❛ the lazy writers ❜

[Silver Pandorica]

??

Maybe I'll write as I try and fall asleep...XD

[WildCat :3]

I woke, rubbing my eyes, then.opened them . Pain rushed through my body as I found myself staring into Ben's soft blue ones. "You ok?" he said, looking me up and down.
"Yeah, but where are we?" I say, clearer than him.
I stand myself up and stair at Ben, shuffling. It was only then when he gestured to the other end of the room.
"People.." I whisper, spotting Callum Buckly I hiss softly. Racking my brain for memories, I found none, "We've been brainwashed..." I let out a little loudly.
"Right- Lyca, don't speak your own mind here, you never know." Ben quickly responded.
I nod, Adjusting my red bow in my hair.
"I see your all confused." a voice rang out across the room, it was a boy I reconised, yet couldn't put my finger on it. Opening my mouth to say something, Ben gave me a look and I clampted my mouth closed.
"For reasons to do with war- this is your new home." And he walked away.
"What?" Ben said, I knew for a minute the boy was working with Callum.
Callum made his way over to us.
"Think fast, a strange person aproching you." He said. I kicked him hard in the shin.
"I demand a explnation! Oh, and I know you all right!" I yell, wacking his stomach. I've lost it.
"Lyca!" Ben said, "Come on, you can beat him up later, we're getting rooms!"
"Okay." I say through gritted teeth.
I followed Ben through the endless corridors until we came to our room. Its was dull, grey and white with a bunk bed.
"Great." I say, glancing at him. Then he felt in his pocket.
"Here." he said , holding a small notebook. "Lets write our life..."
"Thanks.." I whisper.
"William." He said "He caused this."
My memories strike once then disappear.
"I See you falling.. I sing sofly.
"How long to go? Before you hit the ground?" he joined in.
"I Hear you screaming." I say, picking it up fast.
"Can you see me here? Am I a ghost to you?" He sang, smiling.
"Lets stop!" I say, smiling.
A kock at the door shattered my thoughts.
"Hey, Ben Lyca." The voice said.
My body froze. Callum Blunn, Riely Shaw and Jack banks.
Thoughts?

[BucketORandomness]

I don't know. They're shattered at the moment

Really, though, this sounds like it would be an excellent story if you decided to continue. The only problem I have would be homophones and ((Probably a stylistic choice)) your short sentences. I have a general concept of what's going on, but sometimes I feel like there a fragments in the story. I hope that helped a bit

[WildCat :3]

I don't know. They're shattered at the moment

Really, though, this sounds like it would be an excellent story if you decided to continue. The only problem I have would be homophones and ((Probably a stylistic choice)) your short sentences. I have a general concept of what's going on, but sometimes I feel like there a fragments in the story. I hope that helped a bit

Lol XD
Thanks for the feedback- Self edit may be required.

[BucketORandomness]

Hiya, all! I was wondering if I could get some feedback on this. ((Warning, I am very much not done with it, but I was wondering if there was anything I could improve moving forward))

xxxxxThere was once a time of great conflict. The humans and elves and dragons all fought, though no one could remember why anymore. All that was left was the fighting. The blood soaked the earth, and cries filled the night like water in a cup. Somehow, in all the turmoil and pain, in all the chaos and death, there was life. From opposing sides came a love to inspire tales, though it ended in nothing more than claws and teeth and swords.

𝀁𝄆𝈙𝄇𝄐𝆲𝀸𝆱𝄐𝄆𝈙𝄇𝀀

xxxxxI awoke to bright sunlight and a boot to the ribs. The rest of them were already up and about, but I had somehow missed the roll call. My ribs smarted and my ears rang with the sounds of insults accompanied by a handful of orders. Breakfast was eaten quickly and silently, then we moved out.
xxxxxThe marching was not as much patrolling the Kingdom borders as it was mechanical movement over and over again. It gave everyone too much time to think. How were our families back home? Were the dragons gone yet, or had we hunted the last of them? Most of the others would be wondering when the elves would just give up and hand over their majiks. Me? I wondered what the weather would be like.
xxxxxFighting was nothing new to me. My earliest memories involve blood guts and gore. As I grew up, the others despised me because of my parents. Who knew when I would turn my halfling mind against them? I certainly never dreamt of such traitorous actions, though that never stopped the others from taking out their issues with me. These thoughts and more ran through my head as the leagues passed by underfoot.

𝀁𝄆𝈙𝄇𝄐𝆲𝀸𝆱𝄐𝄆𝈙𝄇𝀀

xxxxxThere was once a time of great conflict, but love somehow found its way into the war. A young man and woman came together on the battlefield, fighting against a common and scaly foe. There, the two found companionship beyond that which their respective peoples thought possible in a world where the largest worries were to protect your own skin. But these two were much different. They ran away from the battles, the blood, the fights. They ran to a quiet and peaceful place to raise a child. And yet, even here, the war found them, and it did not find them kindly.

𝀁𝄆𝈙𝄇𝄐𝆲𝀸𝆱𝄐𝄆𝈙𝄇𝀀

xxxxxWhat was that?! The whisper carried around me in a nonsensical echo. What was that? The mysterious sound drummed against my eardrums in a familiar pattern. I prepared my weapons even before the commanding officer ordered it. Apparently, we had not managed to hunt them all. This one, though, would definitely join its fellows.
xxxxxI ducked behind a tree for cover as the rest of the patrol scattered. Heat blasted the earth and burst in all directions, propelled by the enormous bellows of leather wings. A roar shattered the sky as my troop began to fire, some with trepidation, others fear. My aim remained steady, and my mind cold as ice.
xxxxxIn a sudden fit of motion, the dragon spun with a blast of flames. Screams sounded around me, and the fires began eating every living thing. A harsh snap, and a tree began to fall somewhere very close.

𝀁𝄆𝈙𝄇𝄐𝆲𝀸𝆱𝄐𝄆𝈙𝄇𝀀

xxxxxThere once was a time of great conflict, where even the strongest bonds of love could not survive. Even as it ran, the conflict devoured all, even a little cottage for three in a secluded valley. Fires ate at the timbers lovingly carved into a home, and strangers trampled the remains. The three who lived there were not spared, and the father died saving the child from the burning home. The mother protected the halfling child, though she was killed on principle alone. Young though it was, the child became part of the service that had just created an orphaned halfling.

I have a vague idea of where I want to go from here, though all comments are welcome. Thank you in advance for having read this random blurb >^.^<

[CJClaire]

i've added notes in purple!!

Hiya, all! I was wondering if I could get some feedback on this. ((Warning, I am very much not done with it, but I was wondering if there was anything I could improve moving forward))

xxxxxThere was once a time of great conflict. The humans and elves and dragons all fought, though no one could remember why anymore. All that was left was the fighting. The blood soaked the earth, and cries filled the night like water in a cup. Somehow, in all the turmoil and pain, in all the chaos and death, there was life. From opposing sides came a love to inspire tales, though it ended in nothing more than claws and teeth and swords.

𝀁𝄆𝈙𝄇𝄐𝆲𝀸𝆱𝄐𝄆𝈙𝄇𝀀

xxxxxI awoke to bright sunlight and a boot to the ribs. The rest of them ((who is them?? you should say "the crew" or "the rest of the army" or whatever they actually are)) were already up and about, but I had somehow missed the roll call. My ribs smarted and my ears rang with the sounds of insults accompanied by a handful of orders. Breakfast was eaten quickly and silently, then we moved out.
xxxxxThe marching was not as much patrolling the Kingdom borders as it was mechanical movement over and over again. It gave everyone too much time to think. How were our families back home? Were the dragons gone yet, or had we hunted the last of them? Most of the others would be wondering when the elves would just give up and hand over their majiks. Me? I wondered what the weather would be like. ((I like this line a lot. It's funny and gives the reader a bit of insight into the character))
xxxxxFighting was nothing new to me. My earliest memories involve blood guts and gore. As I grew up, the others despised me because of my parents. Who knew when I would turn my halfling mind against them? I certainly never dreamt of such traitorous actions, though that never stopped the others from taking out their issues with me. These thoughts and more ran through my head as the leagues passed by underfoot.

𝀁𝄆𝈙𝄇𝄐𝆲𝀸𝆱𝄐𝄆𝈙𝄇𝀀

xxxxxThere was once a time of great conflict, but love somehow found its way into the war. A young man and woman came together on the battlefield, fighting against a common and scaly foe. There, the two found companionship beyond that which their respective peoples thought possible in a world where the largest worries were to protect your own skin. But these two were much different. They ran away from the battles, the blood, the fights. ((Nice syntax it makes it feel really intense)) They ran to a quiet and peaceful place to raise a child. And yet, even here ((because of the context of the sentence and the tense you're writing in, "here" should be "there", the war found them, and it did not find them kindly.

𝀁𝄆𝈙𝄇𝄐𝆲𝀸𝆱𝄐𝄆𝈙𝄇𝀀

xxxxxWhat was that?! The whisper carried around me in a nonsensical echo. What was that? The mysterious sound drummed against my eardrums in a familiar pattern. I prepared my weapons even before the commanding officer ordered it. Apparently, we had not managed to hunt them all. This one, though ((this is completely up to you but maybe replace "though" with "however")), would definitely join its fellows.
xxxxxI ducked behind a tree for cover as the rest of the patrol scattered. Heat blasted the earth and burst in all directions, propelled by the enormous bellows of leather wings. A roar shattered the sky as my troop began to fire, some with trepidation, others fear. My aim remained steady, and my mind cold as ice.
xxxxxIn a sudden fit of motion, the dragon spun with a blast of flames. Screams sounded around me, and the fires began eating every living thing. A harsh snap, and a tree began to fall somewhere very close.

𝀁𝄆𝈙𝄇𝄐𝆲𝀸𝆱𝄐𝄆𝈙𝄇𝀀

xxxxxThere once was a time of great conflict, ((I had the feeling that you were going for repetition in these parts, and unless you meant to have a different connotation, this should match the other two times. However, this sentence reads more smoothly than the other two times)) where even the strongest bonds of love could not survive. Even as it ran, the conflict devoured all, even a little cottage for three in a secluded valley. Fires ate at the timbers lovingly carved into a home, and strangers trampled the remains. The three who lived there were not spared, and the father died saving the child from the burning home. The mother protected the halfling child, though she was killed on principle alone. Young though it was, the child became part of the service that had just created an orphaned halfling.

I have a vague idea of where I want to go from here, though all comments are welcome. Thank you in advance for having read this random blurb >^.^<

overall I really, really like it, and I want to read more o3o

and these notes aren't big things i was just being nitpicky to try to give some feedback ahh!!! hopefully they make sense? i'm not the best at explaining things

anyway, take these as you will and keep writing! I'm very interested and I'd love to read more when you have written more

[BucketORandomness]

>^.^< Thank you muchly for the edit suggestions. I'll post the next section once it's written, though the whole thing shouldn't be longer than 3,000 words. What did you mean by "A different connotation"? ((This is why I posted this)) I honestly thought the last "There was once a time" section matched the other two. Could you try explaining, please?

[CJClaire]

>^.^< Thank you muchly for the edit suggestions. I'll post the next section once it's written, though the whole thing shouldn't be longer than 3,000 words. What did you mean by "A different connotation"? ((This is why I posted this)) I honestly thought the last "There was once a time" section matched the other two. Could you try explaining, please?

The first times you said "There was once a time" but the third time you said "There once was a time"

so you just switched the words "was" and "once" that's all. the tone and story and everything else matched, it's just the line

i assumed that you were going for repetition which is why I pointed it out, i thought it may have been a mistake, but if you meant to do it, to give a bit of different tone, then it's good as it is. :3

[anxious ghost]

@Wild I'ma go back and read all of the story you've posted a little later.

@Randy I like it! The whole thing has an "old legend" type feel to it. Though I do agree, if you match up the beginning sentences of each back story part to the last one, it would flow just slightly better.

[BucketORandomness]

And this is why I need you. My brain just kinda flipped those words around or something, but now I see it. Thank you!