I don't know what to do anymore, I feel like everything I say is wrong sometimes, but then if I say that, I might come across as manipulative, and I don't want to do that.
My home life right now sucks. My mother is constantly trying to manipulate me now, but I can't move out yet, because home isn't currently a place I can go to. I neither have the money nor the other thing I need to be able to move there.
The most important person in my life is completely stressed out and half the time I feel like I'm just making it worse when all I really want to do is fix it. So, I'm not talking to said person as much lately and that's not helping either of us, but I don't know what to do.
I hate the holidays; I miss the days that I used to actually enjoy them. I hate having to be around my family so much, I just want to crawl into a hole and be left alone.
I spend so much of the time crying now. I just want to sleep, I'm so tired. I'm lost again, I haven't been lost in over a year, I had finally found myself after years of not knowing who I was or what to do and now I'm lost again. I don't know what to do, I just don't. I need help, I need someone to help me, but every time I talk to anyone about this, they always just make it worse. I need a therapist, but I have to make sure our insurance covers it, cause if they don't, then I can't afford it. I need to find a job again, but that's easier said than done. Everything is just crashing down around me right now and I don't know what to do. And all I really want to do is move, but I can't, so the next best thing is just to stay in bed all day and pretend like the world doesn't exist, but that's not healthy and.... I just can't, I just can't.
I'm breaking, the little bubble I used to protect myself is cracking, and if it shatters, if it fully disappears... I just don't know.