[gailagj + doglover]

First pass?

[Saikiyo]

i'll have to read every story more then once when i'm judging, so first pass means when they first come out and the first time reading them

[gailagj + doglover]

Cool :3 MAybe... if I added more? In the childs version? (It would be second stage like though)

[wildly-unaware]

yes, i have, wildhorse027's is short, sweet and the monzters are close enough to the prize. though she does have mistakes and i'm not fond of smilies, her story fit well to the egg

Yeah I'll fix the mistakes and probably will take out the smilies because when i looked at my story the smilies messed it up

[wildly-unaware]

Phew! Ok I think thats all of the mistakes tell me if there is anything else i need to change

[Lazuli Phoenix]

Deep in a humid environment, filled with cliffs and dead trees, a normal raven say upon an old willow tree. She has been waiting for the dramatic moment. She was waiting, months, in a never ending thunder storm. She ignored the predators down below. As for they were waiting to create a death of either the mother, or the newborn egg. The mother raven screeched an eerie echo in sorrow, as for she was ready. She spread out her jet black wings and flew off to a cave, deep in a cliff. She entered the small entrance, barely making it in. She screeched once again in pain. But it was worth it for her egg. She struggled to go through the small tunnel. Digging a little, to let her body fit through. She felt as if her life was spinning around. She finally made it to a small, but quite large clearing. She found some small patches of dead grass, and she set it out for her egg. After a couple of nights, her finally layed her egg. It was quite large for some reason, and it was almost as big as her. It was about to her chest. But danger was everywhere. One night, the mother raven was sleeping on her egg when a weasil crept inside. It squeaked to distract the mother, and then it hid behind a large rock. The mother looked around and saw nothing. She tried to fall back asleep, right when the weasil popped out and swiped at the ravens chest. She screeched in pain and dread. The weasil nipped at the mother raven's back, edging it into the tunnel. There it slashed and swiped at the mother raven, untill blood was all over the entrance of the cave. The weasil gave one last bit at the raven's neck, and she was killed. The weasil took it's prize and left the cave, without the egg.

I think my story is horrid. >.< Good luck to everyone but me. XD

[KillerGramcracker <3]

A man came into the labratory.
"Hows the egg doing? Have you made anything workv yet?" He asked.
The woman behind the counter shook her head.
"It won't react. Still white as ever" SHe replied to him.
"Dang it, Lucy! I told you to make the untimate monster out of this egg!" The man snarled.
"Its not that easy, Bard! This is one hard monster to corrupt!" Lucy hissed back.
Bard slapped her out of the chair and sat there. He started tossing this, that, and the other thing i nto the chamber. The egg soaked it all up like a spounge.
"Lets try this on for size" Bard murmured.
He got out the poison and got in there himself. He started pouring the substance all over that poor egg. The egg glowed, then changed color to a purple and blue fleck. He chuckled to himself. The sudden stench of death made Bard choke and wheeze before falling to the ground, dead and still. One of his other experiments, Okami finally broke down the door.
"Ah, so they succeded" She murmured.
She was a wolf with an extremely long tail and hair on her head.

A real life scene wolf

She took the egg into her jaws and ran out of the labratory. She looked around, then bolted into the forest. All the noises around her had her heart racing. Soon enough, she came to a den and ducked in with the egg. She curled up in there and set the egg by her stomach.
"Its ok. Mommas here now" Okami mummbed.
She wasn't even really the eggs mother, but she would care for this little freak of nature.

[Saikiyo]

i'm seeing some amazing stories so far ^^ keep up the good work!

helpfull hint that i didn't think of posting til just now


i got the idea for this monzter from the E.A.P poem, the raven, mostly this quote

And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor

this may help you

[Hawkfire.]

I made 'nother story but my pc kicked me off the internet before I had a chance to submit/save it x.x curse you stupid pc

[doubleArrows]

An ominous cloud hung over the nest as the wizard's raven struggled to bring her egg into the world. The wizard's greedy eyes shone with pleasure as an abnormally large egg tumbled into the nest. He picked it up, roughly examining it. The mother raven couldn't do anything to stop the man from running off to sell her egg in the black market, but as she died, she lay a curse upon the egg. If she could not have it, she would ensure it would have a good owner...

The egg sat in an aura of ominous feelings. The wizard felt pensive and frightened as he called out to pedestrians to offer on the egg. "Mighty fine egg here, big and strong!" His greedy eyes shone, but then he coughed blood. A knife through his heart, they say. Stolen by a girl wearing dirty rags and not much else.

The girl rocked the egg, feeling none of the ominous feelings. She whispered to it, "I'll treat you good, I will. Not like that terrible oaf selling you for a few steel shinies." Somewhere within the egg, the creature rocked happily. Then...

The girl was stroking the egg, polishing it with her rags. Then terrible men clothed in black came and wrenched the egg from her hands. The left her in the corner of a warehouse, and the egg could sense her dying spirit. The girl whispered something only the egg could hear. "Find a good home.." Then she drew her last breath and lay still.

The egg sat in the filthy shop, still awaiting a kind caretaker. All the unworthy died the moment they attempted buying it. Somewhere within the shell, its eyes opened. She is near.

Fin

Is the owner really near? I hope so, because the story refers to me! [/shot] xD