The Roleplay School: Verdana's class

Roleplays featuring animals or non-human fantasy creatures which are based on a book/movie/tv show (e.g. Warrior Cats, My Little Pony, Pokemon)

Re: The Roleplay School: Verdana's class

Postby ⚜ Estivel » Wed Mar 16, 2011 8:17 am

That sounds wonderful <D
I do hope I'm not causing you too much trouble though.

That might also be a partly why I have the run-on issue.
I just get to into everything and want every little detail in my mind stated.
At least I usually don't have an issue with not enough detail |D


||Wrath||
Image
WRATH IS ON HIATUS
Please only PM about RPs
|Fursona and Adoptables|
|Feäre Wolves|
I wish I had a unicorn,
So I could fly away.
Where fun isn’t worn,
Nor people do mourn,
This is where dreams are born.

⚜ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ⚜

And if there was a place like this,
Would not it be quite grand?
To jump and play in fevered bliss,
Where no one can just stand?

I long to have a unicorn,
So I could learn to fly,
Yet dreams hold scorn

. . . . . .For hopes highborn,
. . . . . .And unicorns yet to fly.



we are NOT holibombers, but we will sometimes give gifts
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Re: The Roleplay School: Verdana's class

Postby Verdana » Sat Mar 19, 2011 1:14 am

Right. Well, since nobody is posting, I guess I will. First, though, I have to create a character:


Basic Character Bio form:

Name: Dorp
Species: Armoured rhinoceros
Gender: Male
Age: Eeight years old and in his prime.
Description (picture or written): Dorp is a magnificent specimen of his species. At eight feet high at the shoulder, he is massive, heavy, and covered in plates of grey metal armour, grubbied by travel and dented by frequent fights. His body is a dark, unspecific grey and the skin is leathery and creased under his cherished protection, but usually takes on the hue of whatever dust or mud he happens to be pounding his way through at the time. He has small black eyes set deep into his colossal head and surrounded by a net of wrinkles, and his two horns are tipped in gold leaf, as befits a chosen fighter. His legs are short and thick as medium-sized tree trunks, his body is huge, his tail is ragged and worm-like as it swishes the dust and flies away. His lip is square and blocky, giving him a particularly bland appearance. His feet have three toes with large, solid nails, perfect for kicking and trampling. A mean fighting machine, that's Dorp.
Personality: Armoured rhinoceri are not smart. Nobody can make that claim of them. Dorp, in particular, is not one of the more intelligent ones. He's not bright. He's not. He knows it. However, neither is he stupid. He thinks slowly, and takes a very long time to make up his mind, but once he has, he sticks to an idea with a dedication that is admirable. He's a loyal soul, who is not easily led. He's very much his own rhino (which is vital when one is in a herd full of creatures that look almost indentical) and has a kind open nature. He trusts only as far as he ought, but when he ought to he is forceful in his beliefs. He's a strong fellow, strong and resilient. He's a skilled fighter, but, unlike most of his species, tries his best not to base his entire being on that single ability. He's still young, still learning, and in his way, wishes to get a knowledge of the world and other creatures which he was not given in his somewhat monotonous life.
Powers (if any): Resilience to magic and almost limitless endurance (note: almost).
History: Dorp was born to a herd of armoured rhinoceri, one of thousands on the Plains of Kigir. It was not a particularly large herd, nor was it very ambitious. Nonetheless, his parents were pleased when they birthed him, a very large male calf. At his birth, male calves had been scarce, and it is never a bad thing to increase the standing of your herd. His fate was decided from the day of his immergence into the world: He would be a warrior, and would champion for his herd. He had no choice in the matter, and was too young to care. He quite liked all the attention he was given.

No rhinocerous is born with a desire to kill. Short-temperedness and aggression have to be carefully cultivated. Dorp's parents insist that his urges were not developed enough, while his tutors argued that he never had it in him. Whatever the case, Dorp had all the physical attributes of a warrior, but he just didn't have his heart in it. He was by no means last in his small, select class, but he did not live up to expectations. Rhinos are not prone to disappointment, so his parents took his lack of interest with typical lack of emotion. He finished the class, graduated, and that, for a while, was that.

However, then the creatures of Kigir were called to arms. The rhinoceri gathered their finest warriors and champions and, in the time-honoured role of the armoured herds, sent their strongest and best off to be slaughtered. Dorp's friends and family eagerly charged off to the Valley. He wished to stay behind. The elders didn't like that. They impressed on him the duties of the Herds, his obligations. They praised his strength and resilience, they scolded his lack of patriotism. It was all too much for the placid young male.

So, a few weeks late and utterly bewildered by his presence there, Dorp finds himself in the Valley, ready to prove his mettle in a fight to be included in the Army.
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Re: The Roleplay School: Verdana's class

Postby longlive » Sat Mar 19, 2011 1:20 am

The trees seemed to close in on the golden creature. They seemed to be squeezing their tree trunks together, making the creature not see a bit of sky left. Were the trees alive? What happened? Everything whirled inside of Az's head. She had just came down to the moist soft earth to pluck at some nice dewy grass. What harm was that? Az cocked her bright golden head up, nosing at the tree trunks.

Az made a sound of frustration. She was high in hopes to not be doomed by some living trees and start flying down to the sky. Az made sure she was to the highest she could go. She nudged the trees, making a huge 'CRACK' every time she did so.
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xxxxxxxhi! i'm liv (she/her)
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Re: The Roleplay School: Verdana's class

Postby Verdana » Sat Mar 19, 2011 1:43 am

Very nice, ++dragon.knight. However, I have a few things to criticise, as ever.

To me, this post seems a little bit vague. You may have meant that on purpose, to give the scene a sense of mystery, but instead I just get a bit confused. What's wrong with this scene? is it all in her head? How did she come to have suspicions? If possible, I'd like to know a bit of what happened before she ended up where she is. This is your opening post, after all. You need to give some introduction so that other roleplayers can understand your character a little better.

Another thing that I think we need to work on is your choice of words. *she just came down* or *she had just come down*, watch your choice of tense. Also, your verbs (I'm a stickler for strong verbs) seem a little bit out of place on a phoenix. It's much easier to see a wolf 'nudging' or 'nosing' a tree than it is to see a phoenix doing it. Using stronger verbs, and perhaps a bit more description, would improve your post length. Talk about how twigs snag on her wings. Maybe talk about why she's so fearful, what the trees remind her of.

One last thing: I guess the first poster has it easy, because they set the scene. To make a roleplay work, the characters need to interact. Going over to chat to the other characters, or even just seeing them, quickens the plot and doesn't make the poster come out of their way to find you.

I hope that was clear and fair judgement, and if you're a little confused, I'd be happy to get more specific.
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Re: The Roleplay School: Verdana's class

Postby Verdana » Tue Mar 22, 2011 12:15 am

There are stereotypes about any manner of creatures. Some are based on reality, some are false. Some are in circuit due to a will to be cruel, others are merely 'there'. However, there is one thing that can be said about armoured rhinoceri that applies to every single member of the race, be they kind, stubborn, young or old:

They are really very big.

It is due to this that Dorp has no trouble ambling through the valley, despite the fact that it is crowded almost to overflowing. Smaller creatures twitter, squeal, yelp and cough in dismay at his approach, pressing against each other in an effort to stay away from his huge, heavy feet. He has long since given up trying to apologise to each brave little mouse and snarling cat individually; now he simply hangs his head, looking sheepish. He doesn't like being big, being looked at. However, since there's nothing he can do about it, he has long since become resigned to the reality of his situation. He is feared. He is unapproachable. He will never have a small creature as a friend. He gives a snort through his cavernous, moist nostrils. A bird shrieks and takes to the air. He sighs, and pretends not to notice.

He has been looking for his friends for the last day, and met with no success in finding them. Sometimes, he'll see a flash of silver, a glint of gold, but when he takes a closer look, it will be some other animal. No armour rhinoceri in sight. Did they get lost? He wonders it to himself. It's the only excuse he can find. It's not as if a metal-coated behemoth can meld into a crowd. They must not be here yet, he decides. This brings little consolation, however, as it means he will have to wait for them. Dorp does not like to be alone. He does not mind it, not really. Nonetheless, he'd much prefer that he had someone beside him. He comes from a herd, and while it does not spread across the plains like some, he is not used to being the only one of his kind wandering a hostile environment. And there is no doubt in his ponderous mind that this vallety, filled with tense creatures thinking only of conquest and war, falls under the classification of 'hostile'.

A gleam catches the corner of his small eye, set like a marble in hard mud into his blocky head. He turns, swivelling his massive, bulky hindquarters, left and right, trying to find the source of the shine. His heart lifts an inch. Maybe this time... Maybe it's- But there's no sign of anything. Not a horn in sight. He looks up into the sky, to see a long, fiery tail disappearing into a nearby copse of trees. Some kind of bird, he decides, feeling despondent. Not a rhinoceros at all. Of course not. His square teeth grind against each other in frustration. He lifts his head, eyes rolling as he squints, trying to get a lay of the land. He curses his terrible eyesight, and the clamour of smells and sounds that prevent him from locating what he wants. His mood is spoiling. He's tired and hungry and out of his depth. He begins to walk again, trying to decide what to do.

It takes him a good half hour to come to a decision, but when he has it, he's certain that it is the right one. He needs to graze. The valley floor has been trampled into mud. Not a blade of grass in sight. So, he will go into the forest, find something to eat, and resume his search at nightfall. Feeling a little brighter, he plods towards the trees, away from the shrieking, overwhelming mass of warriors, to go and seek comfort in something that can be relied on.

Food.
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Re: The Roleplay School: Verdana's class

Postby Verdana » Tue Mar 22, 2011 12:16 am

[Hey there. I just wanted to let everyone know that I am going on camp tomorrow. I'll be back on Thursday evening. Have fun!]
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Re: The Roleplay School: Verdana's class

Postby ⚜ Estivel » Thu Mar 24, 2011 10:57 am

{{Sorry for the late reply ;33333;
I've had tests all week, and countless piles of homework to sludge through.
And I'm sorry for the small reply :c My muse level is running on low}}

The stiff feathers tilted slightly and the predatory Ave started to descend to the Valley floor, when a bright object caught the corner of his eye. Panic immediately caused him to throw his wings forward in a desperate attempt to back away, adrenaline roaring through his veins. Another moment passed and Damir had risen a good seven feet before he realized it was merely the gleam of the light against metal. An audible sigh escaped through his beak, though it wasn't like any of the animals below could have seen. After all, he was a good fifty feet above the ground and a small interference in the noise like a sigh would not make a dent in the racket they were making below.

Damir would have wrinkled his nose if it was possible as he eyed a rhinoceros leaving the crowd. It's destination appeared to be the forest, and that alone irritated him. The thought of this blundering creature making craters on the beautiful, unscathed floor made his eyes stay on the sight of the large mammal. Anger fused with curiosity for only a split second, but that was all that was needed for him to make the decision. His wings once more angled, yet this time it was upwards and towards the trees. If he could stay above the trees... no, that would not work. Damir certainly would not be able to see through the thick leaves, and if the rhinoceros saw the sun glowing off of his outer feathers, the damage that it could perform to the precious forest would be catastrophic. But if he glided right under the top, weaving through the thinner branches, he would be hidden perfectly.
Damir was determined to protect his forest, even if his plan was a bit iffy. I'll just have to wing it. The pun brought the corners of his beak up at a curve, and he silently flew into the trees.


||Wrath||
Image
WRATH IS ON HIATUS
Please only PM about RPs
|Fursona and Adoptables|
|Feäre Wolves|
I wish I had a unicorn,
So I could fly away.
Where fun isn’t worn,
Nor people do mourn,
This is where dreams are born.

⚜ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ⚜

And if there was a place like this,
Would not it be quite grand?
To jump and play in fevered bliss,
Where no one can just stand?

I long to have a unicorn,
So I could learn to fly,
Yet dreams hold scorn

. . . . . .For hopes highborn,
. . . . . .And unicorns yet to fly.



we are NOT holibombers, but we will sometimes give gifts
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Re: The Roleplay School: Verdana's class

Postby Verdana » Fri Mar 25, 2011 2:32 am

Okay. Here goes another one:

I like the way you describe his motions in terms of other creatures (for example, "Damir would have wrinkled his nose if it was possible") but you may want to look at description in terms of the animal itself. For example, he could fluff his feathers scornfully. This is merely a stylistic thing, though, and if you think that the former way works better, that's up to you.

Grammatical pointer: "its" doesn't have an apostrophe unless it's a contraction (haha, did you see what I did there? :D ). Don't ask me why. It doesn't make sense to me either.
Sorry, just got back from camp, so I can't see anything else at the moment. Hope that helps!
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Re: The Roleplay School: Verdana's class

Postby Verdana » Thu Mar 31, 2011 2:08 am

Sorry for the wait, I was waiting for dragon.knight to post, but since they haven't...

If they still haven't by tomorrow, I will. So sorry, Estivel.
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Re: The Roleplay School: Verdana's class

Postby ⚜ Estivel » Fri Apr 01, 2011 11:41 pm

Verdana wrote:Sorry for the wait, I was waiting for dragon.knight to post, but since they haven't...

If they still haven't by tomorrow, I will. So sorry, Estivel.


{{ It's fine |D
I'm actually going to be busy most of today and tomorrow because of the wedding, so you can take your time C:
Thank you <3 }}

||Wrath||
Image
WRATH IS ON HIATUS
Please only PM about RPs
|Fursona and Adoptables|
|Feäre Wolves|
I wish I had a unicorn,
So I could fly away.
Where fun isn’t worn,
Nor people do mourn,
This is where dreams are born.

⚜ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ⚜

And if there was a place like this,
Would not it be quite grand?
To jump and play in fevered bliss,
Where no one can just stand?

I long to have a unicorn,
So I could learn to fly,
Yet dreams hold scorn

. . . . . .For hopes highborn,
. . . . . .And unicorns yet to fly.



we are NOT holibombers, but we will sometimes give gifts
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⚜ Estivel
 
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