by Otter. » Mon Dec 25, 2023 10:13 am
kinda feel terrible today, starting off my partner and i got in a big fight over stupid cleaning. he had promised he clean our walk in closest, do the dishes, and take out garbage and recycle. so i was a little sassy in my tone saying "are you gonna take those dishhes down" then he got all mad and said "just stop with the attitude" then turned into a loud vemonness fight and i'm here now, on christmas eve, sitting alone on my bed downstairs, regretting ever moving out of my parents to come be here. i just feel alone, this is first time out on my own (im 22, yes it took 4 years to move out ik) and moving was such task i just feel so stressed. i have been here for a month and i cant get a job so that doesn't help. im a little heavy (290, ya make fun it ik) and its just like they look at me like "you're a lazy bag of poo so on to the next" is how it just seems to go, even applied for a call center job, just helping out and still nothing. i feel like im failing at being a adult in my first month out on my own. On top of all that i had to cut off my family in the begin of the month since my mother was being her toxic self and my great aunt who i thought had my back did a 360. so now i feel alone and stressed bout my rent and idk what to do, may partner and i have been at each other's necks as he's the only person providing so its just fight, fight, fight the past two weeks. after our fight had ended his mom had called him about our christmas eve dinner and he had told her about our fight and that embarrassed me cuz i really love my partners mom and i really try my hardest to make sure she's happy with me and like me cuz this is probably gonna be my mother in law. so when he had told her what happened and got off the phone with her i told him i was embarrassed and that now i wanted to stay in my room cuz i feel like my anxiety is gonna be high the whole night and i feel unconfutable cuz now she knows we fought over cleaning and i feel like she's gonna judge me based on that. am i a terrible person for this cuz i feel like i am?
on a better note, i hope everyone is having a okay holiday and spending time with those you care about