMM.

IT'LL GET BETTER, I THINK
WELL.
THATS WHAT IM H0PING F0R.

MY 11:11 WISH IS Y0U, EVERYDAY
Y0U KN0W?
AND, I'LL NEVER TELL YOU THAT, BUT MAYBE 0NE DAY
MAYBE 0NE DAY
IT CAN ALL W0RK 0UT. GOD, I WISH.

[OKULTRA]

man... it's always something at this house
i can't take a fun vacation without coming back to some sort of house fire (metaphorically,)

[beignet]

i felt completely overwhelmed for a few days.
i cried because it felt like everything was falling apart. items needing repairs left and right.
the car, the vacuum, the garbage disposal and sink. everything costs money i don't have.

i have an autoimmune disease im still getting diagnosed.
i have to drive hours and spend money on gas.

so i woke up and started a new day
and i fixed what i could. it felt empowering,
just one day at a time
and it'll be okay.

[♥ mizu]

the amount of resentment i feel towards my mother is so overpowering and affects me so much. she's ruined her own life and it's ruined mine and my father's too.

apparently we have a nurse who will be coming to assess her this week - dad and i obviously want to get things cleaned up, because it's absolutely filthy and i cannot express how messy it is through words. i do not want to understate it but it's so gross. dad and i were so happy before she came back into our lives.

i stayed up til around 5 am last night and slept through most of today trying to get it looking better and it's still utterly unpresentable and mortifying. there is a colossal pile of her clothing in the sunroom, and that entire room is full of her garbage and things that she hoards. she doesn't care how she affects other people and it's gotten to the point where i think something died in there. there is an absolutely rancid smell and it's so bad that it's affected much of the house. my room is the only place where i feel truly clean and comfortable.

going through and cleaning it on my own is so depressing. i know dad would help me but working with him is too stressful and things will look better if i just do them myself. mom obviously does nothing but sit around all day and complain. it's so heartbreaking to see all of my childhood paintings and photos back there - there's mold growing on them, water damage, you name it. she doesn't care. it really is just a testament to how she feels about people. she spilt her drink all over me the other day and didn't even acknowledge it. i confronted her and she said NOTHING. nothing matters to her. it's not like she has a good quality of life, either. she just exists to complain and be a burden upon others. she has no autonomy. she's not "living" at all. i don't wish anything bad upon her, i genuinely don't. i just want her out of my life. i wish she went somewhere else.

but god doing all this is bringing back all the trauma. what happened to me is still very fresh and i still feel it everyday. like it happened less than a year ago and i was actively posting about it on here. wallowing in self-pity does nothing and i've been told i'll get over it and forgive her but i cannot. i don't want to. she is an awful person. a cruel, selfish, disgusting, filthy person. dad and i's once comfortable house is turning into her rancid old apartment. i cannot do this. i cannot and i'm feeling a panic attack coming on.

idk if i can post about this on here so if it gets removed by mods i understand. either way i'll put it in transparent

i was literally starving. there was nothing to eat and my doctor was already so concerned. i was told i had to eat more - much more. but no i had to live with her for a month or so and i literally was starving. i lived off of a box of 9 or so croissants, a box of juice, and crackers for around that long and i didn't eat anything that i hadn't bought myself aside from school food. that whole apartment was horrific and the whole kitchen was full of rotten food. it was a cps nightmare. my poor dog, too. dexter is so much better now but he was almost as filthy as the rest of the place and it broke my heart. my poor, sweet, loving baby. i fed him my food along with his kibble and i always kept him in my room unless i took him outside. the only things i ate were from school and even then i often didn't have the energy to go. whenever i did go i would lie in the sick rooms and just sleep all day. i had no energy to do anything and i remember how shaky and weak i felt. my mind felt clouded, i was insanely stressed, and just generally miserable. i think the only usable thing in that apartment was the shower and so i was THANKFULLY able to keep my body clean but my uniform was another story which is why i didn't attend school. my grades plummeted and i think most of my days were comprised of laying in my non-air conditioned room smelling rotting dishes from the kitchen and crying lol. i'd never really had a panic attack before that but i certainly had multiple there and it was so scary. i think that was one of the lowest points of my life. thank god my dad finally was able to bring me home. but then of course this stupid woman comes back into our house too. i want to burn everything that came from that place. everything. i hate it. i can still smell it on the items.

i know this is really long but if anyone wants to dm me feel free to <3