Zvers: Moved to a new thread, please lock

[Metallic Dragon]

All forms for CC5300 need to be completed today for judging! Hurry and get them in!

[Cion Keiasta]

For me the reason I'm not applying because so far none of them capture my heart. ;3; Just a question, can zvers breed? If so, do you plan to open a breeding centre?

[Metallic Dragon]

Yes, Zvers can breed, but I don't plan on opening a breeding centre due to time management(especially with my summer job I'm applying for and college in the fall) and the three zver limit. However, I will be opening customs at some point in the near future.

[Cion Keiasta]

Just wondering. Its not like I want you to open one because of your time. Besides you still have the breeding centre for the nadonas.

[Metallic Dragon]

Exactly. I don't want these to take up so much time that the nadonas get neglected either, so yup yup

[IzumiKitteh]

Are you judging the forms for Zver #CC8643 today?

[Metallic Dragon]

Nope, check the info above the zvers to know which day I'm judging each one. Today I'm judging only CC5300

[Metallic Dragon]

Username:emii
Zver you want:#CC5300
Name:Jupiter
Reason you want it: He kind of reminds me of myself. I guess because i'm a shorty and shy, if you don't know me. If you do, then i talk really loud and have a temper.
What will you do with it if you win?:I will put him in my signature and probably write some stories about him. I will show him off to my friends for sure.
Personality: He has a sort of spit personality sometimes. Personality #1: Shy, intelligent, and a scaredy cat. This is the side he showed to the white coats. He doesn't like confrontation, he usually hates interaction. He prefers to be alone in his own little world. He solves problems rather quickly, being one of the smartest zvers. Personality #2: A sick, twisted, instinct-runned brute. Harsh and cruel, he will approach you immediately looking for a fight. When he is like this he is rather dumb, not weighing his actions with it's consequinces. Jupiter loves to kill anything at all, he loves to see things die, because it just amuses him. He gets rather bored easily, so he climbs trees and waits for something to come by that he can pounce on and kill. He despises other zvers and and slaps at humans through his tiny cage. He would easily kill you unless he had a reason otherwise. The other zvers think he is rather evil and twisted while in this stage. Do you dare bother him while he is in this state of mind? Introduction/Story:BEEP BEEP BEEP

Zver #CC5300 has escaped.

-- I guess you could say that sitting around and watching t.v. got rather boring, so I decided to go down to the labs (don't ask me why, I don't even know) and see if they needed any help. I know, that's not really a typical day for many people, but hey, I'm the top scientists daughter so I could actually get a job there if i wanted. Anyways, so I'm walking down to the labs, bringing my dad his lunch when I realize that I forgot my knife, which i always carry with me. I don't really think much of it, but thinking back to that moment, I should have ran back to my house and got it. I didn't know then that in the near future, my life would be threatened. As I approach the labs, I see that the emergency lights are on again so I just roll my eyes and walk in.
--I soon find my dad, who always gets mad at me when I enter dispite the red, flashing lights. "Why do you just have to come in here when we are in a state of complete chaos?", he yells. I just smile at him and say,"Why wouldn't I? T.V. gets boring sometimes, you know?" He just glares at me like I knew he would. "So.... Who escaped this time?", I asked. "Not who, but what.", he says. He doesn't think that the zvers should be treated like they deserve to be. "If you must know, it's #CC5300 this time. It appears that he is smarter than we previously thought." Well duh, they are all smarter than they "previously thought". "Well duh, just like i told you. They are highly intelligent creatures.", I say. He simply says,"hmph" as he leaves the room in a huff.
--After a couple of minutes I leave the room. I just calmly walk to the boss's office. Hardly anyone dares to enter his office because he is mean. "Hey boss, I got a question for you.", I continue after a while of him glaring at me as if to say, What? "Well, I would like to try to capture #CC5300 seeing as he has escaped again. Would you kindly give me the authority and tranquilizer required to do so?" "Young lady, have you even talked this over with your father?", says boss. "Nope, and I don't plan to.", I say as I smile . "Eh, what harm could it do then?", he says with a twinkle in his eye. He is actually nice to me, he once said that I reminded him of himself when he was younger. "Now, you will need to carry this card and tranquilizer with you at all times.",He informs me.
--I leave his office and go outside, careful to avoid my father. Once outside, I head to the woods. It has just rained and i see the footprints left by #CC5300. I walk along following the footprints. They stop at a tree, and I hear a rustle. Suddenly, I have to dodge a pouncing zver. He gets up and is soon circling me.
-- Now, that is what finally lead up to this moment of me wishing for my knife. He kind of has the colors of Jupitor, except for his bright green eyes. "Hey, Jupitor, boy.", I chance calling him. Even though he is starting to growl, I stay calm. I have snuck in and spent time with him before, and I know that his split personality will soon change. A strike of recognition enters his eyes, even though it takes forever. He soon backs down, but not without a growl/roar. Jupitor's shifty eyes catch a glimpse of another zver in the distance and growls. I swear, sometimes he has nothing but contempt for other organisms. "Shhhhhh.....", I say. "Maybe they wont find us this time. In order for that wish to come true, we need to find a good hiding place by day, and travel by night.", I don't even care that he probably can't understand me. I know that we need to find a good hiding place, so I look up. The tree would be a perfect hiding spot! I start climbing and wave him up, too. He reluctantly starts to climb. --We wait around, take naps, and just watch the birds for awhile. Until darkness comes. When it finally gets dark, I stretch and say,"Well, it's time to get moving. Get up, lazy bones." I start to climb down the tree, while he just has to jump down. When I get to the ground, he just stares at me, as if to say Slowpoke . I start to laugh, and apparently this is new to him, because he just cocks his head sideways. After awhile of laughing, I finally pull myself together. As we are walking along, Jupitor must be hearing something, because his beautiful green eyes get shifty again. I stop, and we both stay silent for a minute . I almost seems as if someone, or something, is tracking us. I catch a glimpse of something out of the corner of my eye, and we bolt. We sprint away from there as fast as we can. I think we ran nearly two miles, an amazing feat for me. The problem is, that i don't recognize the surroundings. "Great, now we have to go by my instincts.", I whisper.
--The surroundings here are like a wide open field, stretching as far as i can see. Well that's just great. We could easily be caught hanging around here. I start looking for any shelter i can find, because the last few moments of twilight are slipping by faster than I would like. Its a good thing the grass is very tall here, because i cant find any hiding spots. Jupitor suddenly lets out a bark, so I walk over to him. He has miraculously found a burrow, probably from a fox, that we can fit in. It's a bit of a tight squeeze, but we manage to make it work. As I am close to sweet slumber, I think of my dear friend. He is the only one that I could trust with my plan. He is the only other person that knows. Just before i doze off, I think. I kind of miss talking to Jary.
--I awake close to night, and find that jupitor is missing! Where could he be? I think hastily to myself, he wouldn't go far without me, or would he? I poke my head out of the burrow, and I am glad to see that jupitor is returning, and with something that I could roast. I soon remember that I forgot a lighter. "Dang it!", I say under my breath. I guess we will have to eat it raw. When he gets close enough for me to see what he has caught, I see that it is a fairly large rabbit.
-- After we finish eating, it is dark. We get moving. Not so far away I keep hearing a rustle in the grass, but I am quick to dismiss it as the wind, or the nocturnal animals. I mean no one even has an idea of where I am. Well, except far Jary, but he isn't the outdoors type. He prefers to stick to video games. I mean, he wouldn't go and try to track me through the wilderness. Especially when I have a zver around that has a split personality. Jupitor must have been in his evil, twisted stage when he killed that rabbit. Now, though, he is back to showing his timid side.
--We finally reach some shrubs in the middle of the field. Good timing too, because it is starting to get light again. We find a nice little place to lay down, and Jupitor soon falls asleep. I am almost asleep, when i suddenly see shoes walking on the ground. I know their owners can't see me. I'm too well hidden. Apparently, whoever it is has the same idea as me. I soon see his head poking through the shrubbery, probably trying to make sure no one was here. I quickly jump up and tackle him. "Jary!", I say excitedly,"What are you doing here?" Jary just stares at me with a weird expression on his face . I just have to laugh , because it's so funny looking. "Why did you tackle me?", he says. I reply,"Because I really didn't expect to see you here, I thought you would keep to your video games." "Well, I thought I would catch up to you so I could tell you that your father has launched a search party looking for you. Plus, I thought I would bug you with some 'your mom' jokes.", he says.[color=#000080][/color]

Congrats emii! Good job with the personality, definately different from anything I would have expected! Your story was quite good as well. As for a few pointers, when someone is talking and then it switches to another person speaking, put the new person as a new paragraph:

"Look out, someone's coming!" She whispered, ducking behind the wall as a chill ran down her spine. {new paragraph for next person who is going to reply to her}
"That's just Jeremy, no worries." Erik muttered, catching her arm and dragging her back to her feet, chuckling slightly at the embarrassment on on her face. {Another new paragraph for her reply to him}
"Well you never know, it could have been someone dangerous." She grumbled, irritated at the sudden heat in her cheeks as she blushed.

This makes it easier to discern changes in who is talking^^ Also, try not to use smilies. They make your work look less professional and distract from the overall story.

[emii]

Ok, thanks for the pointers! I'm still trying to improve my writing. I'm so excited now that I can't sit still! I'm gonna start finishing my story now on a word document.

[Metallic Dragon]

Congrats on your new Zver, I'll send you the code in just a second^^