Write a Letter You Cannot Send (Read the Rules!)

[mewcie]

dear,

i miss you. i dont know if its just you growing up, if its because you have a lot on your plate right now, or if im making this up. you arent the same boy i knew. you arent the same brother who played legos and cars with me and begged me to go play outside with you where we played warrior cats on the rock piles. you arent the same brother who drew and played pokemon cards with me and annoyed our parents by taping our drawings all over the house. you arent the same brother who spent countless hours under the bed with me just.... existing. you arent the same brother who planned out "sleepovers" with me and activities we could do together after our dad went to work. you arent the same brother who played the gamecube with me for hours and hours every summer. you arent the same brother who spent girl time with you, our mom and i. you arent the same brother who was the third in the three musketeers. you arent the same brother who played board games and card games and always went first. you arent the same brother that made plush piles with me and helped me clean up after.

you dont shower. you dont leave your room. you refuse to spend time with me or our parents unless theyre driving you to your friends. you act like spending time with us is the worst hell you could ever imagine. you dont talk to me. you actively ignore me when i speak to you, online or in real life. im really worried about you. you have way to much going on. you come home from school every day at 8, sometimes 9 due to rehearsals and dont go to sleep until 3. you refuse to talk to anyone about your feelings but you dont do a good job at hiding your emotions. youre obviously upset. youre obviously going through something. you behave strangely too. when you do interact with me, its in a bizarre way. im.... worried.

when i see you, i still see the little boy you were. i see the little boy who came back from kindergarten with a red slip every day, the little boy who had no friends, the little boy everyone picked on. when i was your only friend. i want to be your friend again. i want to be your big sister again.

[Kassit]

dearest m,

thank you for being so kind to me. i'm sorry my experiences in love and life have lead me to assume the worst of you. i'm terrified to let my walls down. i'm terrified to let you so close to me. but you being so insistent on being in my life for the long run is comforting, whether we develop a deeper connection or not. i know you said i was kind but i don't feel like i am. i feel like i am punishing you for things you did not do. i feel like i am punishing you for the cruel actions of those before you and that isn't right. i keep you at arms length and i don't want to. i wish i was different. i hope i grow into a better person. i hope you understand.

sincerely, me.

[Silverstar]

dear S,

we will meet for the first time today.
I don't like myself, I don't like my weight and neither do I like my appearance, but I hope I am good enough for you and that you are still gonna like me as who I am.
You are such an important person to me and I don't want our contact to end. I wouldn't break off, but I'm not sure about you.

[cherubim]

hi a,

god this really shouldnt be happening. this should have never happened. i always knew that we were closer than the others, but i never expected myself to feel anything but platonic affection towards you. i was hoping & praying that maybe once i spoke about it to m that maybe i would jinx it, maybe it would go away. it happened last time with r. but it didn't, it just made me so much more hyperaware of my feelings. and god i am so, so sorry for this — i'm so happy you found something so genuine and sweet with ar, you deserve that & no less! i am less. i am so much less. i love both of you dearly and never want to sacrifice or compromise our friendship, but it's so hard talking to you guys without my heart hurting. i pray that these feelings leave me. i'm so sick and tired of always being the one who loves, not the one who is loved. surely you understand. i regret distancing myself but i think it may be for the best, i'm sure you'll cope without me. you have others, right? you won't miss me too much, it's much too easy to find someone to fill my shoes, hey? i hope so, at least. or maybe i get over this dumb stuff & am able to hold a conversation without hurting!
you're wonderful & beautiful & all things good in this world, but you know i think that already, haha. i guess i'm not exactly the best at hiding my feelings! i hope things go smoothly without me for a while. it's so hard to be away from you already, but i don't wanna mess anyone up.

[stardustreserve]

to so

i love you a lot
i really hope that things get better for you
i don’t even know the words to write… you’re so special and so lovely and you deserve so much more
i would do just about anything to see you happy
i hear it in your voice, and see it in your messages - something i know all too well …
i know that our experiences might not be the exact same, but…
i think that things can change for just about anyone
i… hope that they do.
the world is a better place with you around
just… even as isolating and lonely as it all is, remember that i’m here for you, okay?
please always remember that you are so cherished
i may be one person, but i’m not a unique exception to some universal rule - there are so many people out there who would value you.
and… i hope that one day you’ll find more people from similar backgrounds with similar experiences, and know that it’s okay and you aren’t alone
it’s a big world out there with a lot of people…
and so much happiness and love to be found
it’ll be okay.
i believe you will make it through.
i’ll be here by your side through it all

- c

[SomethingFishy~]

D,
Its been three years today since you broke my heart. I still find my self daydreaming about you and what life would look like if we were still together. I have dreams of a beautiful tearful reunion only to wake up and realize it wasn't real. Those moments are more painful than anything else because I yearn to go back to the fantasy but what does that say about my reality?
I am worried that I will never find love again and that the taste I had of it was so sweet yet so fleeting. I regret how things ended and I wish I could've been a different person, the person you needed or wanted.
I miss watching nerdy shows cuddled up under a blanket and sticking my cold toes on you.
I miss looking over into your twinkling eyes and sharing quiet smiles.
I miss hugging you from behind, my head on your back hearing your heart beat.

I'm not sure what you're up to anymore but in my heart I wonder if you ever think about me and regret letting me go... Or if the person who gets broken up with is always the one who hurts and remembers while the breaker can move on and never think on it again. Either way you were my whole world and I haven't been the same since then.

sadly still in love,
A

[.Kira Nightblade.]

Dear C
"And I don't really know what tomorrow holds, but I've finally realized, if this our last goodbye until we're gone..."
"And if you can't be next to me, your memory is ecstasy."
Those two songs have been hitting really really hard..
I thought you were coming back within a week or two, but turns out it's not till the day after Christmas...
but surely if you cared, you'd ask to hang out, even before you come back to work?
Or will you be worried that if it goes wrong, it'd be awkward when you do come back to work?..
I dunno.
But if you didn't care why reach out at all?
Why spend three hours on a call?
Why do all the little things that you've done?
I just.. don't know where this is going. Man am I going to be glad when it's over, one way or another.
If you don't think it'll work, I'll never see you again after January.
Feels like I'm just waiting to say goodbye.
And maybe we should. God, we probably should.
But I really really don't want to.
Seeya later.

[0009]

hey chickensmoothie.

it's been oneeeeee ride, hasn't it? granted, i'm not writing this because i don't plan to come to this website again. on the contrary i do believe i'm going to visit this place for the foreseeable future. but well.

to think i joined all those years ago when i was a child, and now i'm here. a college student in its final year.

man.

it kinda hurts. i don't know why. bittersweet, you know? coming back here, seeing the growth, the changes, the loss.. it's all very surreal how this sort of place acts like a weird.. time capsule, you know? i used to spend hours on this site, lurking, reading, connecting.. in a way. it felt.. so.. cool.

like all things, some parts have changed and some have not.

well. it was nice seeing you. i'll be back.

[RavingRaven]

Dear C,

You were my best friend until you weren't.
For many years I had followed you, admired you, and even looked up to you. I am sorry it was not enough. I tried to feed your ego to make you feel on top of the world. I never was, I was always at the bottom, and it never bothered me...
What else could I do? You were always sad. More so than me, at least that is what you made me believe.
I ask, why did you keep me around so long? Don't, I already know the answer. You used me and for what benefit? Yes, I fed your ego, but I didn't make you any more popular. I didn't make you new friends. I didn't throw money at you. So why were you so mean? My presence angered you, but then you'd Facetime me later that night. My voice irritated you, but you still talked to me. My actions were embarrassing to you, but you still laughed...
What is a best friend's role in a relationship? I'll let you decide. Maybe your definition has changed. Either way, you lost your chance to explain. It's been two years since I've seen you and I do not foresee that changing anytime soon. Why you ask? Because my birthday wishes to you every year go unnoticed.
I am happy that I no longer live beneath you. I have no one to boss me around anymore or do favors that are never returned. You no longer control me anymore. I'm sorry that this hurts you so deeply. I know you hate to be alone. But I can be a puppet no more. You aren't alone and you never were.

Please do not reach out. I can't take another one of your heartbreaks. I have better friends now. Friends that could see right through you when I could not.
I genuinely ask you to take care of yourself. Have fun in life, and meet new people that you actually care about. I know it's hard choosing the right people to be in our life. I am sorry I was not one of them. Take care C. Maybe one day we will run into each other, and give each other goodbyes that we never gave. You were a memory filled with fun until you weren't.

[splity]

Dear N, M, E, H, I don't know what you go by now, but you're the same person you always were.

I feel as if you never changed. Like, at all. I feel like what you did to me fueled you to do it more. Now, for example, to K. Ever since you found out that K was dating K you started again. Don't you have your own business to deal to? Don't you have your own life to take care of? So why are you making the same mistake again. I hate you now. You used to be something to me, but now you're nothing. An embarrassment. Why?

I'm confused more than anything. What do you get out of it? My innocence? My vulnerability? Why? You used to actually be my best friend. Look what you did. And you're still doing it, you're still the same person you were. And I'm convinced you'll never change. You'll never be anything.

Didn't you steal my whole hyperfixation? Dude, it's creepy. As soon as I called you out, you started to have an attachment to my favorite animal. That's really creepy man. I don't even feel bad anymore, and I never have. You're not a good person. And how am I the stalker when you drove me back for your own selfish gain and then got courage to come back?? Like hello??? I don't want you that bad?? I want to meet other BETTER people that isn't YOU.

You have an insane ego that isn't okay. You seriously need a reality check.

I hope you better yourself, but thats not my problem. You're only ruining your own life.