TheComfortCorner | V.7

[IQuit;;]

I never know what I'm doing or how to say what I feel and I have no idea how to ask for what I want. I'm sick of it and everyone I love is sick of it and I know if I don't force myself to change soon they'll get so sick of it that they'll leave me

""
consider for a moment why I don't think highly of you. you act like that and expect people to forgive you?
and my personal stuff isn't your business. I worked things out with them and we have an understanding that we are just friends. I'm happy and they are happy with it.
and so what if I say a few hypocritical things. I don't understand other people but I also don't understand myself. if you knew me you'd know I don't know how to form sentence without difficulty. and despite what you've seemingly grown to think I'm not a mean person. I don't go out of my way to hurt people and I will fight to the death for people who I trust and who are good to me.
and you are neither of those things. you are hard to trust when you do the things you do.
you don't understand anything about me or the way I think at all.
I know they were not being serious when they once said you wanted to be close to me as well.
you never did anything at all to show that you even appreciated me as a friend
I gave up on you and I'm just done. I'm letting go of you even if I can't forget your words and you should do the same
it isn't worth the little energy I have these days
I need that energy to the people who have proven themselves to me
Maybe I regret not being closer to you but you were never open and you were basically unapproachable and I was terrified to speak to you.
these are my feelings.
thanks.
and by the way I tried to help you when you needed it
I always listened and tried to treat you well because I wanted to respect the person my best friend is dating.

[calculator]

really need snuggles from this angel.

she's so sweet, just really need some sort of animal therapy. just a soft nuzzle to know everything will be okay.

[connoisseur]

its been so stressful for me lately.

ive been doing a conditioning thing for track and my back problems have been really hurting me and limiting me. after running or jogging, my right side starts to ache and i slow down or completely stop way before the others. people laugh at me because im slow or always behind. everything i do just seems so effortless to them, as if i wasn't really trying. and the coaches think the same thing.
im always getting called out or yelled at in front of everybody, and it isnt a good thing either; i understand they are trying to correct me, but its enabling the others to be rude to me as well. the coach even knows that my spine is curved a certain way and how it hurts me after doing simple things, even if its not noticeable. hell, you probably couldnt tell unless you stared at my shoulder blades and saw the right one was more elevated. but he KNOWS. he sees me doing my physical therapy yet continues to get on me when i cant keep up with the others. and the other people are VARSITY. they have been doing sports and athletics since they were kids! he even told me this. this is the first time ive tried it, and i know it isnt easy but the pressure im getting from him and my peers arent making things better. and when the other coaches that are there see that he's always yelling at me, they think its okay for them to do it to.
they even poke fun at me that my grandmother is the one who drives me around. im so upset. i want to cuss and scream.

one of the coaches knew my dad from when he played on the same basketball team. he kept saying my dad was amazing, and all this and that. i guess now that he saw how terrible i am he thinks he can treat me like im his 'bro' like my dad was. i dont even a flying mcnugget that he knew my dad from the great old b-ball days. i really DONT care. my dad would rather spend his time doing something else than being around me. i could've been more. if my parents actually care and got me started on things easily. if they only showed at least a little bit of interest in raising me, i could've been a better person than i am now. i wanted to join sports since middle school. but, no. even when my dad is unemployed and doing nothing all day while my mother worked all the time, i was just a waste of money. i get so pissed when i hear people teasing me that i live with my grandparents. my grandparents have shown more love for me than my real parents. i get so jealous when i hear other people talking about going out with their parents, and even though they think its lame i get so, so, jealous. i wish i had parents that were active in my life.

and i really hate myself so being so dependent. even though im still in highschool i get a really upset feeling that im going nowhere in life. i always depend on my grandparents for money and i feel extremely ashamed after they buy things for me. i should be taking care of them. not the other way around. hell, even my parents should be taking care of them. but no. my grandma sends them money to fix their roof. no. they got that done for FREE. they spent that money on a new truck. right. my parents dont send any money for my sister and i whatsoever. its not that they cant. they just dont want to. the other day my grandma told me my dad doesnt even want us to come home because we're 'too much of an 'expense.' AS if i asked my parents to have me.

the kids here are so privileged. they have money that flows nonstop and they have no worries. they have their own cars. they complain about their 100$ allowance. i show up to practice and get teased i cant drive on my own. as if paying insurance for another person is just pocket money. as if buying a car is like buying taco bell. god im so upset. ive never been more angry in my life.


sorry for long vent. im just so burnt out.

[arabella !!]

I feel terrible for a good friend of mine.

[IQuit;;]

people suck
I wish I could be normal to be better for the people I trust

there's like only four of them now
humans are way too complicated
why can't everyone just love like a dog

its hard to see the good in most people
I used to try and justify everyone's actions by doing that
it doesn't work anymore

I wish my four people were all next to me
I want to hold her and them. my loves. the light in my darkness
I want to laugh and have fun with both of them. my light and the human who's probably just made of sugar. don't go in the rain because sugar melts.
I want to make drawings with her. get yourself some air conditioning too please.
why do they all put up with me and m tendency to be somewhat unpredictable and really needy.
I appreciate EVERYTHING they do for my and I just want them to know that no matter what I will love them and care about them. remember that no matter what happens.
I May be a stone cold confused rock who really struggles with empathy and who's been messed up because of uncaring people from my past,
but I have a heart and I care and even if I can't understand exactly how you four wonderful people feel all of the time, you're still my people and I never want to let go

[CyberneticVampire]

Oh boy, this is gonna be a long one-

Well, firstly I feel like a terrible friend, one of my closets friends rat is dying and he means a lot to her. I've tried my best to comfort her last night when I stayed the night by making her bed, getting her water, getting her a cold towel, letting her use my blanket and my jacket, drawing something for her, watching a movie with her and getting anything else she needed. But I still feel like I didn't do enough and that I need to do more but I don't know what else. I want to help more but I don't know what else to do.. I feel so bad for not doing enough..

//////

Secondly I think I'm developing a crush, but oh boy do I have no shot. But he's so funny and he just seems so compassionate and kind.
Humor is one of the things that draws me to a person and this boy is so funny and cute. But since I'm trans I absolutely have no chance with him. I tell myself not to develop crushes but it still happens and I don't know how to stop it.

//////

I want to transition so bad.. I want to start taking testosterone and get top surgery done but I feel like I'll never get to that point..I feel like I'll never be able to become the man that I was always meant to be..

//////

I feel so forgotten.. My best friend hasn't bothered to text me for almost a week now.. I think she forgot about me.. Just because I graduated doesn't mean I'm just not going to be around anymore.. But from the way she's been treating me it seems she would prefer it that way. It was too good to be true that I would get a best friend who would fight to be my friend and would fight to stay with me.

//////

My mother drinks everyday. EVERY. DAY. Is that not healthy? Or am I just crazy? She acts like there's nothing wrong with it. Sure she's not hurting anyone physically but she's hurting me mentally and emotionally. Plus I'm sure it's not healthy for her body. No matter what I do nothing changes so I should just stop trying..

//////

All in all my life is a mess and I don't know how to fix it..

//////

Edit ; Not to mention my whole body is in so much pain and I have a bad stomachache..

[FooFarny]

Today has been an ablsolue mess 😔

I have carers (people who look after/ help people with disabilities. I had a good morning with my carer today we went to the gym and back home. Then about lunch time drama started happening and suddenly there was a big fight with my nan and the Manager and how they were treating us and me and now they cut it off and I got no one to help me get to places and stuff. Today has been crap and I hate today! I hate them!

[NightmareMooner]

I am very depressed today...My dog got hurt and it's in hospital right now,I am so worried...My mum told me not to be sad but I really cant...Can someone tell me what to do now?😢

[Blueberry]

~ Snip ~

any advice and encouragement is welcomed!

First off, I'd like to congratulate you! What you're doing takes a lot more effort and self-confidence that people realize. I think that it's great that you're trying to eat healthy and work out. You shouldn't be embarrassed about what you're doing and definitely shouldn't let your family tease you like that. Be proud of yourself, hold your head high! They call you a vegan? So what? You're fantastic! You buy those yummy fruits and granola bars! You work out in the house! The only persons whose opinion that matters is yours. They should be pleased that you're doing this. That being said, even if they don't cheer for you, I will!

[Swishy & Broken]

Its 5 AM and I was looking at pictures of them again, of her. I feel like I really did her wrong, but I know that I didnt. I know she used me (not only to feel better about herself but also to get stuff her way all the time). I know she never really cared to be my friend, though i was genuinly giving the girl who had no friends a real friend. I feel awful for just up and blocking her on messanger, for telling her that it's her fault that I was even trying to be nice again. I feel like it's my fault all the time, but it isnt.
And worst of all, I feel like I could never make him as happy as he was with her. I see their pictures, I see his smile. He's so.. wonderful and bright. I feel like I'm trapped in this awkward cycle of trying to push myself away from him, then coming back and realizing how absolutely awful I am. It's trapped me, I can't do anything anymore and I feel like I can't even think now. I know he doesn't like me, he's heard about what I've done before, he hates people who do what I did. But he is my friend, and somehow we have these.. soft moments that always lead me to not giving up on him. I want to cry, I can feel that knot in my throw. It's been so hard trying to figure this out, especially when I can't even figure my own future out.

I need to buckle down and stop with all the junk, I've gained 20 pounds since my grandmother died 2 years ago. That's insane. I can't keep gaining weight or I'll feel worse. It's so terribly hard to like myself as is. 160 pounds, 5 foot 3. No muscle mass, pure fat. That may not sound like much, but it is, I hadn't gained weight in 4 years prior to these last two. I used to think I was fat even then, but now .. it just feels so wrong to even say that I want to be smaller again. It's like I've done something to deserve this.. I don't know.